Spoof news snippets from Monday 7 April 2008
Letters 'form words'
Scientists working at Harvard University have, for the first time, identified the building blocks of words. 'Letters', as the scientists have termed them, link together to form patterns. Some of these letters are only 2mm high and can only be seen by nearly everyone.
Teeth 'prefer gums'
A new survey revealed today that, given a choice, teeth would prefer to reside in gums rather than anywhere else in the human body. Of the 13,000 teeth questioned, over 70% indicated gums, 26% wanted anywhere in the head region, while a small proportion suggested the genital area.
Putting clocks forward 'throws world off axis'
Data suggests that the collective act of moving clocks forward one hour last weekend may have moved the earth away from its axis. Or it may not.
Rastas develop new i and iPhone
A new phone that allows the caller to speak directly to Jah Rastafari has been launched today. The i and iPhone has a camera, internet access and ting.
Charlton Heston New Town shuts for good
The Buckinghamshire new town of Charlton Heston was officially abandoned yesterday and will be destroyed next week. The town, famous in the 60s and 70s, was a bold experiment in method planning but had little impact in the last decade.
Olympic Torch grab: McCanns questioned
The Olympic Torch was almost abducted yesterday while being cradled in the arms of former Blue Peter star Konnie Huq. The McCanns were briefly questioned but released without libel charges.
Shannon mother arrested on suspicion of being working class
The mother of Shannon Matthews has been arrested for being working class, police revealed today. It is alleged that she not only had cable TV by more than one provider but that she had 'perverted the course of language'.