Spoof news snippets from Wednesday 20 August 2008
The National Association of Non-Skim Readers has launched an official campaign designed to drive home the message that it is unacceptable to expect slow readers to reach the conclusion of a snippet if
God and Devil equal in Olympic medals table
The IOC announced today that the "Axis of Evil", sponsored by Satan, and the "Axis of the-not-all-that-bad", backed by God, are equal on points. All of God's hope rests on the 'Good samaritan event'.
Scientists say using moisturizers may cause cancer
The Wicked Witch of the West agrees and says, "Hey, being a winkled old crone works for me!"
Wax Museum Runs out of Wax
Creating Brangelina's growing family has strained resources.
Fort Knox announces Closing down sale
Faced with rising competition from oil, and demand from China to fulfill their Gold medal tally, Fort Knox have said they will sell off the last of the gold stock to help the US. Gold now $6 an ounce.
Gary Glitter plans comeback
Shamed rock star Gary Glitter said today he plans to come back from abroad, even if he's forced to.
Mutant Dog: "Very Pleased"
A dog born with two dicks today claimed he was happy.
MacDonalds join forces with Viagra manufacturers
Pfizer and McDonalds have joined forces to offer the "Super-size Me!" viagra which will hopefully "beef-up" both companies. A Double "McViagra" can add inches, and lasts for almost 5 minutes.
Woman fined $50,000 for file sharing
An un-named female Pentagon employee has been fined for sharing files with Russian and Chinese intelligence agencies.
Heath Ledger 'Getting better'
Heath Ledger's family say his health is improving and his death may have been "a publicity misunderstanding".
Pope excommunicates Vatican City Olympic team
Il Papa has damned the Vatican team for failing to win a medal. Despite being the world's smallest country, the Pope hoped they'd do well. "Pool events should have been a walkover for us", he claimed.
DIY enthusiast sentenced
Man sentenced to 120 hrs community work for animal cruelty. Ron Doings claimed a friend told him to treat a wet wall by using some damp seal. "It took ages to catch the damn thing too" he said.
Logo still pants
A new phenomenon has been identified as more people than ever turn to 'cringe drinking' in order to make the London 2012 logo please, please go away.