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George Takei loved it!

George Takei made his first tandem parachute jump today as 'I'm a Celebrity, Get Me out of Here' started. The Guy behind me was brilliant, and yes, the earth did move for me!" he said.

written by IN SEINE, 16 November 2008
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BBC to be sued

Gateshead Council are to sue the BBC over claiming an Angel figure to be worth over £1 million on its 'Antiques Roadshow' programme. "Don't they know it's only 15 years-old?" said a Council Official.

written by IN SEINE, 16 November 2008
Rating:

New Google Venture

Google are in talks with Pink Floyd's David Gilmour for rights to show the 'Dark Side of the Moon' in their new Google Moon venture which is to be launched as an offshoot of Google Earth, next year.

written by IN SEINE, 16 November 2008
Rating:

Woman 4-star General demoted

A woman has been promoted to 4-star general - the first female to reach the US army's highest rank. Within 10 minutes, Gen. Ann Dunwoody was demoted when she was caught playing with her privates.

written by IN SEINE, 16 November 2008
Rating:

Blakey hates Butler no more

Stephen Lewis who played Blakey on 'On the Buses', famously said "I hate you Butler!" is no longer able to, now that Reg Varney, has passed away aged 92.

written by IN SEINE, 16 November 2008
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Ladies and Gentlemen, Start (hic) Your Engines

NASCAR will band testing in 2009 to save team's money. So basically drivers won't be tested since it costs a lot of money to make sure that none of them are driving 200 MPH under the influence.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 November 2008
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The Donald - aka 'The Planet Man'

Two teams of astronomers have photo images showing four new planets outside our solar system. Donald Trump says that he has already inquired about purchasing and developing the four planets.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 November 2008
Rating:

Togo! Togo! Togo!

India plants it's flag on the the moon. They now join an elite club that includes the US, Russia, Japan, and China. Meanwhile the tiny African nation of Togo said, they are negotiating with FedEx.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 November 2008
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Canada releases fat git from prison

Canadian authorities have released a prisoner known as Big Mike who was found to be too fat to fit in his cell. Michel Lapointe was sentenced for 5 years but it will take 6 years to get him out.

written by IN SEINE, 16 November 2008
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Prison Break!

A manhunt is under way in west Germany for a convicted drug dealer who escaped by mailing himself out of jail. Police were suspicious when they found the parcel had no stamps or a forwarding address.

written by IN SEINE, 16 November 2008
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Eastern Wisdom

It has been pointed out by an unnamed source that "If the Chinese are so wise, how come they celebrate New Year in the middle of fucking February?"

written by Mahavishnu BBZ, 16 November 2008
Rating:

Indian Lunar probe

India's first unmanned lunar spacecraft, Chandrayaan 1, has sent a probe on to the surface of the Moon. This action has been taken to check out the viability of buiding a corner shop and a restaurant.

written by IN SEINE, 16 November 2008
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Hollywood Fame Maim Game

BJBE or 'Black Jack Blacks Eyes' is becoming the hot game this year, due to overhyping of his shite movies. "I cant wait to pop the little shit one on the hooter" said famous psychopath Dennis Hopper.

written by Mahavishnu BBZ, 16 November 2008
Rating:

Girl Guide & Boy Scout Leaders tie the knot

And headline writer stabbed by bad pun vigilante.

written by Mahavishnu BBZ, 16 November 2008
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Popeye Dolls to sue Simon Cowell for name theft

Little known Ukranian toymakers LeadPayntGameKorp, makers of replica dolls of popular Spinach addict Popeye, are suing Simon Cowell. Serves the smug cunt right. Wanker.

written by Mahavishnu BBZ, 16 November 2008
Rating:

Mini Pringles to replace communion wafer

In a move to boost church finances, they have finally gone down the road of commercial christianity. Look out for the New Improved Testament, sponsored by CocaCola, hitting the bookshelves this Xmas!

written by Mahavishnu BBZ, 16 November 2008
Rating:

Pop Stars bad lyrics lead to Poetic Licence being Revoked

The weeping, mediocre X-Factor generation was in turmoil today at the news that from midnight, lyrics must have substance, originality and emotion. Louis Walsh was rushed to hospital with chest pains.

written by Mahavishnu BBZ, 16 November 2008
Rating:

Housewarming Party to stand in next general election

Admittedly, no-one is too sure how this surreal pun is going to work in reality. But, they cant be worst than't last bloody lot, can they, eh? eh?

written by Mahavishnu BBZ, 16 November 2008
Rating:

Haitian Earthquake produces 'Perfect Milkshake'

Corporate warmongers & taste-free burger makers McDonalds execs. celebrated today with news that a recent 7.9 tremor in central Haiti created perfect milkshake consistency. Oh, & 193,000 locals died.

written by Mahavishnu BBZ, 16 November 2008
Rating:

Exorcising Demons makes them fitter - report

Priests have been warned off exorcisms, as, if you believe the headline, it actually increases demonic strength. But, its probably bollocks.

written by Mahavishnu BBZ, 16 November 2008
Rating:

TV presenters alcohol shame - Jamie Theakstons bitter.

Bland, weak-faced pretty boy Jamie has been hitting the booze, ironically without his 'pint'-sized sidekicks Ant & Dick.
Its fortunate that his name is a feeble pun for a named brand Northern ale.

written by Mahavishnu BBZ, 16 November 2008
Rating:

Mystery Laundry Masturbator Comes Clean

A TV celebrity caught wanking into Girls Alouds underwear at the BBC studios has confessed to his miscreance. Legally we cannot print his name, but a clue may be that he loves the smell of 'Daz'

written by Mahavishnu BBZ, 16 November 2008
Rating:

Beckham designs a new boot

David Beckham has designed a new boot: a car boot. Yes he says that the car boot will be u shaped and hold twice as much cargo as other vehicles.

written by whatinthe world, 16 November 2008
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