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Rating:

Palin: I Still Think We'll Win

Governor, Sarah Palin, has closed Alaskan Borders and restricted internet and tv access to allow the Alaskan people to enjoy their day in the sun for just that little bit longer. "Look, I see Russia!"

written by Jonny Taff, 19 November 2008
Rating:

LA Takes a Stand Over Ringo Graffiti

The LAPD have put fame hungry Ringo Starr on house arrest since he has taken to graffiting his name onto every wall in Beverley Hills. Officer Axel Foley's statement read, simply: "Peace and Love"

written by Jonny Taff, 19 November 2008
Rating:

Debbie Mcgee In Rabies Horror

Magicians floosy, Debbie Mcgee, has contracted rabies after being bitten by a Swansea City fan. The jibbering idiot yelled 'Jack attack', then ran to her husband - well known corpse, Paul Daniels.

written by Jonny Taff, 19 November 2008
Rating:

Paul McCartney in Pinky Theft

An Alabaman pig worrier is to sue ex-Beatle Paul McCartney for a late night toe abduction. "He came in through the bathroom window", howled Billy-Bob Nine Toes.

written by Jonny Taff, 19 November 2008
Rating:

Teeters

The auto-aid plan headed for defeat as Big Three teeters.
Dolly Parton CD sales down 50% as Big Two teeters.

written by Bureau, 19 November 2008
Rating:

Pirates Capture "Little Buddy"

Pirates off the coast of Somalia report the capture of seven castaways from a desert isle and for someone to come get them. One called "Little Buddy" has already somehow sank one of their ships.

written by Bureau, 19 November 2008
Rating:

Eric Somebody Nominated

Barack Obama has named Eric Holder as his choice for Attorney General. So far all we know about Holder is that he once knew Sarah Palin years ago.

written by Bureau, 19 November 2008
Rating:

World Toilet Day

World Toilet Day is today and is promoted by Tearfund - a charity for the severely constipated.

written by IN SEINE, 19 November 2008
Rating:

Miss Michael Jackson

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's two and a half year old daughter Shiloh will only respond when called by the name 'John.' Michael Jackson said from now on he will only respond when called 'Gertrude.'

written by Abel Rodriguez, 19 November 2008
Rating:

Ted Stevens: "They never sent me a bill."

Alaskan senator Ted Stevens' defeat marks an end of an era. And what era is that? The "I am not going to disclose the $250,000 in gifts and home improvements that the 'big oil' folks gave me" era.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 19 November 2008
Rating:

Bailout news

Speaker Pelosi declared to the American people, "We're out of ideas, you're on your own". Leaving Washington for her multi million-dollar California vineyard she added, "Good luck".

written by Wickham Chase, 19 November 2008
Rating:

2000-Year-Old Earring

A two-thousand-year-old earring has been discovered in Jerusalem last week, along with one of King Herod's socks.

written by Bureau, 19 November 2008
Rating:

Jump In Name Calling

The name "Barack" is beginning to show up as a very popular name for new babies at hospitals. In the past year it's went from 10 millionth to 9th among blacks.

written by Bureau, 19 November 2008
Rating:

Small Family Meltdowns

Small, telephone-booth sized nuclear power plants may be available soon say scientists. Get ready to hear things on your radio like "The Jones on Elm had a meltdown last night. Avoid that street."

written by Bureau, 19 November 2008
Rating:

Astronauts Pissed

Astronauts will be drinking their own recycled urine in future flights, says NASA, but they will have their choice of either straight or mixed.

written by Bureau, 19 November 2008
Rating:

Gary Glitter relocating

Gary Glitter is relocating to County Durham after learning of the number of miners there.

written by Wickham Chase, 19 November 2008
Rating:

Lemmings meet to discuss ongoing rumors that they are a suicidal group

"We have reached a precipice after years of innuendo" one said. "We must throw ourselves into this to clear our good name".

written by Wickham Chase, 19 November 2008
Rating:

Paying a prostitute now illegal

With the new UK law making it illegal to pay for sex, 95% of husbands are imprisoned. The other 5% feel left out.

written by IainB, 19 November 2008
Rating:

Sticky situation

Spider-man impersonator caught in web of lies.

written by Wickham Chase, 19 November 2008
Rating:

New chemical weapons taste-tested

The ever popular Mustard gas is to be joined in the love-it-or-hate-it taste and terror stakes with new, improved and stickier Marmite Gas.

written by Mahavishnu BBZ, 19 November 2008
Rating:

Seve's Brain Op. in last gasp drama

Golfing legend Seve Ballesteros life-saving operation hit a last minute glitch. Scans of his frontal lobes revealed he had a hole in one.

written by Mahavishnu BBZ, 19 November 2008
Rating:

New Flavour for world poverty

Credit Crunch, the latest daily serving on everyons breakfast table is now available in Sour Grape flavour.

written by Mahavishnu BBZ, 19 November 2008
Rating:

Conference latest

Annual ADD conference cancelled due to lack of interest.

written by Wickham Chase, 19 November 2008
Rating:

Obama is the new Barack

But Rednecks want White Dubya back

written by Mahavishnu BBZ, 19 November 2008
Rating:

Latest from Tourettes symposium

"There's nothing f*&%$#g wrong with me you f*&%$#g c*&^s"!

written by Wickham Chase, 19 November 2008
Rating:

Paying for prostitutes

Paying for sex with prostitutes who are controlled by pimps or illegally trafficked to the UK is to be outlawed. "Does that from now on they'll be free?" asked one punter.

written by IN SEINE, 19 November 2008
Rating:

Met Office Closes Down

The department responsible for weather reporting throughout the UK has closed down for good. A spokesman said, "The weather just changes ALL the time, we cant be arsed with it any more"

written by Mahavishnu BBZ, 19 November 2008
Rating:

Cricket is wank. Official

After 110 years in the limelight, the snooty, 'sport' snorathon, for middle-class talentless twats has been regraded as 'Pointless Fuckery' by the Italian cock-stroking association.

written by Mahavishnu BBZ, 19 November 2008
Rating:

Maradona missing presumed addicted to Buckfast

After only 24 hours in Glasgow, Diego Maradona has gone missing after visiting an off-license. A man fitting his description was later seen on a kerb shouting "Ahm tha fookin hand o' bastard god, me!"

written by Mahavishnu BBZ, 19 November 2008
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