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Ozzy Osbourne's Black Sabbath

Ozzy Osbourne is reuniting his band Black Sabbath. Ozzy said, "Buuud tooaa weewe ahh ummm faa." which when translated means the band's new politically correct name will be 'African-American Sabbath.'

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 December 2008
Rating:

Governor Sarah Who?

Governor Sarah Palin is begging Georgia voters to vote for Senator Saxby Chambliss. She reportedly said, "Vote for Chamby or else I'll come back down to the 'lower 48' and stir things up again."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 December 2008
Rating:

Condi Rice Ain't Gonna Tell Hillary Much

Condoleezza Rice says that she will not give her successor (Hillary Clinton) too much advice. President-elect Obama, said, "Well, thank goodness for that."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 December 2008
Rating:

Obama has confidence in Hillary

Obama,"She is a good liar and has a history of corruption", just what the America Government needs now.

written by disciple, 01 December 2008
Rating:

Hello Shoppers, Shoppers, Shoppers

Three major U.S. stores are planning to merge. The three are Wal-Mart, K-Mart, and Stein-Mart. The new store name will be Mart-Mart-Mart.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 December 2008
Rating:

Miss Galore Premieres At Super Bowl

After cancelling all their Tiger Woods commercials, General Motors will introduce their new advertising star, Miss Thongy Galore, during the Super Bowl.

written by Bureau, 01 December 2008
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Violence Breeds Violence

Latest study reveals that watching violence in movies or television leads to real violence. Blames World War II on Johnny Weismuller, Daffy Duck and Bugs Bunny for Nam.

written by Bureau, 01 December 2008
Rating:

Moral Standards?

A theater in Salt Lake City has cancelled a showing of "Brokeback Mountain," after one of the Utah residents claimed that the gay cowboy movie was so offensive, it upset all twenty of his wives.

written by IN SEINE, 01 December 2008
Rating:

Laura's Husband's 'WMD' Myth

First Lady Laura Bush said she's really gonna miss the people. She then added, "But the one thing I won't miss is all of the jokes about the weapons of mass destruction...which didn't really exist."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 December 2008
Rating:

LeAnn Rimes Cover Version of Sukiyaki

The National Enquirer has revealed that country music singer LeAnn Rimes is really Chinese. They first suspected it when they learned that her new tour bus is named, 'The Chopstick Express.'

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 December 2008
Rating:

U.S.A. Radical Extremists

In India over the weekend over 200 people were killed by Islamic terrorists, while here in the United States one death and several injuries reported from a radical group calling itself, Black Friday.

written by Bureau, 01 December 2008
Rating:

The Smoking Section is Closed

The decendants of Joan of Arc are suing the tobacco industry on grounds of second hand smoke.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 December 2008
Rating:

Richard Simmons, 1,2,3,1,2,3

George Hamilton will play Richard Simmons in "The Silly Richard Simmons Story." Hamilton said, "It'll be challenging. I'll have to gain 80 pounds, wear short shorts, and learn how to act effeminate."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 December 2008
Rating:

One of Australia's Top Bands

The 80's reggae-influenced band 'Men At Work,' from Australia are getting together and will be touring throughout America with their new name, 'Unemployed Men Not At Work.'

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 December 2008
Rating:

Billy Crystal's "Analyze" Trilogy

Billy Crystal will soon begin filming the third of his 'Analyze' movie trilogy. The first was 'Analyze This' and the second was 'Analyze That.' The third is 'Analyze Tits.'

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 December 2008
Rating:

Sounds Like a Typical Country Music Song

A survey shows that a large portion of U.S. students lie, cheat, and steal. And some people wonder where tomorrow's used car salesman, politicians, and Fox News' hosts are coming from.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 December 2008
Rating:

Osama's Driver Hit Hard

The trial of Salim Hamdan, Osama bin Laden's driver, has taken a turn for the worse!

written by Bureau, 01 December 2008
Rating:

Mass Nerd Suicide

A new study released yesterday concerning the very active and varied sex life of many octogenerians has led to over 250 nerd suicides overnight.

written by Bureau, 01 December 2008
Rating:

Passed Gas Clears Classroom

A twelve-year-old Florida student was arrested after he
"deliberately passed gas to disrupt the class". The judge sentenced him to six hours of public service cleaning up puke from classroom floor.

written by Bureau, 01 December 2008
Rating:

Missile Chase

According to Al-Jazeera TV, yesterday a suspected U.S. missile went around three other terrorists and chased al-Qaeda #7 around a big rock and into a cave where they both exploded.

written by Bureau, 01 December 2008
Rating:

Actors Strike

The Hollywood Actors Guild may go on strike unless their latest demands are met. After hearing the news, most people reacted with, "You mean they HAVEN'T been on strike this year?"

written by Bureau, 01 December 2008
Rating:

Bush On Free Trade

In Lima, Peru last week, President Bush said that the pursuit of free trade is existential and that countries should avoid perfectionism.

written by Bureau, 01 December 2008
Rating:

Naval Exercises To Begin

Russia, Venezuela to start naval exercises together this week by combining nuclear subs, aircraft carriers, canoes, rafts and john boats.

written by Bureau, 01 December 2008
Rating:

Supremes Make Historical Vote

The United States Supreme Court has ruled 8-1 on the proper setting of the court thermostat. The one dissenting vote was that of a shivering Judge Ruth Bader Ginsberg

written by Bureau, 01 December 2008
Rating:

Christmas Crickets

The White House Christmas tree has arrived. But this year the tree is a little different. Due to the many environmentalist's rules, this tree arrived with squirrels, woodpeckers, crickets, and owls.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 December 2008
Rating:

Diaper Companies Sue FDA Over Melamine in Baby Formula

All those little clogged kidneys are soiling less diapers.

"We were just tying to please the food companies; forgot about the diaper companies", whined Dr. Strangedeath, FDA hotdog.

written by Aspartame Boy, 01 December 2008
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