Spoof news snippets from Friday 16 November 2007
No Deal For 'New Noel'
Noel Edmonds, 74, was turned away from the TV studio door where the latest edition of 'Deal Or No Deal' was being filmed yesterday. 'They said Noel was already inside threatening the audience and told me to f*** off' claimed Edmonds, 74, a retired pargeter from Middlezoy, Somerset. 'Bastards.'
'No Deal For Noel Now' Claims 'Ex-Lover Emily'
Ms Emily Frantic, 62, a Great Yarmouth Lollipop Lady, made the shock claim yesterday that the man she bedded on a 1972 Halifax dirty weekend was Noel Edmunds, 76, a dump-truck driver, and not Noel Edmonds, 69, the irritating bearded TV host.
'No Deal: Noel's Not Real' says Peel
'Noel Edmonds, 63, is not real' claimed Albert Peel, 77, a retired beefeater from Lincoln, yesterday. Peel, 77, a retired beefeater from Lincoln, made the shock unreality claim about Edmonds, 63, yesterday.
An Irish woman was admitted to hospital after having phone sex. Doctors removed 2 Nokias, 3 Motorolas and a Samsung. No Siemen was found.
Scientists clone first monkey wrench
"This will be a valuable tool for treating or curing human homes & vehicles," said one scientist. But hardware stores are opposed to the cloning. "We won't honor a 'lifetime warranty' from a cloned tool," an industry spokesman said...