Spoof news snippets from Monday 11 February 2008
Strip-Club Pole Reerected In New Firehouse
(FP) G-String Bar in Queens, NY closes. But, its brass pole was soon reerected in a new firehouse. The 20-footer quickly became a "treasure." Said one veteran, "Somehow, that unique smell is stuck in the brass and I feel like taking out a 5-spot everytime I make that slide."
Powell and Schwarzkopf Urged To Run As Dark Horses for President and Vice President
President Bush recently had secret talks with Colin Powell and Norman Schwarzkopf. Bush is urging McCain et al to step aside and let the big military boys go for it. On his knees, the President implored, "Only you ass kickers can clean up the mess I created!" Apparently, they left, open-minded.
Hillary, A Gas In The Tub
"GENTLY" magazine reports in its March issue that Hillary Clinton loves to take bubble baths with a toy aircraft carrier. "The ship makes her feel Presidential." And, she loves farts "burping" through the foam. She supposedly always has refried beans as part of breakfast.
Trump Gives Chef The Boot!
"The Donald," outraged because of last night's meal prepared by his 15+ year Master Chef Louis, dumped him this morning. "You're Fired" could be heard by a deaf man! Louis had prepared Mulligan Stew, a Rosie O'Donnell favorite, which Trump refers to as "that wallowing fat piggy's slop."
Charles Manson Suing Marilyn
Claiming that his name has been stolen and used to sell music without any royalties, convicted cult murderer Charlie Manson has filed a $10 million lawsuit against alternative metal singer-musician Marilyn Manson. Said, Charlie, "See, the system can work!"
In an upcoming TV interview, Ms. Clinton reveals that she picked up a bad habit of spitting when around Bill with his mouth full of Arkansas "chaw." Last week, she unconsciously "phlegmed" a man on the New York City subway and was fined $150. She claims she now has the habit under control.