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White House Proctologist Gives Two Thumbs Up

The official White House proctologist has declared last week's test of President-elect Barack Obama is fine following his rear end being rammed into repeatedly by Hillary's nose.

written by Bureau, 26 December 2008
Rating:

Mirror Maker Tired Of Looking At Himself

Cliff Harris, a 53 year old factory worker at a mirror factory in London, Ontario , announces he is retiring because he's "tired of looking at himself in the mirror."

written by Alibanger Wanger, 26 December 2008
Rating:

The 2009 SUV Liposuction X-7

A Beverly Hills doctor has powered his SUV with fat he had liposuctioned from his patients. ABC News reports that he is in negotiations with Oprah Winfrey, Kirstie Alley, and Stevie Nicks.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 December 2008
Rating:

Regis & Condoleezza To Host A Reality Show

The Fox Network desperate for new reality shows will premier their latest entry on January 21. Regis Philbin will MC The Wall Street Bailout. His assistant will be Condoleezza Rice.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 December 2008
Rating:

The Bad, Bad, Bad Christmas Lights

A research study by scientists warns that Christmas lights harm the planet. A secondary study finds that Christmas ornaments, Christmas cookies, and Christmas email are all okay.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 December 2008
Rating:

Santa shots 8 people died

He said he warned people before about lighting a fire in the chimney on Christmas.

written by disciple, 26 December 2008
Rating:

Queen Liz roughs it for Xmas speech

The Queen is spending Xmas at a squat in Liverpool's dilapidated Kensington district as a gesture of goodwill and to display her ability to rough it with the rest of the recession-hit British public.

written by Rusty, 26 December 2008
Rating:

Scottish National Party spaced out?

The SNP is calling for a Moray airbase to become Scotland's spaceport to launch kilt-clad Jockonaut astro-tourists into orbit in their new haggis-powered Caledonian-McBrain Tartan Lines space bus.

written by Rusty, 26 December 2008
Rating:

UK consumer withdrawal symptoms

Emergency services are reporting mass cases of people wandering aimlessly in confused traumatised states going into analyptic shock after Tesco, Argos and Poundland shut down for the Xmas holiday.

written by Rusty, 26 December 2008
Rating:

Boots 2008 Innovations

Boots Pharmacy have announced the ideal 2009 New Year gift for the girl who has everything. A course of their innovative super-strength antibiotic: ClapGone!

written by Rusty, 26 December 2008
Rating:

UK Criminal Deportations Target Met

50,000 convicted foreign criminals were deported in 2008 Immigration Minister Nikolai Mobsaroubles told the BBC's Radio Scally Watch at Dover as 75,000 more arrived on the cross-Channel ferry.

written by Rusty, 26 December 2008
Rating:

Ertha Katt passes away.

Feline American singer, dancer and actress Eartha Kitt who played Catwoman in the 1960's Batman series has died at the age of 81, after telling the press she had adored every minute of her nine lives.

written by Rusty, 26 December 2008
Rating:

Chinese navy pirated

Two Chinese naval destroyers and an aircraft carrier that recently arrived off Somalia to protect Chinese vessels passing through the Gulf of Aden were last night reportedly hijacked by pirates.

written by Rusty, 26 December 2008
Rating:

Middle East 'Fun' places to visit

Israel has topped the Middle East's poll for 'Fun' places to visit. Radio Beruit announced the poll results yesterday, declaring Israel to be 'as much fun as chemotherapy'.

written by Rusty, 26 December 2008
Rating:

Eartha Kitt dies: so to does ryming slang

Popular singer Eartha Kitt has passed away at age 81. Unfortunately that old expression "going for a Eartha Kitt" will probably die as well. Now we'll just have to use "royal blue tit" instead.

written by whatinthe world, 26 December 2008
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David Tennant in New Play

David Tennant is to play the 'Hunchback of Notre Dame' during his injury time off from playing Hamlet. Doctors said it should speed up the recovery time in his spine.

written by IN SEINE, 26 December 2008
Rating:

Led Zeppelin Reunion Tour? Nope

Robert Plant, Led Zeppelin lead singer again has shot down plans for a reunion. Plant said, "I've decided to go in a different direction." TRANSLATION: "I cannot hit those damn high notes anymore!"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 December 2008
Rating:

The Adventures of Jay Leno's Chin

Well it's official. An unnamed, high-ranking NBC source has revealed that doctors report that Jay Leno's chin now weighs more than his ass.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 December 2008
Rating:

The Legalizing of Steroids

In a surprise turn of events, all professional sports will allow steroid use starting in 2010. They will however ban the use of Niacin, Potassium, Bubble Gum, and Okra.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 December 2008
Rating:

Jungle Blogging!

Vietnam has decided to ban blogging. An official with the Vietnamese government said that it scares the hell out of the jungle animals.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 December 2008
Rating:

Saturday Morning NASCAR

NASCAR in an effort to attract a younger television audience will be changing its name to Sponge Bob NASCAR Pants.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 December 2008
Rating:

Kosovo Honors Bush With A Street

Kosovo has named a street after President George Bush. Bush Street was chosen from a list that also included Bush-related names, WMD Drive, Dictator Bush Boulevard, and Tons of Lies Lane.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 December 2008
Rating:

Boston Celtics Winning Steak Ends At 19

The Boston Celtics' 19-game winning streak ended with a 92-83 loss to The Los Angeles Lakers. When asked to comment Celtic's player Ray 'Crybaby' Allen remarked, "The L.A. crowd was way too noisy."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 December 2008
Rating:

Obama to Give Every One A Paid Four Year Vacation Solving All Problems

He is sending everyone a stimulus check for $400,000.00. This is expected to last four years. Not just Americans are getting this check, but all humans on the planet. Paulson is ecstatic.

written by Aspartame Boy, 26 December 2008
Rating:

Strange Lime Flavored PoP Corn Discovered

Absent minded shoppers are bringing lime flavored pop corn home from the store. When it pops it smells disgusting. Flavored with aspartame, the pop corn is causing family break-ups around the globe.

written by Aspartame Boy, 26 December 2008
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