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Mucca Not Pukka Says Jade

Madwoman Heather Mills, 54, is the victim of ugly Big Brother bully and moron Jade Goody's latest attack. 'That stoopid cow gets on my tits. 'Cos she's ambidextrose like Lord Nelson don't mean noffink. She should leave Peter Carthy alone innit,' lambasted the loudmouthed idiot, 37, yesterday.

written by Erskin Quint, 07 November 2007
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Macca's New Stunna's Worth Ten of Mucca

Sir Paul McCartney's new lover Nancy Shevell, 25, is a right stunna! She's fit, has brains, and is worth a bob or two. Why oh why, with hordes of lovely women like that about, did Macca ever get mixed up with a crazy old slag like fame-hungry money-grabber Heather Mills, 56?

written by Erskin Quint, 07 November 2007
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Macca Mucker Mocca Mocks Mucca

Paul McCartney fan Harry Mocombe, 55, a layabout and wife-beater, yesterday taunted mad cow Heather Mills, 61, branding her 'a vindictive old bat with more money than sense that needs a good slapping.'

written by Erskin Quint, 07 November 2007
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Mucca Out of Lucca

Looney Heather Mills, 55, tore up a lottery ticket yesterday after she failed to win a prize. Mucca, 67, was wild-eyed with rage as she launched an attack on Paul McCartney, 88, branding him 'a miserable old bastard' after he refused to share his winnings on the 2.45 at York.

written by Erskin Quint, 07 November 2007
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Hello

Lionel Richie's refrain 'Hello, is it me you're looking for?' has been condemned for its use of irony, says washed up pop star Limahl.

written by Ben Macnair, 07 November 2007
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Rubix Circle

Professor Sedgwick Rubix the III has usurped his father's work with the invention of the Rubix Circle. It was solved by a four year old in six minutes.

written by Ben Macnair, 07 November 2007
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Operation

Operation, the game adored by Children the world over, is too be banned in schools, as it is a cause of stress for the under 8's.

written by Ben Macnair, 07 November 2007
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Ears Looking at you, Kid

There was a tense stand of between actor Martin Clunes, Dr Spock, and Skippy the Bush Kangaroo in 'Guess the biggest ears' at the White House.

written by Ben Macnair, 07 November 2007
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Horse Death

Today, Knacker, the only horse in a one horse town was shot by Government officials, wanting to rebrand the place properly.

written by Ben Macnair, 07 November 2007
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Comedy missing link

There was a small fight in London today when small Geordie comics Ant and Dec where described as the missing link between Cannon and Ball and Joe Pasquale.

written by Ben Macnair, 07 November 2007
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Soup, sir

Soup spoons are to be redesigned, so that they act more like straws, says an old man with too much time on his hands.

written by Ben Macnair, 07 November 2007
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Black is the old Black

There was shock in the Fashion world today, when Black was called the old Black.

written by Ben Macnair, 07 November 2007
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