Spoof news snippets from Sunday 13 January 2008
Fish "have social class-system like humans"
A report published today reveals that fish, just like humans, have social classes. Cod, Skate and Herring are what would be termed "upper class"; Tuna, Sole and Plaice are "middle class"; Sardines "are chavs, basically"
Mandarin now Earth's most widely mentioned word
"Mandarin" is now the mostly widely spoken word on the planet, replacing the word "English". Approximately 2 billion people, mostly in China, say the word "mandarin" everyday, often for no apparent reason. Previous popular words were "chicken", "dude" and "Britney".
Universe only 30,000 miles wide, new study suggests
The entire universe, according to NASA, is only 30,000 miles from side to side. The space, almost entirely occupied by earth is "really kinda smaller than we thought" said a spokesman. The moon landings were "just fooling about" and the galaxies are "just some CGI and ****."
God "too Christian"
A report published today suggests that, in a multi-faith society, God should "tone down" the strict Christian image he has cultivated and try to embrace more diverse religions.
Gordon Brown "sleeps with men for money"
A leaked memo suggests that Gordon Brown has slept in the vicinity of other men who are sleeping, and that the purpose of his sleeping is to ensure that he is fit and refreshed for the job he is paid for. Number 10 have refused to confirm or deny the story.
"A load of Cobblers"
So said Prince Philip regarding newspaper reports that the British couple who got married not knowing they were twins separated at birth, may be Charles and Camilla. "It's about as far fetched as me writing "derogatory" and "cruel" letters to Diana."