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Rating:

Cannibal Cult Leader Faces Death Penalty

Witnesses say he's "eaten up" with guilt.

written by TomFoolery, 20 March 2007
Rating:

Some Muslim cashiers at Minnesota Target store refuse to scan pork products

Jewish cashiers are mulling over the idea. In spite of the blatant disrespect, pigs remain fat, dumb and happy.

written by TomFoolery, 20 March 2007
Rating:

Vincent ("Sleepin' with the Fishes") Pastore Wants to Come Back to "Dancing with the Stars"

Plans to whack a current contestant and make a triumphant return.

written by Gail Farrelly, 20 March 2007
Rating:

Film stars - "no panties rules"

A new bill has been passed by George Bush (he has Bill Clinton's approval) that all film stars (preferably actresses and not actors) will no longer keep their celebrity status unless they are "knickerless".

written by Ana Ward, 20 March 2007
Rating:

Barron William Trump Celebrates First Birthday

Buys three properties in Manhattan, says "You're fired" to his nanny, hangs an even bigger American flag on his Florida home, and sends a nasty e-mail to Rosie O'Donnell.

written by Gail Farrelly, 20 March 2007
Rating:

Al Qaeda suspect confesses to role in New Coke disaster

The suspect, Walid bin Attash, testified the bad-tasting soda was part of an elaborate terror plot so Coca Cola could exchange cane sugar for corn syrup in Classic Coke...

written by Robin Berger, 20 March 2007
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