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Rating:

Bush's legacy

George W. Bush to introduce a new "shoe ducking" contest for future Presidential Candidates. He believes after his legacy as the Commander in Chief future Presidents will meed this skill.

written by disciple, 19 December 2008
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Sneezing: a sign of sexual arousal

A simple sneeze may be a tell-tale sign of sexual arousal for a select few, research suggests. For the rest of us it could be a sign that we have inhaled pepper.

written by IN SEINE, 19 December 2008
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New scent?

American fast food chain Burger King is marketing a men's fragrance with the scent of meat. Meanwhile, top sea-food chef, Rick Stein is marketing a new women's fragrance with the scent of fish.

written by IN SEINE, 19 December 2008
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A sign of what's to come?

A man who lent a penniless Australian tourist £5 in 1969 has been repaid his debt 40 years later. Similarly, the UK taxpayer's children will pay back the government for the money borrowed in 2008.

written by IN SEINE, 19 December 2008
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New Pimp Study

A study released yesterday reveals that pimps are leaving most college towns in what's being referred to as "The Milk For Free" movement.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2008
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Gibberish Actually Auctioner

An attorney for arrested Ill. Gov. Rod Blagojevich says he will challenge wire taps that sound like "gibberish". In response, the FBI says the "gibberish" is Blago auctioning off the Senate seat.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2008
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The Bush Bailouts

Citing dangers to the nation's economy, the Bush administration approved an emergency bailout of the U.S. auto industry and another for Big Oil, saying "we gotta run those cars on something."

written by Bureau, 19 December 2008
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Mad Dog Dead

Mike "Mad Dog" Bell, a former professional wrestler, has died at the age of 37. Bell had recently suffered from a bad round
of heartworms and distemper.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2008
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Madoff's Assets, Ass Protected

A Federal judge has extended an order that protects accused swindler Bernard Madoff's assets, ass in a ruling Thursday evening.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2008
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WalMart Also Suffering

WalMart announced yesterday that they are suffering from the bad economy also. In the past month, not only are sales only up by ten percent, but only 50 new stores were opened.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2008
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Alpines Reaching Peak

In Geneva, Switzerland it was reported that the Alpine resorts there are become extremely nervous as the worldwide recession may be reaching it's peak.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2008
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Complete Face Transplant

A woman in Cleveland, Ohio received a total face transplant this week. The doner was a Japanese businessman who lost face when he failed to uphold his end of a business deal.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2008
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President : Install Fart-Catchers

The Bush administration imposed a new ban on gases, Friday. Among the changes, farmers must encourage cows to fart indoors while being milked where a machine will catch the hot air near barn ceiling.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2008
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Female/Castrated Male Reindeer?

Wildlife experts say Santa's reindeer are either female, because they seldom got lost, or castrated males, who don't give a rat's ass where they go.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2008
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Airlines to Offer Extra Leg Room

"This is the best news, since, leaving Sir Paul", said Heather Mills.

written by JAB, 19 December 2008
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Amy Winehouse chosen Sultriest, Kinkiest and Naughtiest Kind of 2008

Other SKANK recipients have included Sarah Bernhardt, Monica Lewinsky, Camilla Parker-Bowles, Miss Turkmenistan '05 and George Michael.

written by JAB, 19 December 2008
Rating:

Deep Throat Deep-Sixed

Mark Felt, known as "Deep Throat" has passed away at 95, after becoming choked on a Whopper he'd apparently brought home early in the evening.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2008
Rating:

Bernard Madoff to Write Book

Publisher Readum & Weep has confirmed Mr.Madoff will write a book called, "Dante's Inferno Redux." Terms were not disclosed but it's believed he'll be paid from the second set of books.

written by JAB, 19 December 2008
Rating:

Spoof writer irritated by Anton Du Beke and C.J De Mooi

A spoof writer has been reportedly taken to hospital, suffering from 'acute irritation', after seeing both Anton Du Beke & C.J De Mooi on 'Celebrity Eggheads'. "Pecker-heads with pious names", said me.

written by Phil Edgar's Bones, 19 December 2008
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"Deep Throat" dead at 95

"I didn't realize Linda Lovelace was that old." ~Paris Hilton

written by JAB, 19 December 2008
Rating:

Santa Clause Recruits Paris Hilton, Jordon and Madonna

Apparently, these three dim-witted, egotistical, wenches, turned up at Santa's North Pole home, when he uttered the jolly phrase "Ho, Ho, Ho".

written by Phil Edgar's Bones, 19 December 2008
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Postmen cancel strike

UK postal workers were forced to call off a one-day strike after their Union ballot results failed to get delivered to Post Office management within the time limit.

written by Rusty, 19 December 2008
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Tricky Dick's Nemesis Dies

Watergate Deep Throat super-grass, ex-FBI snitch Max Felt, was pronounced DOA yesterday at a California hospital after choking on something nasty.

written by Rusty, 19 December 2008
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Heather Mills Receives Hip - Hop Nomination

"I am so pleased to be considered for this...hey!... wait a minute, are you taking the piss?"

written by JAB, 19 December 2008
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New Hamas rockets strike Israel

New rocket fire by Hamas' Gaza Gangsters was reported today striking Israeli teritory. All the new rockets were severely damaged when they crashed into buildings and exploded

written by Rusty, 19 December 2008
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California Children threatened by Prop 8

Children between the ages of 1 to 10 are in danger of receiving nothing if Donder and Prancer go through with their boycott, of flying December 25th, unless Prop 8 is repealed.

written by JAB, 19 December 2008
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Rawanda genocide chief jailed

Rawandan genocide culprit Theo Bagoshit was convicted of instigating the 1994 Tutsi genocide which killed billions and sentenced to 200 hours of community service in a 419 call centre.

written by Rusty, 19 December 2008
Rating:

Tony B-liar evicted

Ex- PM Tony Bliar was today evicted from his London home due mortgage arrears. His projected high earnings from bringing peace to the Middle East have failed to materialise, as per the promised peace.

written by Rusty, 19 December 2008
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UK interest rates drop

The Bank of England has dropped interest rates to minus 1.25%, thus paying borrowers to take out loans by giving them interest on their debt in a last ditch effort to kick-start a dead horse economy.

written by Rusty, 19 December 2008
Rating:

Alien Lands, Steps out of UFO, Makes Pronouncement

I come not to warn you that aspartame is bad, but to make sure that such a warning is met with laughter. So I say, aspartame is bad. Tell them a little green man told you.

written by Aspartame Boy, 19 December 2008
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Dealing with the Devil

Lucifer has negotiated a contract with Father Christmas to deliver presents on Christmas Eve, it is to be known as the Satan Clause.

written by IainB, 19 December 2008
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Nanny State Scissor Legislation

New legislation in the UK has made it illegal for anybody who jogs to buy scissors. "They might run with them," said a home office spokesperson, "and that's dangerous."

written by IainB, 19 December 2008
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Fleetwood Mac OK

While Freddie Mac went bankrupt and had to be bailed out earlier this year, Fleetwood Mac will says it will "go it's own way".

written by Bureau, 19 December 2008
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Song Drives You Crazy

Survey reveals that "Row, row, row your boat" hardest tune to get out of your boat, gently down the stream.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2008
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Reagan, Carter Pull Bank Job

In downtown Laredo, Texas yesterday two bank robbers described as looking like rough-faced Ronald Reagan, Jimmy Carter were caught after standing too close to fire while counting up/splitting money.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2008
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Big Dime Giver

Man keeps rolled cubes of dimes in glove compartment of car for when he's stopped for charities at traffic lights, Salvation Army ringers at Christmas.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2008
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MLK March Faked

Police dog attack scar received during Martin Luther King Jr. march in 1960's actually from passing out in yard and breaking whiskey bottle in pocket.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2008
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Shows Potential, Penis

Unzipped rookie table busser at restaurant shows a lot of potential, penis on first day at work.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2008
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Bloomberg All Air

Mayor Bloomberg of New York City proposes placing windmills on NYC skyscrapers, bridges and inside the United Nation's Building.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2008
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Veggie Burger A Blast

McDonalds new vegan's special Veggie Black Bean Burgers advertised as a "Blast from the passed!

written by Bureau, 19 December 2008
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Coach & Kids Need Help

Cleveland, Ohio high school coach honored for getting area kids off alcohol, drugs and violence and onto football and steroids.

written by Bureau, 19 December 2008
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