Spoof news snippets from Friday 25 April 2008
Bush Delusional Over Palestinian State
After his meeting with Palestinian Authority President Abbas, declaring a Palestinian state will emerge before he leaves office, a refill was ordered for Bush's favorite psychotropic drug. A freebee was quickly provided by the Israeli Embassy with LMAO on the container!
McCain Endorses American Cosmetic Surgery Association
John McCain has taped a campaign ad for TV endorsing ACSA, the American Cosmetic Surgery Association. In it, he says, "Look at what the knife has done for me...I'm 71! Cindy is 18 years my junior and, now, she looks 71! Vote Republican in November!"
Wesley Snipes Jailed For Tax Evasion
The actor is slammer-bound for not filing tax returns for, at least, the past 3 years. Claiming, in part, he is a 'stateless person,' the U.S. IRS countered with, "Yes, he is a brainless moron. We wish Mr. Snipes all the best in his upcoming solitary years!"
North Korea Denies Aiding Syrians In Building A-Bomb
A of North Korean political advirsor told the UN today, "We no give nucrar bomb clap to Syrian!" After some translation difficulties, the US told Korean leader, Kim Jong-il, "Keep nuclar clap in own back yard, you riars!" Kim replied, "Why the poor English?"
The Reverend Wright, Jr. Says Comments Out of Context
Former Obama church reverend, Jeremiah A. Wright, Jr. now says his antisemitic, anti-white, and anti-American comments were taken out of context. Obama says to just read the Reverend's book, 'Why I'm A Bigot and Anti-American' "to see the humanity in the man."
Banks lose overdraft case
The UK's biggest banks today lost their battle to continue charging obscene amounts for doing f**k all. Graham Norton is nervously keeping up to date with developments.
Women Who Eat Bananas Likely To Have Male Child!
Research shows that women who eat bananas are more likely to have male offspring. Does this indirectly correlate to a 'banana split?' And, what about severely-old and darkened mushy bananas? It is also shown that an unpeeled banana can be linked to something else!
GTA IV 'not as good as the book' says bespectacled onanist
The scathing review of Grand Theft Auto IV was given just after Keith Oberman,33, had played it for about five minutes at his friends house. Apparently the lack of narrative subtext left him feeling empty. He then left to masturbate over pornography at his own house.