Spoof news snippets from Tuesday 5 February 2008
New BBC Costume Drama Axed
The costume drama 'High Tea' has been axed by the BBC before being transmitted. The first episode due to be shown tomorrow was pulled when the leading actress accidentally exploded on camera. A spokesman said: "She was standing too close to a naked flame."
Putin goes Lennon
Ex-KGB agent and President of Russia, Vladimir Putin, is trying to "wake up" the citizens of his country. Yesterday, "Always Beatles Radio" went on the air. Putin wants to dump Lenin for Lennon. And, Putin's favorite Beatles' song? "Happiness Is a Warm Gun."
Cell phone users losing ability to speak
A recently-completed study by the Telephone Yack Institute (TYI) indicates that chronic cell-phone users are only able to speak when on their phones. If not, they cannot utter a word. Instead, they find supreme joy in playing with their phones, as they would with a child's toy.
Chinese scientist champions quality control
In a statement released yesterday in Beijing, Dr. Wu Han Wah, of Chemical China, revealed that all toxic coatings on toys sent to America will now meet the highest quality standards. Toxics in food products were not addressed.
Steroid users now include five-year olds
In an expose in "Spilling Our Guts," magazine, it has been reported that five-year olds are doing steroids to attain "King of the Sandbox" status. The King muscles the others to shell out three cents a day.
World beating a door to Gates
Because of the immense respect for the World's computer guru, Bill Gates, there is an ongoing mad rush to give all newborns the first name, Gates. Xianglu is becoming a distant second.
Prince Andrew Attacks Bush
"Now you know why I left him," said Sarah Ferguson, adding, "at least I only sucked toes."
Roy Orbison Estate Threatens Lawsuit against Clinton Campaign
Lawyers for the family of the late Roy Orbison have asked the hillaryclinton2008 to stop using the late singer's song Crying when she enters a forum to address a crowd. "We have given them permission to use The Great Pretender," said a spokesman.