Spoof news snippets from Thursday 27 March 2008
Chelsea Clinton: "I Like Men"
In an effort to distance herself from her parents, Chelsea stated to reporters, "I am nothing like mom and dad. I like men!"
Japanese Finally Admit to Starting War with U.S. in 1941
Japan's Emperor Akihito admitted today that Japan did attack the U.S. in 1941. "Pilots meant no harm, just wanted to display flying, bomb dropping, and torpedoing skill. Americans not understand our 'game' and started firing at us, so our pilots most angered. Was all big misunderstanding! Banzai!"
Spitzer's Girl, Ashley Alexandra Dupre, To Become Nun
The call girl responsible for bringing down Eliot Spitzer, now, ex-Governor of New York State, will enter 'The Convent Of Once A Slut' to become a nun. Said Dupre, "I've had my fill of the commoner. It's now time for priests."
Chief Rabbi in Israel Eats Pork to Prove Point
Chief Rabbi Yussel Ashkenvig Berne recently ate pork spare ribs in a Chinese restaurant in Tel-Aviv. "Oy Vey! I just wanted to show that Israel is truly modern. Besides, I've been drooling over these suckers for years!" The Knesset has scheduled an emergency session, in anticipation of rioting.
Hillary Clinton Lays the Smackdown on Obama
In a recent debate between the two Presidential hopefulls Hillary was heard saying the shocking, "F@5K Y%U, I Obamaed yo Mama!"
Confusion at Anti-Bush Rally
People at a "Lesbians Against Bush" rally were confused by the name of the rally.
Spitzer Gives News Conference: "Almost Cured!"
Breaking News! Ex-New York State Governor, Eliot Spitzer, said he's been on a diet of sex with Ashley Dupre for 14 hours a day for 5 days. "I'm a new man, almost normal, but worn out, and, Silda's got one tough act to follow!" Porn star Ron Jeremiah has been paying for Spitzer's treatment.
On a music site on the net, I came across a reference to the 1988 record by Aztec Camera, "Worming in a coal-mine"! Couldn't see the forest for trees ?
Dog, The Bounty Hunter, to Protect Schools in New Venture
Dog, the famous bounty hunter, has lined up 4,500 "dog types" to patrol schools at all levels. Said the huge M-F,
"We need this business to stop those "Ns, Ms, and freaks from shooting up innocents. And, it's good bucks!"
Democratic National Committee (DNC) Approves Arm Wrestling
Obama vs Hillary, Hillary vs Obama. Are the Dems going down to defeat with daily name calling and bickering? So, the DNC plans to lighten its campaign with some arm wrestling. Plan to see one once a week between H and O before Convention time.