Spoof news snippets from Thursday 21 February 2008
Chanel Makes Bold Move and Adds Designer Condoms
"Beautiful People" carry bacteria, viruses, and parasites too. So, Chanel now offers a line of quality latex, designer condoms. They retail at $9.95 each and will stop most STDs, but, more importantly, smell nice and are embossed with the Chanel logo.
America's Fanaticism With Germ Killing Having Opposite Effect
Furniture polishes, all-purpose cleaners and many other household products are now full of germicides. (Americans love killing, even on a microscopic level!) Overuse has caused germ resistance and now the chemical companies are scrambling for novel/safe germ killers.
Moon Man says Destruction of Satellite a Hoax!
Neil Armstrong, first man on the Moon, called The National Enquirer today. "I must unburden myself. Moon landings, Mars Rovers, shooting down satellites, and other U.S. space feats are hoaxes. I cannot keep this secret any longer! Look in New Mexico and Arizona, that's all I can say."
McCain Angry Over NY Times' Affair Implication
Standing his ground, Senator John McCain lashed back at the NY Times today for its "below-the-belt shot at his ethics eight years ago with a lobbyist." Said McCain, "I did not have sex with that woman! At most, I accidentally brushed against her left booby!"
Toyota to allow its name on all cars in 2009!
In deference for Toyota's killing the rest of the car industry, CEO Nakajima "Nak-Wasabi" Toyotamishi will allow any car manufacturer to "Toyota Emblem" their vehicles for one year only. Various VPs at Toyota are having "Nak" evaluated at Nippon Hospital For Wackoshimi.
British Tourist Authority - FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
The British Tourist Authority ask the Americans traveling abroad in England request the services of an active translator and interpreter after the Britney Spears language misinterpretation in the USA.
SAS Scrapping Selection
Due to lowered funds by the government the SAS are scrapping their infamous selection test. An SAS captain stated "anybody can join,whatever their gender,weight, eyesight e.t.c.". The captain has since been replaced by an 95 year old SAS veteran.