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Rating:

Missed Play Date

The mothers of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Kim Jong II called Barack Obama to say "they regret that the boys couldn't come to his house to play".



written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Troubled AIG to Drop Manchester United Sponsorship

Red's Wayne Rooney was upbeat at the likelihood of having something easier to spell on his shirt.

written by David David, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Palin says "time to take the gloves off"

Obama replies, "Is my proctology exam finished?"

written by David David, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Ancient Britain Split

Study: Ancient floods split Britain from the rest of Europe delaying migration, proper dental hygiene for over 100,000 years.

written by Bureau, 06 October 2008
Rating:

No Refills

Mexican police at Guadalajara's airport seized 7 million pills of pseudoephedrine. When asked how long it took to count all those pills, the chief replied, "Not long, we counted them in Spanish."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Sling it! Sling it! GOOD!!!

Goodyear and B.F. Goodrich are scrambling to be the first to market official 2008 campaign mud flaps.

written by TomFoolery, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Stock Market Disappears Down Blackhole

...reemerges in an evil parallel universe ruled by bonds.

written by Jack Van Gump, 06 October 2008
Rating:

New McCain Anti-Obama Ad

Off-camera announcer suggests: "Perhaps Obama's pro-choice parents made the WRONG CHOICE!"

written by TomFoolery, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Dixie Chicks Latest

Sales of the new CD by the Dixie Chicks, "We're Coming Home To Roost" to be donated to the Barack Obama campaign.

written by Bureau, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Follow the leader

Fed up with the current, 2-party system, a new politcal party is being formed; NAME: Non-partisan party... MOTTO: We believe in what you believe in.

written by IN SEINE, 06 October 2008
Rating:

New Party Formed

Fed up with the current, 2-party system, a new politcal party is being formed; NAME: The Beaver Party MOTTO:... Oh, forget it - we've already got Bush.

written by IN SEINE, 06 October 2008
Rating:

The Breakfast of Champions

A Kansas farmer says this year he is going to fertilize his wheatfields with chicken droppings. So if anyone eats a bowl of 'Wheaties' and starts cackling, you may be able to file a lawsuit.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Mammals facing extinction threat

About 25% of the world's mammal species are at risk of extinction, according to a global assessment caried out by naturalists. Errr...HELLO... humans are mammals, aren't they?


GULP!!!!

written by IN SEINE, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Condoms for Goats?

The Nanny state has issued Kenyan goats with condoms - just in case they get the horn.

written by IN SEINE, 06 October 2008
Rating:

The Alaskan Queen's Fashion Scene

Feisty Sarah 'Pit Bull' Palin hits the campaign trail with her 'gloves off.' A campaign aide says, "And if we get real desperate the bra's coming off next!"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Henry Would Be So Proud

In 2010, Ford will introduce a car key computer chip to limit teen drivers to 80 mph. Elated parents are now asking for a chip that will radiate 1,000 volts of electricity into the back seat.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Ribit, Ribit, Ribit

Regarding that see-through frog that was bred in Japan. Someone kissed it, and it turned into an Antarctican Prince.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Huge Tornado Misses Town

Huge tornado narrowly misses small midwestern town whose citizens were hoping for fame plus an official government-declared disaster area, which it already was since the factories left for Mexico.

written by Bureau, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Hospital Suit

A woman in Santa Fe, New Mexico is suing a hospital there after discovering that a surgeon had left a condom in her.

written by Bureau, 06 October 2008
Rating:

New Biden Claims

Obama campaign is being strangely silent on Joe Biden's new claims of being shot at in Iraq, Afghanistan and outside Vice President Cheney's office.

written by Bureau, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Flu Outbreak

The National Health Service has reported this season's first case of Dancing Chicken Flu outbreak in Fayette, Arkansas.

written by Bureau, 06 October 2008
Rating:

VP Confessions

Sarah Palin admits she showed a little leg with shorter skirt during VP debate. Joe Biden confesses that he had several new hair plugs put in.

written by Bureau, 06 October 2008
Rating:

A Baby Chick Recall

Doctors have issued a warning against keeping turtles, lizards, hamsters, and baby chicks as pets for young children due to the risk of disease. Pet shop possum and porcupine sales suddenly triple!

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 October 2008
Rating:

3,000 Brand New Voters

3,000 Cubans in Miami become US citizens. Obama and McCain workers scramble to get their votes. Eight percent say they'll vote for Obama, 2% for McCain, 73% for Daisy Fuentes, and 17% for Mark Cuban.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 October 2008
Rating:

McCain Consession Speech?

Close friends of John McCain say he's already written his concession speech and that it includes a beautiful rendition of him singing, "I'm coming home, Cindy, Cindy".

written by Bureau, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Elections Replaced By Auctions

Congress votes to begin holding auction for next president to raise funds for all bailouts, since we're already doing that, more or less, anyway. Loser becomes vice-president.

written by Bureau, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Peanut Butter Recalled

The Food & Drug Administration has found traces of John
Michael Meredith, a recently fired employee, in every jar of peanut butter leaving factory before he left plant.

written by Bureau, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Monk Protest

Monk who set himself on fire to protest Chinese control over Tibet sets half of city on fire. Hundreds dead, thousands homeless.

written by Bureau, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Drunk At Sperm Bank Again

Drunk shows up at city sperm bank once again, this time asking for a form to fill out to donate his stem for research.

written by Bureau, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Enough Polls Already

Latest Poll: 75 percent of voters say they've been called half a dozen time now and wish callers would go shove their polls up where the sun don't shine.

written by Bureau, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Reeve Spotted

Christopher Reeve reportedly seen alive and moving around freely after ice melts from around Fortress of Solitude.

written by Bureau, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Barney Frank Hot for Mullah's New Holloween Costume Idea!

Barney was "wild" over Sheikh Muhammed al Habadan's decree to adapt a Nigab with only one eye exposed to limit sexual arousal in men. Frank had one of the veils hemmed to wear as "jogging shorts"

written by Morse, 06 October 2008
Rating:

The Ex-Mrs. Sonny Bono

Cher cancels two performances at Caesar's Palace...no one notices.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Sarah Palin to Receive Honorary Degrees

Sarah Palin will receive honorary degrees from the four schools she failed out of. A kindergarten diploma, a junior high certificate of attendance and two charm school bracelets will be presented.

written by Pointer, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Naval Academy Dolts Claim McCain Cheated

John McCain who graduated near the bottom of his class from the Naval Academy was accused today by the only three cadets to do worse than he did of copying their homework!

written by Pointer, 06 October 2008
Rating:

CEO's Claim $700 billion as Bonus for Boners

US CEO's have laid claim to the $700 billion in bailouts as part of their usual contractual bonus for boners. "If the plane never crashed, why would we need golden parachutes?" one CEO asked.

written by Pointer, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Venus Flytraps - 50% Off

If Venus Flytraps keep shrinking in size. Botanist are going to suggest that they change the name to Venus Fleatraps.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Brotherly Love?

McCain's brother, Joe called Northern Virginia, 'Communist Country.' When told to apologize he says, "Okay, Northern Virginia is NOT 'Communist Country,' but Southern Delaware IS."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Weatherman Bill Ayers Predicts Election Day Forecast

On Election day you can expect that the East and West coasts and the states along Mississippi River from far north to deep south will be swept by strong winds of change. Hurricane Barack, the big story!

written by Pointer, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Maybe It Was A Gift

A 17-year-old Nevada student was arrested for refusing to turn over his bandana...like they say, today it's a bandana, tomorrow, it'll be jock straps and maxi-pads.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Them Taliban Dudes Are Furious

The Taliban is upset with the US because it fired missiles into Pakistan at them. What? Hey guys it's called W-A-R!

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 October 2008
Rating:

High Fives

Barack Obama points out John McCain's role in 'The Keating Five' scandal. McCain replies, "My friends, I do not know the 'Keating Five,' but I have heard of 'The Jackson Five' and 'Maroon Five.'

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 October 2008
Rating:

US Catholic Hierarchy Welcome Gays

"At least they don't have abortions!"

written by Pointer, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Afghani Prez Karzai's Brother Deals in Heroin

Afghani President Karzai's brother deals in heroin while his President Brother has to deal with a dope like Bush

written by Pointer, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Bush Arms Taiwan against Red China

It took Bush 8 years to send billions in weapons to Taiwan, just in time for the Chines communist takeover of the island

written by Pointer, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Chihuahua's For Sale

Buena Vista Pictures' 'Beverly Hills Chihuahua' is #1 in the US. " It is being reported that tomorrow morning Universal Pictures will begin production on 'Baja California Poodles.'

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 October 2008
Rating:

Palin Out; Tina Fey to be VP Candidate

Sarah Palin is withdrawing as VP candidate. Tina Fey will replace her on the ticket. "She's funny," said McCain. Liberals like her and conservatives can't tell the difference.

written by Warren Redlich, 06 October 2008
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