Spoof news snippets from Wednesday 17 October 2007
Curt Schilling to be Devalued
The Boston Red Sox announced today that if the team does not make it to the World Series their starting pitcher Curt Schilling will be devalued. He will be known as Curt Ninepence after Thursday.
Colbert Steps Up, America Is Safe!
Stephen Colbert,author of I'm America and You Can Be Too,narrowed his beady little eyes today and told a hushed, vacant room that he was offering his lithe, tanned body and brittle mind to being ... um, President. Of these United States... soon.
The canned laughter used in Sitcom 'My Family' has been released into the wild. The programmes makers face charges of animal cruelty.
Google to Jail
A man, who googled himself today, found that he was wanted on three counts of gross negligence. He has turned himself into the Police, whilst his wife of two months collects the reward.
A Bull has broken all of the produce in a mirror shop. That is the last time that unlucky fool Mr Smith from Uphingham on the fritz gets his cliches mixed up. Well, that was what he said the last time, at least.
Rentaghost - The truth
The truth about childish drama Rentaghost was revealed earlier today. It was really not as good as we remember it being, like many things from our childhoods.
Loud actor Brian Blessed was today laid out by a bad case of man flu, and can now only whisper. His family said it was a Blessed relief (Cracker joke, circa 1973).
Ivor the Engine
Ivor the Engine, beloved personified steam train in his own documentary will retire at the end of the year. Jones the Steam said: 'He was nothing to me. Just took the credit for everything'
The Ghost of Christmas Future
Old curmudgeon the Ghost of Christmas Future is actually Fraser from Dad's Army, and says 'Doomed!! We're all doomed'. Jones the Butcher said, 'Don't panic!! They don't like it up them!!!'
Bagpuss in running for Liberal Democrat
Bagpuss, resting star of his own series in the 1970's has revealed that he is in the running for Liberal Democrat Leadership. Proffessor Yaffle, a colleague of Bagpuss said 'What? I can't hear you. Where did I put my ear trumpet?'
Menzies Campbell, old man of the Liberal Democrats has received his P45. It was delayed by the postal strikes.
Charles "Hiding Like Saddam"
Prince Charles is "using doubles like Saddam did" claims Mrs Grimper, of "Ocean View" guest house. A recent lodger, claiming to be the Prince "didn't even look like 'im, and he nivver batted an eyelid when me hubby Bert asked aboot poor Diana's annivoosary."