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Rating:

Cleric: Replace capitalism with Islamic financial system

Basically, he explained that if there is a problem with a bank, you don't bail it out, you take it out - by flying a jetliner into it. Note: Sharia law prescribes principal bank owners be aboard.

written by Judge Retort, 12 October 2008
Rating:

President Bush has private meeting with Cheney:

Taped: "Dang Dick, 100 more days seems like forever to me. I want out now! Well, I cancelled the Iran incursion, and the Venezuelan Coup. No siree! 100 days thats it! Not one day more!"

written by Leslie Mintz , 12 October 2008
Rating:

Acorn Announces Plans to Register More Black Bears in Alaska!

David Duke sez: won't work-- too cold, they can't swim, bloods too thin, and they'd rather eat from a condo dumpster than earn their own food....but if they can dance......."

written by Morse, 12 October 2008
Rating:

Kate Moss Figure stolen

'Siren', a 50kg solid gold statue of model Kate Moss has been stolen today from the British Museum, in London. Police suspect the statue was taken by ex-boyfriend Pete Doherty.

written by IN SEINE, 12 October 2008
Rating:

Queen to sell Buckingham palace

Queen Elizabeth has announced that she will sell Buckingham Palace in order to raise money for Government when the financial crisis completes its rout. Any chance she might sell Prince Phillip?

written by whatinthe world, 12 October 2008
Rating:

Saddam Not Answering

Psychics all over the world say they're having trouble getting into contact and channeling Saddam Hussein, because he always hangs up.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2008
Rating:

2009 Hurricane Prediction

Researchers at Colorado Weather Center have already determined that at least nine major hurricanes will form in the Gulf and Atlantic in 2009, zero to hit Colorado.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2008
Rating:

VP Stand-In Discovered

It has now been reported that while Sarah Palin was practicing for the VP Debate in Arizona, standing in for the part of Joe Biden was one Pluggo the Clown.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2008
Rating:

Peacekeepers Doing "Heckova Job"

On the African continent, it was reported that United Nations Peacekeepers had killed another 35 people in the Congo.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2008
Rating:

Fortune Just A Little Off

After having a gypsy fortune teller tell him he is about to meet a gorgeous gal named Iris, local loser John Plelps of Utah gets a surprise visit from a blond auditor from the IRS.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2008
Rating:

Free Soup

Thousands of service stations around the United States have began giving out a free bowl of soup with every gasoline fillup.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2008
Rating:

DC Rally Planned

Thousands of women plan to come to a rally in Washington, DC this week to demand that a woman be finally elected as the head of "The Old Boy Network".

written by Bureau, 12 October 2008
Rating:

Obama Takes A Hit

Obama says there's nothing to the accusation of his being friends with 1960's radical, Bill Ayers. Then, to prove his point, Ayers came out of the crowd and hit him in the face with a cream pie.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2008
Rating:

G-7 United

President Bush says the G-7 conference will ease the economic crisis. "We're standing shoulder to shoulder to shoulder to shoulder to shoulder to shoulder to shoulder on this one."

written by Bureau, 12 October 2008
Rating:

Faking It

Over 4,000 "dead people" have been found on voter rolls in Houston as voting officials suspect fake voter registration.

written by Bureau, 12 October 2008
Rating:

Palin picked to appeal to lowest common denominator...

..but the lowest, common demon ate her.

written by matthatt, 12 October 2008
Rating:

Dalai Lama Has Gallstones Removed!

Researchers believe that Gallstones can be caused by a lifetime of meditation...

written by Pointer, 12 October 2008
Rating:

A Little Bit of That Crawford, Texas Cipherin'

President Bush raised $2 million in Florida and South Carolina. He stated that after he is reimbursed for motel room, meals, and gas money, he will turn over about $1 million to the GOP Committee.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 October 2008
Rating:

The Most Famous Hockey Mom in The Lower 48

Governor Sarah Palin dropped the ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers - New York Rangers game. But hey no problem, one of her aides quickly picked it right up.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 October 2008
Rating:

Only 100 'Invading' Days Left

President Bush is down to his last 100 days in office. But he says not to expect him to quietly fade into the Texas night. About 100 million Americans could be heard saying "Damnit!!!"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 October 2008
Rating:

That Sure is One Smart Cuban Cookie

Fidel Castro says that racism exists in the United States. He later says, "KFC serves chicken, and The Rocky Mountains are real high."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 October 2008
Rating:

For Sale: No Money Down

A Connecticut woman charged with reckless endangerment when she served marijuana-tainted cake to her real estate agent. Authorities first became suspicious when the agent sold her a house for $18.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 October 2008
Rating:

McCain Makes An Oak Out of ACORN!

John McCain's Republicans are purging voters' registries in swing states at a blinding rate. His complaints about ACORN are turning a molehill into a mountain!

written by Pointer, 12 October 2008
Rating:

The King's Princess

Lisa Marie Presley gave birth to twin girls. One baby weighed 5 lbs. 15 ozs. and the other one weighed 5 lbs. 2 ozs. The twins are absolutely beautiful...and so are the babies.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 October 2008
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