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Rating:

Joaquin Phoenix & Paris Hilton

Joaquin Phoenix has stated that he will be retiring from acting. Meanwhile Paris Hilton recently remarked that she is seriously considering retiring from doing nothing.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 November 2008
Rating:

The $150 Million-a-Year Ransom Business

This past year the Somali pirates have made over $150 million in ransoms. It looks like maybe the 'Big Three' auto giants, Ford, Chrysler, and General Motors need to hire these boys as consultants.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 November 2008
Rating:

Will The 'Big Three' Lower Their Vehicle Prices?

General Motors, Ford, and Chrysler report record low auto sales. They ask for a $25 billion bailout. Here's a better idea, "Just look at Toyota and do exactly what they are doing."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 November 2008
Rating:

The Rolling Stones just keep on rolling

Rolling Stones lead singer Mick Jagger has said that lately he has been feeling somewhat depressed. He told a reporter for the BBC, "I just can't seem to get no satisfaction."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 November 2008
Rating:

The 'Bailout 'Money' Line Stretches Around The Block

Wall Street whined and cried and received a $700 billion bailout. The 'Big Three' car companies want a $25 billion bailout. Now prisoners at Sing Sing Prison are demanding 'bailout' money also.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 November 2008
Rating:

The World Greatest Proofing People

A team of European physicists has corroborated Albert Einstein's 'e=mc2' theory. The team's next project will be to prove that the surface of the sun is in fact, 'hotter-than-hell!'

written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 November 2008
Rating:

Helen's Gender Song

Helen Reddy's manager has said that Ms. Reddy will be releasing an updated version of her hit, "I Am Woman." The song due out in March is named, "I Am An Old Woman."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 November 2008
Rating:

President Bush's 'Word Count'

President Bush when told that Baghdad protesters had burned him in effigy replied, "Well I've got seven words for those fellas, 'I am still the president, and I am still gonna be bombing your ass.'"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 November 2008
Rating:

Happy Birthday To The NASA Space Station

NASA's Space Station celebrated its 10th birthday. Everything went great except that one of the birthday candles came off the cake and accidentally burned up a Swedish satellite that was passing by.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 November 2008
Rating:

Bush Gets Trimmed, His Italian Barber Upset

Simply an act of convenience back in Texas, "W" got a haircut at a local barbershop instead of from his regular Italian White House barber. Aldo Spinelli replied, "Nobody trims the Bush but me!"

written by P.M. Wortham, 21 November 2008
Rating:

Jacko Sneezes on Paparazzi, Gets Sued

Looking for a quick cash settlement, a local paparazzi who was accidentally sneezed on by Michael Jackson has sued for "Battery", claiming he was done irreparable harm by Jacko's phlegm.

written by P.M. Wortham, 21 November 2008
Rating:

Artie Lange Writes Bestseller?

Fresh from heroin addiction, drug rehab and several bouts with his analyst, Mr. Lange managed to write enough words to fill a tell-all book. Trading heroin for cupcakes, he is now addicted to food.

written by P.M. Wortham, 21 November 2008
Rating:

Diffferent Presidential Laps

Barack Obama says he still wants to use his laptop when he takes his seat in the Oval Office. On the other hand, President Bush had kept his lapdog there and President Clinton kept his own lapdancer.

written by Bureau, 21 November 2008
Rating:

Bush Reads To Obama's Daughters

Barack Obama's daughters, Malia and Sasha made their first trip to the White House yesterday where President Bush read them, "My Pet Goat" and "Little Black Sambo".

written by Bureau, 21 November 2008
Rating:

Jackman Sexiest Man

People Magazine has finished their poll and Hugh Jackman is now "The Sexiest Man Alive". Jackman just beat out Gilbert Gottfried by a mere 10,000,000 votes.

written by Bureau, 21 November 2008
Rating:

Civilization Collapse

Al Gore warned the world yesterday that it may be facing a civilization collapse from global warming, botched 2000 election.

written by Bureau, 21 November 2008
Rating:

Buggy direction 'affects child'

The direction a child is facing in their pram could affect their development and stress levels. A study suggests that it is cruel to force a child to see what it will look like in years to come.

written by IN SEINE, 21 November 2008
Rating:

Hospital to bury unclaimed organs

Alder Hey hospital, Merseyside are to bury any organs that are unclaimed. So far they have 3 Wurlitzers and a Hammond.

written by IN SEINE, 21 November 2008
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