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Rating:

Hundreds Flee

A report out of Harlan, Kentucky say that hundreds of people have fled the area after a weather-balloon-shaped object mysteriously appeared in the sky last night.

written by Bureau, 06 November 2008
Rating:

Return Visit To Amazon

In a return visit to the Amazon, scientists were surprised to find that the lost tribe they had discovered three years ago not only have electricity but also a Harrahs Casino.

written by Bureau, 06 November 2008
Rating:

Taliban Doing Their Share

In a move towards doing their share in the fight against global warming, The Taliban have vowed to use only solar-powered batteries for genital hook-ups.

written by Bureau, 06 November 2008
Rating:

Jehinslamstianist Sues Micky D

An employee for McDonalds, who claims he is a "Jehinslamstianist", is suing the company for not allowing him to be off work with pay during his 97 annual Holy Days.

written by Bureau, 06 November 2008
Rating:

Supremes Still Rule

The Supreme Court, still delaying voting on gay marriages, children's rights, legalized marijuana for medication among others, voted 5-4 today that "fancy" be removed from all ordinary ketchup labels.

written by Bureau, 06 November 2008
Rating:

Compound W Raided

Several Texas Rangers who raided the Compound W Factory last Spring over illegal immigrants are suffering from Horny Toad Syndrome.

written by Bureau, 06 November 2008
Rating:

FBI arrests new president

Shortly after the election victory new president Obama was arrested by FBI. Officials later said they mistook Obama for Osama. Just a silly spelling mistake & released him promptly.

written by Debasism, 06 November 2008
Rating:

From Net Nymph Back To Pavement Princess

Craig's List has stated that they will be cracking down on prostitution ads. So it appears that hundreds of street-walkers will be forced to going back to being street-walkers.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 November 2008
Rating:

Tarzan Would Be So Proud

An African tribe signs a $1.6 billion contract with a platinum mining company. A tribal spokesperson said "And this time they're paying us in 'CA$H' and not in spears, loin cloths, and lip dishes."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 November 2008
Rating:

Head North From Seattle And Turn Left At The Yukon

Gay couples in California are upset by the California marriage ban. Thousands of Gays and Lesbians from San Francisco and West Hollywood are threatening to move to Alaska and become the majority.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 November 2008
Rating:

Paloma: A Zebra-Smelling Hurricane?

Soon-to-be Hurricane Paloma has formed in the Gulf of Mexico. When Bush was told that it was off the Nicaraguan coast he replied, "Well lets just hope that Paloma stays way out there in Africa."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 November 2008
Rating:

Sarah 'The GOP Scapegoat' Palin

When Sarah Palin was asked which animal she was going to shoot first. She replied, "Well for the past two days everyone has been calling me a scapegoat, so I guess I'll hunt me a scapegoat."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 November 2008
Rating:

Not Bush

John McCain's DNA evidence that he "was not Bush" arrives three days too late.

written by Bureau, 06 November 2008
Rating:

Pallbearers

Cemetery officials stopped two pallbearers who had been carrying a coffin around Denton Cemetery for over seven hours. Apparently, they'd lost the plot.

written by IainB, 06 November 2008
Rating:

Tuesday Night's Hardest Job

The hardest job at Republican headquarters Tuesday night was being chosen to awaken John McCain at 11:10 P.M. and tell him he'd lost. "It's Ok", stated McCain, "I had to go to the bathroom anyway."

written by Bureau, 06 November 2008
Rating:

Dried Mushrooms Could Save Us

A report out this morning says that dried mushrooms could slow global warming, feed all the hungry, stop all wars or,
if consumed, just allow us to not give a shit one way or another.

written by Bureau, 06 November 2008
Rating:

Sarah Palin - Geography Grade: F-

A Fox News correspondent reported that Sarah Palin thought that Africa was a country instead of a continent. When corrected Palin said, "So what, nobody goes there anyway."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 November 2008
Rating:

Welcome To The Sometimes Friendly Skies...

An unruly passenger on a flight from Puerto Rico to Chicago was duct-taped to her seat. When asked about this harsh measure the captain replied, "She's just lucky we didn't staple her to her seat."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 November 2008
Rating:

Stalkers

After a recent crackdown on stalkers of footballers' wives, police said that the WAGs have finally shaken their tails.

written by IainB, 06 November 2008
Rating:

Comfort Eating

Oprah's size has started to balloon after she started comfort eating. She is now eating two sofas and a beanbag a day.

written by IainB, 06 November 2008
Rating:

A Pale Horse

A man dressed in flowing robes and riding a pale horse claims to be Jesus the Christ! Begins killing 1/4 of world.

written by JJ Jogolo, 06 November 2008
Rating:

Hilton Bill

At Paris Hilton's latest celebrity bash she had to pick up a huge bill. "That's the last time I order the pelican roast," she told reporters.

written by IainB, 06 November 2008
Rating:

Early exit polls reveal that Moose supported Palin in the election.

Said Bullwinkle, "We thought that sending her to Washington would lengthen our lifespans and keep us out of the stew pot."

written by Jalapenoman, 06 November 2008
Rating:

White House chefs to resign at end of Bush's term

New crew of cooks hired from local KFC to feed President Obama and family.

written by Jalapenoman, 06 November 2008
Rating:

A few months ago, Reverend Jeremiah Wright became famous for saying "God Damn America" from a Chicago Pulpit.

With the election of church member Barack Obama, it's obvious that he got his wish.

written by Jalapenoman, 06 November 2008
Rating:

Elija Wood + Viagra = New Spokesperson Wood

ELija Wood becomes the newest spokesperson to represent the Viagra product line. And the new product tag-line Viagra has come up with???, "They don't call me Wood for nothing! "

written by JJ Jogolo, 06 November 2008
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