Spoof news snippets from Saturday 9 February 2008
Pizza Causes Hemorrhoids
Pizzas, especially those with mixed meats, are causing a World epidemic of severe hemorrhoids. With every third patient, a digital check of the rectum has resulted in extraction of a full slice of pepperoni. Pizza makers are referring to these reports as coming from 'asshole MDs'.
Guantanamo 'Holiday Inn Express' Revamps Image
(Guantanamo Bay Navy Base, Cuba) Staff at infamous 'Camp 7' put finishing touches on sign:"Welcome Platinum Club al-Qaeda Members". Defense lawyers turn down complimentary continental breakfast.
Sucking on Toy Actual Cause of Ledger Death
News sources close to the NYC Coroner's office claim the actual cause of Heath Ledger's death was from continued sucking on a child's toy made in China coated in lead-paint. It was first apparent when technicians kept dropping the body due to the heavy metal content.