There were 812 spoof news snippets published in October 2008. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.

Order by:
Rating:

Osbourne Innocent

Ozzy Osbourne said "I don't know any f***ing Russian billionaire and I got enough money meself so whoever told you this bollox is a f***ing lying b*stard."
<shouts> "Sharon where's that F***ing tea?"

written by IN SEINE, 22 October 2008
Rating:

Smegmadale Autumn Sales

Some great discount bargains on offer this week at the Smegmadale Poundland Emporium's Autumn sale, with 25% off most items including grey paint, inflatable tomcats, barbed wire and broken glass.

written by Rusty, 28 October 2008
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Ross and Brand: over-rated, cheap and out of control.

The Beeb is anxious to minimise any financial fallout over Ross and Brand's distasteful antics, so has included their names in the list of 1,800 items of human deadwood it is making redundant.


written by Rusty, 30 October 2008
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Carbon Footprint Reduction Estimates Fantasy

Carbon footprint science clots today admitted that publicizing carbon reduction information is producing more of the crap than affecting its reduction.

written by Rusty, 27 October 2008
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Soap Actor Cleared over Attack

Soap actor Ben Lux, who plays a bar of soap in ITV1's Smegmadale, has been cleared of attacking a 16 year old female bar of Palmolive soap from Cheshire, while on vacation in Barbados. Que?

written by Rusty, 18 October 2008
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David Blaine to be Reborn

Street Magic star David Blaine today signed a deal to perform his latest endurance feat, Reborn, by being enclosed in a giant condom and stuck up Jade Goody's pussy for a month.

written by Rusty, 14 October 2008
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UK Police Launch Alternative to 999 Calls

Police hope the new number - 10-10-10 - will make it easier for the public to contact them in emergency situations and reduce the number of inappropriate 999 calls.

written by Rusty, 14 October 2008
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Ray Mears Arrested

Survivalist Ray Mears was arrested today in Alaska while driving a dog sled and husky team whose Tundra Tax and MOT certificates had expired.

written by Rusty, 18 October 2008
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Paddington Bear is 50 today

Paddington Bear's 50th birthday party tour around London in an open-topped bus has been cancelled due assassination threats by the Popular Front for the Liberation of Wandsworth.

written by Rusty, 13 October 2008
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Jimmy Page spotted at tool shop

Led Zeppelin guitarist, Jimmy Page, was spotted at a Plant hire shop. Mr Page was said to be looking rather desperate.

written by IN SEINE, 28 October 2008
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Golden Gun Stolen

A gun, worth £80,000 was stolen from studios in Hertfordshire. The golden gun was last used in the 1974 Bond movie, The Man With The Golden Gun. Police suspect a man with 3 nipples stole it.

written by IN SEINE, 11 October 2008
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Condoms for Goats?

The Nanny state has issued Kenyan goats with condoms - just in case they get the horn.

written by IN SEINE, 06 October 2008
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Tree Man

Following successful surgery, Tree Man says he plans to branch out. Financiers remain skeptical...

written by Skoob1999, 08 October 2008
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Obama 'honoured' by Mugabe offer

Barak Obama's office announced today that he would be honoured to take over a couple of farms in Zimbabwe should his election campaign fail...in response to Mugabe offer.

written by Skoob1999, 08 October 2008
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Blame The French

When asked who was to blame for the global financial crisis, Brit would-be PM David Cameron slated the French for being too sensible, too laid back, too patriotic, and too into doing their own thing.

written by Skoob1999, 08 October 2008
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Usain Bolt Happy With Training Regime

Yeah man, me so happy with the training. Me run 100 meters this mornin and when I looked back me saw meself catchin me up

written by Skoob1999, 15 October 2008
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French Fury

The French government were reported to be 'not bothered' about what anybody thinks outside of France. 'We don't have time for this nonsense,' a French spokesperson said.

written by Skoob1999, 08 October 2008
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Cashley Cole Boos Arthur Pewty

Pewty responds: 'It's a piss take.'

written by Skoob1999, 15 October 2008
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Palin says "time to take the gloves off"

Obama replies, "Is my proctology exam finished?"

written by David David, 06 October 2008
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Troubled AIG to Drop Manchester United Sponsorship

Red's Wayne Rooney was upbeat at the likelihood of having something easier to spell on his shirt.

written by David David, 06 October 2008
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Ruth Kelly Replaced by R Kelly

Gordon Brown claims it will save taxpayers millions on Transport Department letterhead.

written by David David, 04 October 2008
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Paula Abdul to Debate Sarah Palin

Pit Bull, my ***, says Paula. Palin's a light-weight compared to Simon.

written by David David, 04 October 2008
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Barney Frank Hot for Mullah's New Holloween Costume Idea!

Barney was "wild" over Sheikh Muhammed al Habadan's decree to adapt a Nigab with only one eye exposed to limit sexual arousal in men. Frank had one of the veils hemmed to wear as "jogging shorts"

written by Morse, 06 October 2008
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Bee Gees hit could save your life

US medics find the Bee Gees song, Stayin' Alive, provides an ideal beat to follow when performing CPR on a victim of a cardiac arrest. However, listening to the 'Smiths' can instantly kill you.

written by IN SEINE, 20 October 2008
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Illinois Governor guarantees Obama will win the state in November election

Chicago mayor promises that, once again, he'll make sure that the Democrats get the cemetary votes.

written by Jalapenoman, 04 October 2008
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Acorn Announces Plans to Register More Black Bears in Alaska!

David Duke sez: won't work-- too cold, they can't swim, bloods too thin, and they'd rather eat from a condo dumpster than earn their own food....but if they can dance......."

written by Morse, 12 October 2008
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DEMS Now Lead GOP 5-1 In Illegal Voter Registrations!

Florida leads ACORN voter drive with 108,000 convicted felons registered. No one has time to check identities. DEMS say they'll look into it "next year!" GOP says "Supreme Court will settle it!"

written by Morse, 13 October 2008
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Pair of nickers found at Beckham Mansion

A couple, both housekeepers at David Beckham's Mansion have been accused of stealing various items and trying to sell them on ebay - including two of Victoria's size -4 dresses.

written by IN SEINE, 14 October 2008
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Arafat Affair

In a new book release, author Hans Shultz reveals that longtime Palestian Leader, Yasser Arafat, once had an affair with Gaza Gabor.

written by Bureau, 25 October 2008
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Something Smells Fishy In Seattle

Seven orca whales are missing from Seattle's Puget Sound. Police are interrogating the owner of Seattle's newest restaurant, 'Ollie's Orcaburgers.'

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 October 2008
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Wildly Swinging Rep. Barney Frank Warns Others in Foursome!

Teeing off with four friends at local swingers club, the Democratic Congressman suddenly yelled "FOREskin!", when his penis inadvertently darted out of bounds.He happily swallowed a 2 stoke penalty

written by Morse, 01 October 2008
Rating:

Obama takes 7 point lead over McCain

"It's just a touchdown," said the Arizona Senator, "we'll get 'em back in the second half."

written by Jalapenoman, 02 October 2008
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Mars Lander finds evidence of water and snow on planet

The discovery was found behind a Starbucks and next door to an Indian owned motel and a convenience store near the canals.

written by Jalapenoman, 02 October 2008
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Study traces origin of A.I.D.S. virus to over 100 years ago

John McCain said that he is not responsible.

written by Jalapenoman, 02 October 2008
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IOC concludes that there were no problems with age of Chinese gymnasts

Announcement made from party on nudist cruise ship in Greek isles sponsored by Chinese goverment

written by Jalapenoman, 02 October 2008
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The Crazy World of Insects

A one foot long Borneo stick bug was named 'The World's Biggest Stick Bug.' Unfortunately, an hour later, it was eaten by a Borneo spider that had been named 'The World's Biggest Spider.'

written by Abel Rodriguez, 20 October 2008
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For Sale: One Chinese Fire Drill

Wal-Mart sets new rules for Chinese suppliers: Don't send any more 'Glow-in-The-Dark Rice' or Chinese checkers made from cat balls. And we are returning all unsold jalapeno-flavored chop sticks.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 October 2008
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Mi Lapiz Es Azul (My Pencil Is Blue)

A 6.5 earthquake hits Mexico. Authorities report no injuries but did see three terrified 'toros,' some scattered 'pinatas,' and a Taco Bell sign missing the T, the C, the O, and the second L.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 October 2008
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The Robbery Note Read: Hand Over The Right Guard

A man in Florida used a BB gun to rob a can of deodorant from a supermarket. When police asked him why in the world he would use a BB gun, he replied, "Because my water gun was out of water."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 October 2008
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Madonna's Latest Tour: "The Like A Material Divorce Tour"

Madonna and husband Guy Ritchie announce (again) that they are divorcing. Madonna told a reporter "and we are going to keep announcing it until people start paying attention."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 October 2008
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Would You Like Some Hot Sauce?

A Colorado couple ordered some tacos and found a small bag of marijuana on top of them. The customer told police, "Look I specifically said we'd like some tacos with no onions and no marijuana."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 October 2008
Rating:

Cindy McCain - The Queen of Budweiser

Joe the Plumber endorses John McCain. When asked if Cindy McCain hiring him as a beer truck driver at $37.50 an hour had anything to do with it, Joe said, "Hey that's why they call it politics, duh."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 October 2008
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Internet survey wants to know which Harry Potter teen star you think will be the most successful in their acting career

The majority says that, unless Emma Watson chooses to perform nude, it will probably still be Alan Rickman and Maggie Smith.

written by Jalapenoman, 11 October 2008
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O.J. Simpson guilty on all counts

Former NFL star to write new book in prison, "If I Hadn't Done This, Here's What I Would Have Done Instead."

written by Jalapenoman, 04 October 2008
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Russian Stock Market Tanks, Causes Run on Bidets!

Kohler Corp.says it can't keep up with Russian demand for their top of the line bidets. Local plumber Boris Dumpinsky says: Da! wash potatoes, crush, make vodka, tastes like piss, forget about Putin!

written by Morse, 05 October 2008
Rating:

Bush Memo: Cancel The Fence, We're Gettin' Us A Wall!

Richard Garriott who paid Russia $30 million to fly on their space station says he got his money's worth. Next he wants to buy 'The Great Wall of China' and move it to the US-Mexico border.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 October 2008
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3,2,1, Liftoff!

India launches it's first unmanned moon rocket. It's neighbor Bangladesh says it hopes to also launch it's first moon rocket just as soon as it can find a nice, affordable used one to buy.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 October 2008
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Obama Earmarks $157,000 to Bailout Oprah's Momma!

Oprah's Momma, Vernita Lee, is in trouble, AGAIN. After settling a $175k clothing bill in 2002, says she will sue store for extending more credit to feed her habit. Obama pledges "racist bill" Bailout.

written by Morse, 02 October 2008
Rating:

It's Official!

British Summer Time has been CANCELLED, because here in Britain, we have had no summer.... YET!

written by IN SEINE, 25 October 2008
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World of Shit

Tha space station has once again reported that the toilet there is still acting up. NASA Headquarters received a call earlier today stating, "Houston, we're in a world of shit up here!"

written by Bureau, 16 October 2008
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Shark "virgin birth" confirmed by scientists

Independent research could not confirm that the shark pup walked across the Indian Ocean as the seawater suddenly changed to wine and the reporters were to drunk to work.

written by Jalapenoman, 10 October 2008
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Muslim Riots at Presidential Poling Places Cause Chaos!

Illegal, militant Muslims are refusing leave the Polls until foot baths are installed in voting booths. Americans agree, but say THEY need to wash their hands after "feeling dirty on shitty choices".

written by Morse, 11 October 2008
Rating:

Obama and McCain agree to swap Vice Presidential Candidates for Hollywood election theme

The election will now be "Grumpy Old Men" versus "The Young and the Restless."

written by Jalapenoman, 11 October 2008
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Crude Oil prices drop more than 40% in last week to six month low

Oil companies respond by raising gas prices five cents per gallon.

written by Jalapenoman, 04 October 2008
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Cigarette Butts The Size of Loaves of Bread

Geologists in Utah discover a 190 million year old 'dinosaur dance floor.' Among artifacts they dig up are a two-foot drink umbrella, a lipstick the size of a Kia, and a Tyrannosaurus condom.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 October 2008
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Rolls Royces' 'Silver Spirit' to have make over

The 'Silver Spirit' mascot that has adorned Rolls Royce cars for almost a century is to be replaced by the 'Siren' - a golden model of Kate Moss.

written by IN SEINE, 13 October 2008
Rating:

Very Litttle Helps!

A naked man found stuck up a chimney in a Tesco supermarket told police today that he was not going to burgle the shop but that he was dyslexic and he thought their slogan was: "Very Little Helps".

written by IN SEINE, 22 October 2008
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The Grand Wizard of The Order Out Pizza

Rep. John Murtha apologized for saying that people living in western Pennsylvania were racist because they're not. KKK Grand Dragon Bubba Bob Grumbleberry of Moon Pa. stated, "The hell we ain't!"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 October 2008
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Readin', Rritin', and, Rithmatic

Sarah Palin tells a campaign crowd that McCain will probably get 100% of the KKK vote. Joe Biden replies "Not unless the ballots have photos."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 October 2008
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Coach Bobby Knight...67 Going On 6

Coach Bobby Knight, 67, says he wants to return to coach college basketball. When asked why he replied, "I guess I just miss watching myself on television make a complete ass of myself."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 October 2008
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The Great Lakes (H.O.M.E.S.)

The five Great Lakes are in bad shape. Sen. Obama stated, "Fundamentally, we can do one of two things. One we can clean them up or two we can change their name to The Not-So-Great Lakes."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 October 2008
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Indian Waiters Kill "Arrogant" UK Writer in Australia! Ends "on the bus this morning" travelogue!

Indian waiters in the Goa region reacted violently, ganging up and beating to death the UK tourist during his final meal. Staff said he was "rude" and refused to curry favour amongst stinking servers.

written by Morse, 11 October 2008
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Sort of Like The ZZ Top Song

Bull vs. Bear Market looking for bottom. Hugh Hefner replies, "What a coincidence, so am I."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 October 2008
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"Wimmins and Chenelmens Preeze Phasen Yor Sheat Bells"

A United Airlines pilot arrested and taken out of the cockpit on suspicion of being drunk. The pilot vehemently denied it, but the nude stripper that was sitting on his lap kind of gave him away.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 20 October 2008
Rating:

The Emperor Sticks His Cowboy Boot In His Mouth Again

President Bush says the US has to help poor nations. What??? Ahhhh look around Georgy boy because thanks to you and your GOPals WE are now one of those 'poor' nations.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 October 2008
Rating:

Free Pizza: But We Don't Deliver

A Pizzeria is offering free pizza for anyone bringing in a McCain sign. Not to be outdone another pizzeria will take Obama signs in exchange for a free pizza, a 3 liter soda, cheese sticks, and $200.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 October 2008
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Jessica Romo?

Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo broke his pinkie finger during their loss to the Arizona Cardinals. His girlfriend Jessica Simpson replied, "Hey y'all I'm just happy it wasn't his ring finger."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 October 2008
Rating:

Amazon Cargo Boat Tragedy

A cargo boat sank in the Amazon river today. Known to be infested with Piranah fish. There were no survivors.

"However a skeleton crew were left." authorities said.

written by IN SEINE, 14 October 2008
Rating:

Yes, I'll Have Fries With That

American companies are scrambling for a piece of that $700 billion bailout. At the head of the line is the CEO of the McDonald's corporation, who stated, "Hey have you priced sesame seeds lately?"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 October 2008
Rating:

Texas A&M releases plan to cut greenhouse gases at University

School solution will not let greenhouse employees to eat Taco Bell bean burritos during lunch hour.

written by Jalapenoman, 16 October 2008
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C.S.I. featuring death of Warrick Brown highest rated televsion episode in five years

Executives at C.B.S. and Jerry Bruckheimer Productions now plan on killing off a cast member each week to keep ratings high.

written by Jalapenoman, 16 October 2008
Rating:

Biden Labels Dem Economic Plan "Obamination"!

Speaking at a Scout convention, he was corrected by an Eagle Scout who had not cheated to earn his badges, explaining the word was "Abomination". Stunned, he mumbled "Whatever" and was led away.

written by Morse, 08 October 2008
Rating:

ACLU Appeals Judge's Ruling that "You Can't Sue God!"

Taking on Nebraska DEM State Senator's disallowed case because "God can't be found to issue Subpoena", ACLU spokesman cried "FOUL!" Claims Sen. Obama will be the World's most accessible Deity!

written by Morse, 17 October 2008
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Oprah Lavishes Gifts on Homeless Audience

Inviting Chicago's homeless into her audience for a special episode, Oprah donated numerous gifts to them all including; Dyson vacuums, RevereWare pots, Hamilton blenders, and Swiffer Wet Jets.

written by P.M. Wortham, 17 October 2008
Rating:

Witch Crashes at Heathrow

A 98 year-old Witch, Zelda Haggard, lost control of her broom over London's busy Heathrow airport today. "A 737 inbound from Toulouse just cut me up and I flew off the handle" she cackled.

written by IN SEINE, 19 October 2008
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England does its bit for Obama campaign

Following the American trend of having dog collars with the words 'BARK FOR BARAK', English 'doggers' (folks who have sex in public) are going to wear wrist bands and condoms saying 'BONK FOR BARAK'.

written by IN SEINE, 19 October 2008
Rating:

Sing It Reba, But A Little Higher This Time

Country music singer Reba McEntire reveals that she was a 'man' in a previous life...okay so that explains why she forgot her wedding anniversary, her love for spitting, and her moustache.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 20 October 2008
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Lewis Hamilton takes pole in Japan

Britain's F1 ace, Lewis Hamilton has taken a Pole out for an evening meal in Tokyo before Sunday's Grand Prix. The Pole, Anna Cracowlav, 22, from Warsaw, enjoyed her meal of sushi and noodles.

written by IN SEINE, 11 October 2008
Rating:

A Little Bit of That Crawford, Texas Cipherin'

President Bush raised $2 million in Florida and South Carolina. He stated that after he is reimbursed for motel room, meals, and gas money, he will turn over about $1 million to the GOP Committee.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 October 2008
Rating:

Good Thing He Didn't Try To Steal a Lobster

A Florida man caught trying to steal bags of frozen shrimp by sticking them in his pants...kind of gives new meaning to the word...shrimp.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 October 2008
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Hey Vito, Is That Your Toilet Ringing?

Texas prison officials are upset that many inmates have cell phones; a direct prison violation. One warden first became suspicious when the pizza delivery guy was showing up five or six times a day.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 October 2008
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Myrtle Beach Police Investigate Shooting at Derriere's Gentlemen's Club!

Shot in the ass, visiting politician, Barney Frank declined to press charges. "I got it all backwards, I thought it was a different kind of club."

written by Morse, 13 October 2008
Rating:

Gordon Brown's Eyesight Continuing to Fail.."can't see Shit" says aide!

The PM, blind in one eye from Rugby injury, hampered by cataract in other, continues to stumble leading the Labour Party. "it's really getting messy at 10 Downing, he keeps steppin' in IT" aide said

written by Morse, 13 October 2008
Rating:

Pelosi Calls House Back to Session, Offers New Stimulus Package!

Saying "We'll have time on our hands now", referring to Obama Presidency, the speaker gifted her supporters with ribbon wrapped solar powered dildos. She reminded them " to keep your thumb on it!"

written by Morse, 13 October 2008
Rating:

New Study Links High Sperm Count to Intelligence: Palin Urges Vasectomy for DEMS!

Backed by the Surgeon General, Governor Palin urged IQ challenged DEMS to lay off in hopes of curtailing stupidity in Congress. Seems doubtful as ACORN continues to register voters from low gene pool

written by Morse, 13 October 2008
Rating:

The GOP Has Lot$ and Lot$ and Lot$ of Money

Due to the controversy that she spent $150,000 on clothes Sarah Palin said, "I'm taking the clothes back, and I'll just campaign in the nude." McCain's poll numbers instantly shot up 17 points!

written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 October 2008
Rating:

Gambler's Anonymous? You Bet!

A Dublin, Ireland bookmaker declares Sen. Obama will win the Nov. 4 election. It's already paying off: Joe Biden will receive $40, Michelle Obama will receive $90, and Sarah Palin will receive $850.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 October 2008
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Kindly and Gently Place All Firearms In The Collection Plate

A Harlem church collected 500 guns in exchange for $200 bank cards. The only downside is that the guns had been used in robberies to get other guns, to get other guns, to get other guns...

written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 October 2008
Rating:

Alaska - The Land of The Mortified Moose

Joe Biden told a crowd of supporters, "Ladies and gentlemen I am tremendously thrilled to announce that Sarah Palin's 15 minutes of fame are just-about-up!"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 October 2008
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She'll Certainly Make Some Man A Good Wife

A woman from Barcelona, Spain was awarded the International Macy's Award of Merit for proving that you CAN make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 October 2008
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Made In Korea by Koreans

North Korea is set to make a big announcement. Inside sources say North Korea and South Korea will officially exchange names. North Korea says they want to drive the American mapmakers crazy.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 20 October 2008
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Earthquakes Are Relatively Unheard of In Texas

Two minor earthquakes rocked the Dallas-Fort Worth area. Meanwhile it is being reported on Fox News that Cheyenne, Wyoming is bracing for Hurricane Panchita.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 31 October 2008
Rating:

You Can't See The Forest For The Bush

McCain & Palin focusing on economy. McCain says, "Okay, I'm focused...and my friends, the economy is all 'F'ed up!" Sarah Palin says, "I'm focused and I can see the Russian economy from my house."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 October 2008
Rating:

So That's How Custer Felt

The McCain campaign is concerned that the cavalry just ain't coming. 'Snowflake Sarah' Palin remarked, "Ya know, I think what probably happened is that they turned left at Detroit."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 22 October 2008
Rating:

Would You Like Your Weapon in Paper or Plastic?

A new drugstore in Virginia will not sell candy, sodas, or birth control items...how about guns? You'll find them in aisle 7 next to the swords.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 October 2008
Rating:

Sticks & Stones 'Big Mac & Bones'

McCain said Obama will 'say anything' to get elected. Obama replied, "That's not so, because basically and fundamentally, I will not only 'say anything,' I will also 'do anything' to get elected."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 October 2008
Rating:

A Beyonce By Any Other Name

Beyonce has christened herself, 'Sasha Fierce' and she wants people to call her by that name. When Michael Jackson heard about it he said, "Okay and I want people to call me LaQuisha Timid."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 October 2008
Rating:

Apple, iPod, and Mr. Fifi

The computer giant Apple, Inc., maker of iPod, states it is in favor of same-sex marriages. iPod sales in West Hollywood instantly increase by 400%.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 October 2008
Rating:

Solar System Maps - The Scientific Christmas Gift

NASA launches probe to map the solar system edge...one inch equals 50,000,000 miles!

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 October 2008
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Stock Plunge

There was another stock plunge yesterday and a cattle boat leaving Argentina and headed for Brazil with a huge load of cattle went under.

written by Bureau, 24 October 2008
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