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New Harry Potter Book In the Works

J.K. Rowling has reacted to the economic crises by announcing that she will add another book to the famed series. Rowling commented by stating, "AIG was not the best stock option."

written by Wesley, 10 October 2008
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Angry mob throw bricks at Iceland

An angry mob began throwing bricks at UK food store, Iceland, branch in Huddersfield. They blame the store for freezing their bank accounts. The mob had a frosty reception from managers today.

written by IN SEINE, 10 October 2008
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Iceland awaits global warming

Iceland eagerly awaits global warming so that at least its banks will unfreeze their accounts.

written by IN SEINE, 10 October 2008
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Smutty

The iconic Puppet, Sooty, who appeared with friends, Sweep the dog and Sue the panda has an evil twin called Smutty. He always made lewd suggestions as to what he would like to do to Sue.

written by IN SEINE, 10 October 2008
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Sooty to be sold

One of the original Sooty puppets set to go under the hammer, today, but do not fear little children, he will be wearing a crash helmet.

written by IN SEINE, 10 October 2008
Rating:

Strike Three!

US Government bails out Mortgage Giants. Bush says, "I missed that one, I thought they were still playing in San Francisco...oh well, say hi to the '3M Boys,' Mays, McCovey, and Marichal.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 10 October 2008
Rating:

Warren Buffet - aka 'Numero Uno'

Buffet has passed Bill Gates on the Forbes 400 List. He's worth $58 billion, Gates only worth $55.5 billion. Gates says he will have to sell off Lake Michigan, The Pacific Ocean, and Seattle.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 10 October 2008
Rating:

Hurricane Norbert(o)

A hurricane warning has been issued for the west coast of Baja California, Mexico. The advisory simply read: "Norbert is coming - Let's Vamoose!!!"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 10 October 2008
Rating:

Alpha Beta Ouch!

The financial meltdown has now reached the collegiate ivory towers...sadly turning them into rivers of liquid ivory.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 10 October 2008
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There Are a Lot of Sad Snowmen In Alaska

Snowballing sell off gains momentum throughout the world. Alaskan authorities report that in just one day they managed to sell a record 16 million snowballs.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 10 October 2008
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Happy Birthday Vladi!

Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin received a baby tiger for his 56th birthday. He replied, "It is the very first time that I've ever received a birthday present that opened itself."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 10 October 2008
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Shark "virgin birth" confirmed by scientists

Independent research could not confirm that the shark pup walked across the Indian Ocean as the seawater suddenly changed to wine and the reporters were to drunk to work.

written by Jalapenoman, 10 October 2008
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Governor Palin: "Next Question?"

Gov. Palin was asked about the 'Troopergate' controversy and replied, "Okay guys, let me go ahead and clear that scandal up once and for all...what happens in Alaska, stays in Alaska."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 10 October 2008
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Chant Monks

China accused Tibetan monks yesterday of synchronized chants from a mountain retreat that has led over 1,000 of it's troops to totally crack up.

written by Bureau, 10 October 2008
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New Stamp

The U.S. Post Office has announced the printing of a new commemorative stamp that will feature their first commemorative stamp.

written by Bureau, 10 October 2008
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ABC Bolcks

Report: Playing with ABC Blocks helps a child to develop language skills, while playing with ABC Bricks help to develop even more colorful language skills.

written by Bureau, 10 October 2008
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First Case of SIDS

88-year-old Mary Jane Elderberry of Springfield, Mass. became the first known case of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome during her second childhood.

written by Bureau, 10 October 2008
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Trouble Again In Caribbean

Haitian President Rene Preval called for calm in his island nation but told reporters privately, "This is the worst crisis we've had here in six weeks."

written by Bureau, 10 October 2008
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No Longer Helping Out

Expert parachutist Jerome Slaughter says he'll never help another octogenarain jump out of a plane piggy-back style. It may be HIS dream but it's not mine when he shits his pants and mine too."

written by Bureau, 10 October 2008
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Nader's Hopes

Ralph Nader's hopes for the presidency rely heavily upon a large turn-out of tree-sitters, Prius owners and those that hate Obama & McCain equally, according to today's Washington Post.

written by Bureau, 10 October 2008
Rating:

Debt Clock Bailout

In a sign of the times, the national debt clock in NYC has run out of digits to record the growing figure. Early this morning, the House & Senate sponsored a bill to loan money to allow more digits.

written by Bureau, 10 October 2008
Rating:

McCain, The Rifleman

Barack Obama has objected to John McCain's use of his middle name, "Hussein". "From now on, we use McCain's middle name, "Lucas" because he shoots from the hip", stated Hussein.

written by Bureau, 10 October 2008
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Another Amazon Discovery

Still another previously undiscovered Amazon tribe has been discovered by a forest-cleaning crew. Anthropologists first to arrive claim the people there do not even have a word for "Gelin".

written by Bureau, 10 October 2008
Rating:

CBS Reporter Shock: Obama Airplaine Smells Bad

Recognition for media gaff of the week this time goes to Dean Reynolds for this gem: "Somehow the McCain folks manage to keep their charter clean, even where the press is seated."

Dean, shower!

written by Judge Retort, 10 October 2008
Rating:

Dem: Only terrorist attack could preclude Obama landslide

And the Republican rebuttal: Only Ralph Nader dropping dead can preclude McCain landslide!

written by Judge Retort, 10 October 2008
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Iceland to be renamed

Iceland will be renamed to "Melted"

written by disciple, 10 October 2008
Rating:

"Got Milk?"

Angelina Jolie criticized for photo of her breastfeeding on the W Magazine cover. She said, "What's the the big deal. Brad and I are married...it's not like I was breastfeeding a complete stranger!"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 10 October 2008
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