Spoof news snippets from Saturday 29 March 2008
Is The Reverend Wright Really Truthing Us Up?
36 years as pastor of a now megachurch in Chicago, the volatile Rev. Jeremiah Wright has admitted to some misstatements! "I correct any previous with Whitey is good, America loves people o color, Jews is all fine, and Barack's got me some bourbon!"
Recall issued on cloned Labradors
A mandatory recall has been issued on cloned Labradors after a defective dog started to manifest labradorescent skin colors and howling the Asian alphabet in pig Latin.
Senator John McCain admits he's older than the Dead Sea scrolls
At a press conference the senator said "I'm so old that when I was a kid the Dead Sea was just a little bit sick. I use my colostomy bag when I shop for lactose-free groceries before I crawl into my barrack beneath my bed for a nap."
Contrary to popular opinion the popular teen website "Bebo" is NOT an inflamed lymph gland in the groin.
Entertainment Personality Finally Admits To Having Speech Defect
After 46 years on TV, Baba Wawa has finally admitted, "Yeth, I do have a speeth impedimenth. I've been in thith closeth too long!" She had even tried the Greek pebbles-in-the-mouth trick, but found she liked eating pebbles! The rest is just annoying TV broadcasting!
Anybody Over 800 Pounds in U.S. to Get No Jail or Prison Time
By a 7-2 vote, the U.S Supreme Court has ruled that "humongous obesity is its own punishment, when the scale reads above 800 pounds." Justice Scalio, for the majority opinion, said that, "Nobody over 800 pounds ain't ever a good camper. So, don't bust their chops!"
A Check Up?
Police caught a guy trying to cash a phony check. At the station, the crook grabbed the check off the desk and swallowed it. No problem: the police waited five or six hours and then charged the guy with passing a bad check twice.
U.S. School Teachers Union Promoting Teacher-Student Sex!
Teachers are endorsing teacher-student sexual relations between female teachers and boy students. Said Sally Gimmy Hedd, "We did this, so the boys can keep off the girls and also to teach them how to satify a woman. State laws are wrong!"
A Cheshire man left more than 30,000 clocks in his will. It is feared that it may take executors years to wind up his estate.
The Iranians Say 'We Will Rock You ' Before Getting Stoned
Has Freddie Mercury come home or is he spinning in his Grave? Iran has Taken the 'We Will, We, Will..Rock you' Rap to anounce all up and coming stonings on 'Iranian Freedom TV' this summer season. Look out for it!