Spoof news snippets from Sunday 27 January 2008
Democrat Candidate Dennis Kucinich Drops Out...
...world dictators in emergency session to plot next move in effort to steal the United States. American public remain largely oblivious.
New Report Explains Rampant Teacher-Student Sex Epidemic
The finding indicates that the rise in "extra-curricular" activities is the result of teachers getting smarter and students getting dumber.
World Church Leaders Agree on 'Miracle' Sheep Circle
The circle created by 200 sheep in a British pasture was unanimously attributed to "Ovine Intervention."
Hillary Clinton SC Primary Loss to Obama Blamed on Heath Ledger
Bill Clinton told anyone who would listen yesterday that the devastating political defeat was all Heath Ledger´s fault. "If the clown hadn´t croaked, people would have been voting for Hil' instead of watching ET!"
Obama not Injured in Car Accident
Following Barack Obama's speech in Columbia,S.C. about "hope going forward, not pessimism looking back", he hit a car, while, backing out of a parking space. Obama's people denied there was any connection to it being a white car, with a Vote Hillary bumper sticker.
Sharapova gets it done, down under
Maria Sharapova won the Australian Open Woman's final 7-5,6-3. She attributed her win to "ball control over her new Prince down under." "I hope Clay will be just as helpful for the French Open."
Clouseau to Join SocGen
Societe Generale has hired recently retired Inspector Clouseau to head up their Risk Management Division following the losses incurred by rogue trader Jerome Kerviel. In accepting the post, he said, "This job requires more than one man, that is why they only hired me."
Sweden Celebrates Sunday
Sweden, which was recently labeled the most boring country in the world, partied the night away as Saturday transformed smoothly into Sunday. Word is, they are already getting pumped for three-peat on February 10.