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Bush Signs Bailout Bill

President Bush signed a historic bailout bill into law to aid the nation's ailing economy. The President expressed relief when he was told the bill did not mean his daughter had been arrested again.

written by Greg Schwartz, 03 October 2008
Rating:

He Ain't No Allen Funt

A landlord in Philadelphia has been arrested for secretly videotaping 34 female tenants over 19 years. A tenant first became suspicious when he told her, "Your bikini line tattoo is so darn cute."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 October 2008
Rating:

Oil News Flash

Oil drifts down after House bailout vote...but luckily one of the custodians quickly found the source of the leak and fixed it.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 October 2008
Rating:

F.A.R.T

The spokesman for the (real) Fight Against Red Tape still has not realised the childishness of their anacroym.

written by Ben Macnair, 03 October 2008
Rating:

Here Comes The Bride...

Sarah Palin was asked if she supported 'same sex' marriages. She replied, "You betcha, unless of course it's 'male-male' or 'female-female.'

written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 October 2008
Rating:

Please Pass The Salt

Beijing's Wuhan Zoo has been feeding two of its pandas home-cooked chicken soup to help relieve stress and to provide a nutritional boost...What's next? Big Macs for the flamingoes?

written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 October 2008
Rating:

"Viva La Barracuda!"

John McCain tells a cheering crowd, "Viva La Barracuda!" Sarah Palin turns to her husband and whispers, "Toddy, did Johnny just curse me in Spanish?"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 October 2008
Rating:

Bailout Approved!

The U.S. House of Representatives has joined the Senate in approving a huge 700 billion bailout plan. Both now out to convince the Gambino family.

written by Bureau, 03 October 2008
Rating:

Deja Noose?

Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

written by IN SEINE, 03 October 2008
Rating:

I smell a rat

Financial experts report that there is something fishy going on at the Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.

written by IN SEINE, 03 October 2008
Rating:

Japanese Stock Exchange Jittery

The Tokyo Samurai Bank, (TSB) is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, the Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black, whilst 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop

written by IN SEINE, 03 October 2008
Rating:

Japanese Bank Woes

Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for
sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.

written by IN SEINE, 03 October 2008
Rating:

Financial Crisis Hits Japan

The financial crisis has now hit Japan. In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.

written by IN SEINE, 03 October 2008
Rating:

A Nice gift

A blind woman from Hartlepool has received a new kidney from her dad, whom she hasn't seen in years.

written by IN SEINE, 03 October 2008
Rating:

Palin Interview

Perhaps being coached a little too much before VP debate, Sarah Palin told reporters yesterday that she would hate to see Barack Obama in charge of the nation's nuckular weapons.

written by Bureau, 03 October 2008
Rating:

Piano Makers forced to close

After fifty years the Steinmetz Piano company must close its doors forever. Petr Metz, CEO, ruefully said;"We will accept any reasonable offer on our large stock of pianos. No strings attached."

written by IN SEINE, 03 October 2008
Rating:

Indecent Proposal

A man was arrested today for being lewd to a lady. He had opened a dry-cleaning business next door to a convent and knocked on the door and asked the Mother Superior if she had any dirty habits?

written by IN SEINE, 03 October 2008
Rating:

Taking in their Stride

Doctors have discovered that when Mongolians walk, they like to take big steppes.

written by IN SEINE, 03 October 2008
Rating:

Homer Simpson Will Be Voting

In an upcoming episode of 'The Simpsons,' Homer will be voting for Barack Obama. McCain was asked about this and he replied, "My friends, I don't know Homer Simpson...is he Jessica's father?

written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 October 2008
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It's Official

According to a disliked celebrity, Tuesday is the new Wednesday. What a twat.

written by Reuman Frijj, 03 October 2008
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Winning Recipe

Pickles containing marijuana among other spices wins blue ribbon at Crossville, Tennessee County Fair, once judges finished off jar and quit giggling.

written by Bureau, 03 October 2008
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New French Welcoming Statue

In Paris, a man who died from licking his middle finger and inserting it in an overhead light socket, has been stuffed, mounted and placed in front of the Eiffel Tower.

written by Bureau, 03 October 2008
Rating:

TV Show Wins Green Award

Popular 1960's TV program "Gilligan's Island" won the coveted "Green Award" yesterday for the most recycled show ever to appear on television.

written by Bureau, 03 October 2008
Rating:

Social Workers Fail

Social workers in West Virginia attempting to turn child of worthless parents over to the care of some couple who are not related to the child's family, give up after three month search.

written by Bureau, 03 October 2008
Rating:

"Duck & Cover"

Schoolchildren in the United States are now getting special instructions on how to "Duck and Cover" during an earthquack!

written by Bureau, 03 October 2008
Rating:

Boy George Ready For Comeback

Boy George, after a brief spell at working as a DJ, says he's ready to form a band and hit the road again after leaving a ReFab Clinic in London.

written by Bureau, 03 October 2008
Rating:

Bomb-Sniffing Dog Found

A missing bomb-sniffing dog, gone for three days, has finally been discovered at a local theatre showing "Meet The Spartans".

written by Bureau, 03 October 2008
Rating:

Grandmother Left At Rest Stop

A couple were arrested Thursday for leaving the woman's grandmother at a Highway Rest Stop. The man stated, "Rest Stop, Rest Home, what's the difference? Besides, Granny loved seeing those big rigs."

written by Bureau, 03 October 2008
Rating:

Some Good News

An article in JAMA magazine has given a lot of people hope as recent testing of venom from Talk-Show callers could be used to bring people out of comas.

written by Bureau, 03 October 2008
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Victim Warns Other Passengers

A New York City subway victim warns fellow passengers never to smile at anyone while traveling underground there, especially if you have gold fillings.

written by Bureau, 03 October 2008
Rating:

Vet Report

According to a new report in Veterinarian Today, a neutered cat can still spray you or your furniture. It's called, "Phantom Balls Syndrome".

written by Bureau, 03 October 2008
Rating:

Homeland Security Alert

Homeland Security warned American citizens this morning to be aware of "Girl Scouts" selling cookies door to door, especially if they should be wearing veils or sporting beards.

written by Bureau, 03 October 2008
Rating:

Price Of Oil May Be Higher

In a bipartisan vote, the U.S. Congress agreed that the next president may have to go beyond holding hands to procure oil from Saudi Arabia.

written by Bureau, 03 October 2008
Rating:

Palin's Hairdo 80's; Ideas still 50's!

Sarah Palin abandoned the 50's Beehive for her big night with Joe Biden. But her rote recitation of the conservative partyline was still back in the beehive days of weak governing of the rich...

written by Pointer, 03 October 2008
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