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Rating:

Santa's Elf Arrested on Racketeering Charges....

...for taking bribes to remove kids from the naughty list.

written by Kilroy, 23 December 2008
Rating:

Dubai 'Sex on Beach Man' Refused Flight Home

Vince Acors, the man convicted of having sex on a Dubai beach was re-arrested as he was boarding a flight to the UK. The pilot said; "We don't want to risk him joining the 'Mile High Club' too".

written by IN SEINE, 23 December 2008
Rating:

From Russia with Love

'Air One Babushka Scam' anagrams to 'Barack Hussein Obama'.

written by Aspartame Boy, 23 December 2008
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Schwarzenegger's Orders

Yesterday California Gov. Schwarzenegger ordered state employees to take two unpaid days off work a month to help state's economy. Or, a pastrami on rye, no one knows for sure.

written by Bureau, 23 December 2008
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Bush Pardons Lions

President Bush, after pardoning nineteen prisoners this morning, this afternoon pardoned the Detroit Lions for pretending they were an NFL football team.

written by Bureau, 23 December 2008
Rating:

Joe the Plumber's Book (Complete With Sketches)

Joe the Plumber's book is now in the bookstores. Nationwide sales are somewhat brisk. A total of 17 books have been sold so far. Two were bought by John McCain and 15 were bought by plumbers.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 December 2008
Rating:

Frosty The Snowman Is Now Nothing But H2O

7,000 snow globes are being recalled because they pose a possible fire threat. It seems that combustible kitchen matches were used in place of carrots for the snowmen's nose.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 December 2008
Rating:

Tina Fey Has Sarah Palin's Thighs

The Associated Press has named Tina Fey as the 'Entertainer of The Year." Second place went to Sarah Palin and third place went to Joe the Plumber. Lame duck Emperor George came in at 9,437th place.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 December 2008
Rating:

A Beautiful Marble Floor

An 18-wheeler loaded with marbles flipped over on the Golden Gate Bridge...witnesses said the driver lost ALL of his marbles.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 December 2008
Rating:

Obama Denies Role in College Era Porn Flick!

The cult classic, "Cinnamon Stick" has been an old favorite in South side Chicago porn theaters. Obama denied the charge saying, "look at the Dude's ears...my ears ain't that big even with Viagra!"

written by Morse, 23 December 2008
Rating:

QM2 Outruns Cuban Pirates During Recent Cruise: 100 Passengers Crushed!

The stately liner outran Cuban pirates whilst passing within 25 miles of the island Dec. 10, however over 100 passengers were crushed by overweight clients in motorized wheel chairs rushing to buffet!

written by Morse, 23 December 2008
Rating:

Pelosi Backs $1m Stimulus for Las Vegas Highway Package!

Homeland Security spokesman cites grid lock on local access roads/says losers,homeowners and developers can't "get out fast enough"

written by Morse, 23 December 2008
Rating:

Where are they?

In 2007, a number of police forces - 49 in all, reported that 322 sex offenders were missing. Although not one was reported as 'Missing in Action', because much of the data has been lost on discs .

written by IN SEINE, 23 December 2008
Rating:

Toyota CEO Apologizes

The President of Toyota Inc announced yesterday that the company had lost money in 2008 for the first time in seventy years. Then his face fell off.

written by Bureau, 23 December 2008
Rating:

The Bill Clinton Dance

A very drunken ex-President Bill Clinton was escorded from a nyc dancefloor when he suddenly announced "Here, let me show how to do The Lewinsky"!

written by Bureau, 23 December 2008
Rating:

Monk Given Special Honor

A monk at the Abbey of Gethsamane in Kentucky has been given a special place in the Guinness Book of Records after building his hermitage on the property entirely out of old fruitcakes.

written by Bureau, 23 December 2008
Rating:

Madoff Applauded

Bernard Madoff who has been charged with robbing wealthy investors out of 50 billion dollars was discovered sneaking through the Chelsea market and given a standing ovation.

written by Bureau, 23 December 2008
Rating:

Spoof's Obama Birth Certificate Competition

Don't need a spoof news story : a snippet will do. He doesn't exist. He's a figment of the US voting population's imaginations and mindsets. An illusion. A very bad rascist / sectarian joke

written by Rusty, 23 December 2008
Rating:

New Catholic Seminarians face Sex Drive tests.

New Catholic priests are to face 'sex drive' tests to ensure they are naturally celibate. They will be monitored by a polygraph and shown provocative pictures of nuns and choirboys to judge responses

written by Rusty, 23 December 2008
Rating:

Church Bible quote damns Gays.

Quoting Leviticus 18:22 "You shall not lie with a man as with a woman, that is an abomination," the Christian church have pronounced all gays are going to see Satan in Hell.

written by Rusty, 23 December 2008
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Pope Kicks off at Gender Blurring

Pope Benny the 16th today renewed his attacks on gender blurring, stating he doesn't know what to buy the Vatican's transvestite milkman for Xmas anymore : socks or pantyhose.

written by Rusty, 23 December 2008
Rating:

Bankruptcy Receivers are Quids in.

While the rest of the world's commerce goes into financial meltdown, the global recession is proving a top earner for us, an Earnst and Young bankruptcy and liquidation administrator told the press.

written by Rusty, 23 December 2008
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Trouble Brewing for Wittard

The Wittard of Chelsea tea and coffee makers might go into administration after Icelandic owners Baugur skimmed off the corporate cream and never enticed potential investors with sweeteners.

written by Rusty, 23 December 2008
Rating:

UK Overweight in New Year

A UK poll by diet watchdog FatRats says judging by the Xmas binge buying of grocery goods, the UK population will all be grossly overweight by the New Year: including bulimia and anorexia sufferers.

written by Rusty, 23 December 2008
Rating:

Guinea Government Dissolved

Africa: Guinea's army chief General O'Dinga says the constitution and the government have been dissolved after getting caught in a rainstorm during the recent military coup.

written by Rusty, 23 December 2008
Rating:

FEMA Releases New Poll

A brand new poll just released by FEMA says that Barack Obama will give Hillary Clinton a pretty good race in the Democrat Primaries. Don't count him out yet.

written by Bureau, 23 December 2008
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Human/Animal Hybrid

A new human/animal hybrid embryo result will soon be on display at his lab early next year according to Dr. Moreau.

written by Bureau, 23 December 2008
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Window Washer Falls

A New York City window washer who had half fallen from his tilted scaffold during rescue still in some pane.

written by Bureau, 23 December 2008
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Loud Complaints

A Kansas City man found guilty of raping five men and sent to prison bringing loud complaints from new cellmate.

written by Bureau, 23 December 2008
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Great Iron Horse

Reports out of Washington say, Barack Obama intends to travel to his inaugeration by train. The someone explained to McCain, "Great Iron Horse!"

written by Bureau, 23 December 2008
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Cast Your Shoe To The Wind

Rumor is that President Bush, after handing over the Presidency to Barack Obama in January, he planned to throw both his shoes at him. However, friends have asked him to only throw in a towel.

written by Bureau, 23 December 2008
Rating:

Turner: Madoff A Disgrace

In an interview with Ted Turner, he was asked about Bernard Madoff swindling clients out of millions of dollars. Turner said Madoff was a disgrace. "I've learned a lot from that guy."

written by Bureau, 23 December 2008
Rating:

Started With 19th Nervous Breakdown

And for those who are keeping score, Vice President Cheney had his 14th heart attack over the weekend while Keith Richards suffered his 24th "Nervous Breakdown".

written by Bureau, 23 December 2008
Rating:

Palin Dodges Snowshoes

After a speech on the Alaskan economy, Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin had to dodge four Eskimo snow shoes and a oil can.

written by Bureau, 23 December 2008
Rating:

Immelda Marcos hit by shoe

When an Iraqi threw a she at ex-Phillipine president's wife, Immelda Marcos, in a Baghdad shopping mall today, she caught it, smiled and said; "Thank's, this is a great addition to my collection!"

written by IN SEINE, 23 December 2008
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