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Rating:

Another Myth debunked

The myth that "You lose most body heat through the head" has been rubbished by US researchers. However, British researchers ask; "How would they know? - They all wear baseball caps."

written by IN SEINE, 18 December 2008
Rating:

US Reasearchers debunk Myth

The myth "You will put on weight if eating late at night" has been rubbished by US researchers. So many Americans eat late at night and they're not fat. "They're just big-boned", scientists claim.

written by IN SEINE, 18 December 2008
Rating:

Iraqi shoe thrower will start for the yankess next season

The Yankees liked what they saw and offered him a contract, he first had to turn down an offer from Al Qaeda to be a suicide bomber

written by disciple, 18 December 2008
Rating:

Credit Crunch affects Christmas meal

A man from Ely claims that the Credit Crunch is really biting. His wife is going to cut his shoulder length hair on Christmas morning, then she is going to cook Christmas lunch with all the trimmings.

written by IN SEINE, 18 December 2008
Rating:

Deaf Reporter Shoes Bush

The Iraqi reporter that threw his shoes at George W Bush has been exposed as an Al Qaeda assassin. He was ordered to shoot Bush but misheard the word due to tinnitus sustained during allied bombing.

written by Fuctifino, 18 December 2008
Rating:

Chrysler Coffee

Chrysler will shut down production for 30 days due to the credit crisis and dwindling sales. A Chrysler official stated, "The savings on coffee alone will amount to $18 million."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 December 2008
Rating:

Footwear Security Measures.

Effective today, attendees at US govt. press conferences must wear padded Ugg boots with a 1 metre security chain securing them together. "Any colour is fine, said Dick Brain for Homeland security".

written by jeremy griffiths, 18 December 2008
Rating:

"Tables Turned" A Brighter Tomorrow!

A breathless O.P.Timistic, spokesperson for A.Darling announced today that "The Tables have been turned in the Treasury, the faded bits are now hidden, tomorrow is sunny, all our troubles are over!"

written by jeremy griffiths, 18 December 2008
Rating:

Tater Tits

"Tater tits" removed from menus in restaurant section usually served by employee who was fired right after breakfast service this morning.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2008
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Pooper Leaves Early

Local party pooper greatly embarrassed after arriving at the office party without his adult diapers.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2008
Rating:

Leonard Cohen: Hallelujah Is 'A Load Of Drivel'

"I was p***ed when I wrote it" Cohen said. "We were thinking of words that rhyme like chair and hair and each time we did we shouted 'Hallelujah!' I don't really know what all the fuss is about."

written by P Z, 18 December 2008
Rating:

Jimmy Buffet Wasting Away

Jimmy Buffet arrested again in Margaritaville, this time for wasting away behind a mall in Miami earlier in the week.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2008
Rating:

Previous-Life Hangover

A Buddhist gent, walking all bent over and using two canes, claims that he was raped by a huge bull in his previous life.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2008
Rating:

Postal Employee Completely Flips

In Miami, Florida today, a fired, completely flipped-out postal employee, suddenly returned to the post office with hot coffee and doughnuts for everyone!

written by Bureau, 18 December 2008
Rating:

Another Bad Sign

Another bad sign for the economy, Starbucks has announced the closing of over 200 stores and laying off nearly 1500 people in Butte, Montana.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2008
Rating:

Hurled A Budweiser

Unnoticed since it wasn't filmed, not only did a guy throw his shoes at the President, but apparently while he was speaking to the troops, someone on the front seat hurled up a Budweiser on his feet.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2008
Rating:

1,000th Nut Job

America's Best Home Videos announced today that this weekends clip from Omaha, Nebraska will be their 1,000th showing of some guy getting hit in the nuts.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2008
Rating:

Bush Having Shoe Fits

President Bush, apparently still preoccupied by the shoe-throwing incident, confided today that "If they've got no better aim with a shoe, how are they ever going to defend themselves?

written by Bureau, 18 December 2008
Rating:

Las Vegas Motto

"Whatever happens here, stays here" motto of Las Vegas comes back to bite them in the ass as suprise snowfall refuses to melt.

written by Bureau, 18 December 2008
Rating:

Command?

I prefer to think of them as the Ten Suggestions.

written by J.Clarkson4PM, 18 December 2008
Rating:

Bernie Madoff Bailed

Disgraced hedge fund manager Bernard Madoff, accused of a $50 billion fraud, was today released on $10 million bail which he paid to the NY court from his petty cash box.

written by Rusty, 18 December 2008
Rating:

Should UK troops leave Iraq?

This is the dilemma facing Gordon Brown. Half of Brits say yes and half are simply too thick to know. Whereas all Iraqis say YES, and the sooner the better, and please take the Yanks with you.

written by Rusty, 18 December 2008
Rating:

Deng Xiaoping surprise

Chinese leader Deng Xiaoping, who hadn't said much during Politburo sessions since the late 1990's, was today discovered to actually be dead.

written by Rusty, 18 December 2008
Rating:

Burglars get Barrister Info' Bonus.

Thieves who stole computer hard drives with barristers and prosecution witness details from the Bar Council's offices have reaped a Christmas crime bonanza by auctioning the info' package on E-Bay.

written by Rusty, 18 December 2008
Rating:

Parking Fine paid on bog paper

A man who wrote out a cheque on crap wrap to pay his parking fine was told by magistrates they were not amused and ordered to stand in the corner until the court recessed.

written by Rusty, 18 December 2008
Rating:

AsboMan gets one Himself

Nottingham's chief anti-social behaviour officer Richard Antbrain has been arrested, charged and bailed after being involved in an incident of "violent disorder".

written by Rusty, 18 December 2008
Rating:

Matricide over fish digits

A 14-year old Smegmadale schoolboy beat his mother to death with a frying pan last night after she served him fish fingers. He told police "That's all she's fed me for effin' tea since I woz six."

written by Rusty, 18 December 2008
Rating:

Pope After Eating a Pound of Mint Flavored Aspartame

He poop. The pope, he poop! OMG, he poop! Must be the end of the world! OMG! Call the bishits!

written by Aspartame Boy, 18 December 2008
Rating:

Gays demand Rick Warren be "Prop8-ed" from inauguration lineup

Warren responds: Where's the tolerance?

written by Picwit Picayune, 18 December 2008
Rating:

Jeff Buckley Fans Appeal To Leonard Cohen To Have Alexandra's Version Of Hallelujah Removed

Fans worldwide have been petitioning Jewish-Canadian songwriter Cohen, 74, to have Burke's version of the song retracted so that Buckley's can top the charts. "P*** off, I wrote it!" Cohen said.

written by P Z, 18 December 2008
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