Spoof news snippets from Tuesday 30 October 2007
BDSM Animals Shock RSPCA
RSPCA man Andrew Cross has appealed to BDSM enthusiasts to spare their pets. 'Last week near Keighley we had to remove an electric eel from a young lady in a bath and yesterday it took three of us all morning to remove the nipple clamps from a herd of cows at Pontefract' he complained.
Imaginary Pets Evolution Is Sign of the Times
Ipswich goat-fondler Clive Nascent keeps an imaginary Rhinocerous in his sock drawer. His father, Ron, had an imaginary Dodo, and his Dad, Nathan, kept a phantom Eohippus in a tiny calico bag. 'After all -Rhinos will soon be extinct so I'm keeping up the tradition' grimaced Clive.
Confusion Part II
A group of Penguins today joined a Nunnery. It spells the end for many a dubious joke, we are afraid.
Confusion Part I
Three men walked into a bar. Hilarity ensued, but not for the one that was made to look a bit of a fool.
Free Newspapers are no longer free. Busy people now have to pay for sheets of paper with three pieces of lat weeks news and advertisments for products that they never knew they could not live without.
Today, a ghost writer revealed that he purposely left spelling mistakes in the books he wrote for Enud Blighton KJ Growling, and ST Elliot.
Boffins have proven beyond doubt that water never gets any wetter.
Today, a Grizzly Bear made a picnic for a holidaying family, which put paid to their fearsome reputation.
Today, a hay straw was found in a needle shop. That is the last time Windy Miller mixes his cliches.
Saint Bob Geldof in 'hot water'
Sir Bob Geldof found himself in controversy yesterday after he admitted to never drinking fairly traded tea at home because he can taste the "lack of f*****g effort" in the production process.
Artist formerly known as 'Good'
Apparently a gas leak caused people to accidentally enjoy weird sex dwarf Prince's endless concerts at the O2 arena.
McCann and Will.
Having your child abducted is being recommended by the Government as a suitable method of eliviating debt, and an ideal solution for 1st time house buyers.
PC World News.
Uruguay is the first country to buy the new $100 laptops for children. The laptops consist of a pen and a double sided sheet of A4 paper with a calculator stapled onto it. They are said to be 'very happy'
Top up your bin with the Government's latest rubbish idea. Buy your previously free wheely bin or get 'pre pay' top up sacks with 50 free text messages and a ringtone of Gordon Brown singing 'Money, Money, Money'.
Hillary trips, breaks hip
Hillary was released earlier toady from the hospital afer tripping over a kneeling intern going around Bill's desk. Doctor's say she will be back on the campaign trail within a week, bending Obama over the barrel in Iowa.