Spoof news snippets from June 2007
There were 164 spoof news snippets published in June 2007. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
sentences entire city of Philadelphia.
Hugh G. Wadmore III Writes The Spoof
CCN - Hugh G. Wadmore III wrote TheSpoof.com a letter which has been posted in the Satire section. He has no iDEa why the "little people" are complaining.
Spoof Writer's Insurance Cancelled by BP
CCN - Cal Jennings, a writer at TheSpoof.com, had his insurance revoked back to April for writing about the Corrupt Bastards Club members at BP and for making DVD videos for the Ron Paul campaign before the Iowa Straw Poll.
Egg Man Suffers Horrific Head Injuries Following Fall
Could not be saved despite best efforts of all the Kings Horses and all the Kings Men
Billy Bob Invades TheSpoof.com
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Dublin - Billy Bob has posted his videos in the satire section of TheSpoof.com, attacking almost everything the writers stand for!
Nuclear Workers Denied Compensation
CCN - The Bush administration Corrupt Bastards denied workers their compensation, enforcing long processes through which they must go in hopes that they will die before they can receive benefits.
Gordon Brown Denies Having The Beatles on his iPOD; fears prosecution for illegal downloads
"Aren't 50% of them dead anyway?" He tells reporters
Paris Hilton Elated At Prison Release
I remind her: "You're still ugly and have no tits though.."
Pensioner Has A Stroke On Packed Bus
Friend also tries, but driver pushes her hand away
U.S. DHS raises terror level over new Bruce Willis movie
Fears millions of Muslim teenagers will try to duplicate the realistic hacker stunts in "Die Hard 4.0" movie. "If enough of them gang up, they could remotely destroy America by computer," DHS undersecretary Greg Garcia was quoted as saying...
John McClane named U.S. cybersecurity czar
The living legend, played by Bruce Willis in "Die Hard" movies, will replace disgraced DHS undersecretary Greg Garcia, who resigned after his policies failed to stop hackers from destroying America...
The Return of the Iron Curtain
"We only took it down to wash it" - Putin
Judge Fixed-Up By Line-Up
The "victim" of Judge Roberts' alleged train flashing has admitted the identity parade may have been flawed. "When you've seen one prick you've seen them all" she said. "He was the only one what was circumcised and the other 5 geezers were randy young coppers who all had hard-ons."
Rotten To The Core
Settlement of the trading name dispute between computer maker Apple and the Beatles' Apple Corp have been thrown into doubt by a new entrant in the battle. The International Apple Growers Association claim their sole rights to the name were established in the Garden of Eden by Adam and Eve.
Today's international conference of tourette's sufferers had to be abandoned because everyone spoke at once.
The latest edition of the Oxford dictionary adds a new definition for the word plagiarise, - "to cut and paste".
The International Shoplifters Federation is introducing classes in identity fraud to enable more of their members to work from home.
Michael Barrymore Denies Rumours Of Panto This Christmas
"I did Aladdin 6 years ago, and I haven't heard the last of it.."
Smoke Ban Delay
The Government has announced a one month delay in the introduction of the smoking ban due to an insufficient number of accredited snitchers.
Prince Harry "On Card"
Prince Harry chose a portrait of himself in the uniform of the Blues and Royals for this year's Father's Day card. In accordance with his annual tradition, 500 will be sent out with recipients including Prince Charles, James Hewitt and the Household Cavalry.
Research by WhyGov, the news and opinion Web portal for UK Government and politics, has revealed that elections are futile and delusive because the Country is run by Piers Morgan.
Big Brother Goes Correct
Channel 4 has agreed to demands to edit swear words and racial abuse from broadcasts of Big Brother. The normally hour long show will now run for only 4 minutes.
President Gases Queen in Pong Gone Wrong
In a disrespectful and unprecedented booze induced faux pas during the Queen's recent visit to the White House, a smiling George Bush asked her to pull his finger and then broke a loud and smelly fart.
Abdul Hamza Loses Second Eye Following bird **** incident
"I forgot about the hook." He said, looking red faced.
Paris Hilton Gives Larry King Emotional Interview
"Prison was so like, what-evvveeerrr!"
Most Bikers Are Fat and Stupid
Bad diet and no exercise blamed
David Ginola's embarrasing secret revealed
His name is anagram of "Vagina Dildo"
Bored By Orchestra
Man scared of Dog
Media bored to death
Olympic Name Drop
The International Olympic Committee has asked the UK to remove the words "Olympic Games" from the 2012 event to be held in London. They fear the use of a distorted swastika as a logo will be detrimental to the movement's image. The event will now be called the "2012 Fun and Games".
UFO Enthusiasts Back Immigration Bill
Congress is being urged to pass the current Senate immigration bill. They hope that with citizenship nearly automatic for illegal aliens, a flood of visitors from distant galaxies will flock here to take advantage such uniquely American luxuries as round-the-clock Paris Hilton coverage.
A London housewife has been awarded £700,000 in damages from McCain's, makers of the ubiquitous oven chips, for burning her fingers by turning them over half way through cooking.
George Bush Notified Of Failed Brazilian Suicide Bombers
While counting his fingers and toes asks: "How many zeroes goes on the end of one Brazilian?"
Jose Mourinho Signs Talented Christmas Turkey For £1m
Turkey confirms: "I don't want the money, just make sure I'm playing Boxing Day.."
Paris Hilton's jail cell to contain extortionately over-priced minibar
"Now that's what we call justice" - say prison officers.
Spam King Soloway out of Business
Partners of shy men with small penises call for day of mourning.
Man finds single cornflake in box of little plastic dinosaurs
Kelloggs offers its sincere apologies
Alan Sugar Fired!
The Board of Amstrad have fired chairman and CEO Sir Alan Sugar due to disappointing sales of his "Em@iler" telephone. Despite spending millions of pounds on development and marketing, only 5 units have ever been sold, all as props for the BBC TV series "The Apprentice".
Dyslexic Judge takes Sierra Leone Civil War case
Prominent librarian indicted for war crimes
I Wish I had Thought of That
Seen a good "Spoof" story & thought "Wish I had that idea?"
Well you can. Highlight it, right click and select 'copy'.......
The Idiots Guide to Cribbing is now available online at whamazon.cum
Bush Government Defined as "KAKISTOCRACY"
(The) "rule by the least able or least-principled of citizens, (kakistocracy) is a form of government in which the people least qualified to control the government are the people who control the government."
Dr. Jack Kevorkian To Buy Abortion Clinic
Just out of prison says, "After 8 years in jail, I now need to start as early as I can."
Kate Moss to launch new food range
Its being billed as "Fat Free, Guilt Free, Taste Free", and thats just its owner.
Iranian Minister Calls for 'Temporary' Marriages to Fulfill Sexual Desires
Amazing what a little 'temporary' insanity can do!
Hillary: Faith Saved My Marriage
Faith, however, has refused repeated requests to be interviewed.
Woman Kills Herself And Lives To Tell The Tale!
"It's a miracle!" proclaims Hyannis, MA resident Marjorie Carrotcake.
Rice Crispies Quit Talking
Snap, Crackle and Pop may be suffering from depression and could be suicidal. They are on 24x7 bowl watch.
Scooter Libby Sentenced to 30 Months
"I don't mind, really." says Libby. "I needed the rest after covering up for Cheney for so long."
Eating crumpets can kill!
Manners Satchen of EuroCrumbFactoids LLE the Swiss statistical enumeration wonderland, said that eating 228 crumpets in one go could kill you dead. The calculation used to determine the exact number was not divulged, however, it is known that anything over one hundred and fifty is decidedly dodgy.
I Was Caressed by Cameron at Eton proclaims Resident
Says antique Grecian Urn in shock revelations inside this month's edition of "Antiques Speak!"
Head of Channel 4 quits
"At last I'm recognised as a total twat. I can now fulfil my ambition." He said on his first day as head of the Inland Revenue.
Oompah Loompah's Vote For Industrial Action
"Mr. Wonka will have to pack his own fudge for the next two weeks," cried Chief Loompah, Oobooboo Scargill. "We are fighting for our Loompah Rights."
The future of the Roebuck is something very deer to my hart.
BBC Now Officially "90%" Adverts
"The trailers for our programmes are now longer than the programmes themselves!" says BBC Spokesman, Pansy McGandhi.
Endemol Chief indicted for Crimes Against Humanity
Maker of Channel 4's Moron-Fest "Big Brother" was arrested in his home last night. His lawyer, Atilla Mengele, pleaded his client's innocence saying that Big Brother had helped drop the UK's average IQ to minus 5 and therefore helped Labour to three consecutive victories.
Paris Hilton to be Outsourced
Exhausted, EVERYBODY has signed a WORLD petition to outsource Paris Hilton at least for 24 hours, so we can all get some REST!
Paris Hilton Lives Faster Than A Boiled Egg
Yesterday I boiled an egg and made toast. In the time that took, Paris Hilton got out of jail, had family reunion, fed Tinkerbell, went to court and back to jail. Phew!
"Spastic" voted funniest banned word!
Guardian readers voted in their thousands to nominate the funniest word banned from official council literature. "I know it's wrong but it makes me giggle every time I say it!" commented Guardian reader, Dandelion Teascone.
Jodie Foster Grows Penis
"Contact" star embarassed by shock discovery while taking shower.
Riders Stranded Upside Down on Arkansas Roller Coaster
Terrorists hiding in the underbrush surrounding the amusement ride abandoned their plans to use such a power failure scenario to subdue would-be hostages, since most of those rescued stayed aboard, hoping it would happen again.
Man Oozes Green Blood Before Surgery
But doctors go ahead and operate on Shrek anyway.
Super Mario Fined For Not Being Corgi Registered
"I'm-a-so-ashamed!" admitted the iconic Plumber.
Tony Blair blames Mystic Meg for Iraq War
"I read her horoscope column on the Monday and it said that you would be replaced by a sour, Stalinist Dictator and thought she meant Saddam! I didn't realise she was talking about Gordon." whined the outgoing War Criminal.
Rumsfeld defends his new book, "Muslim Armageddon"
"It deals with the sensitive issue of radiation sickness on muslim families through sustained nuclear strikes on Syria and Iran," quipped the author.
"Racist" biscuits banned by Labour
Custard Creams replaced by Bourbon Biscuits in the Headquarters of the Commission for Racial Equality.
US Ranks Near Bottom of International 'Peace List'
The President is so angry about it he'd like to 'reach out and bomb the crap out of some country or the other'.
Kevorkian To Open 'Preemptive' Clinic For Corrupt Bastards
Clinic will recruit clients with bribes and payoffs. "Those cheap bastards will sell out for almost nothing." says Kevorkian.
Man Gives Birth to Duck
"Definitely a true story," proclaims North Korean press.
Gay Man Sues God For Making Him Gay
"My Lawyer tells me I have a good case and I'm going to fight the big man all the way," squeaks Province Town, MA resident, Jasko Cucumber.
Boston Police Officer Allergic to Donuts
"The other guys stare at me like I'm some kinda freak!" cries officer Patrick Belgianbun.
London 2012 logo
Robert Llwelyn Bowen: "even I think it's ****"
London 2012 logo
"I'd wear it says" Coleen McLoughlin
London 2012 logo
Stevie Wonder: "It's the best thing I've seen in ages"
The BNP Adopt New Olympic Logo
"I shed a tear when I saw that our great nation now had its very own swastika," said BNP spokesman, Adolf Turniptop. "The Olympic Committee have done us proud."
Magic Roundabout star Brian arrested for Kerb Crawling
"My client contests the claim and I am confident that he is completely innocent!" screams expensively-paid and immoral spokesman.
Man Sues Health Drink Maker Over Erection
Sales of BOOST PLUS have 'spiked' and the price of stock in the drink's manufacturer, NOVARTIS-AG, have 'swelled' after man says the drink caused an erection that would not subside. "'Hard' to believe," says NOVARTIS-AG spokesman.
Patricia Hewitt plans Fines for sick People
"They are an unnecessary burden on the NHS!" warns Health Minister on advice from NHS Accountants.
Dermot O'Leary refused insurance on his "talent."
"We see no proof of any," whines a spokesman for Insurance Giant Lloyds. "We refused a similar policy on Russell Brand."
Toastmasters International Looking for a Few Extraverts
Unfortunately, in these wartorn times, there just aren't enough verts to go around.
Big Brother Resident Booted Out For Being White
"Her skin colour won't be tolerated," said Channel 4 spokesman, Satan Hitler-Laden.
Series 2 of Jericho To Be Filmed in Iran
"The nuclear bomb effects will be so realistic," says Special Effects Head, George W. Bush.
Epileptic Breakdance Troupe welcomes New Olympic Logo Video
"You should see our crazy moves!" says Troupe Leader, Flashing "Lights" JoJo Pokemon.
Channel 4 to Broadcast Documentary of Cannibal eating Diana's Corpse
"It's what our viewers have been waiting for," exclaimed Head of Broadcasting, Ronnie Retard. "We've listened to concerns from the two princes and ignored them in the chase for ratings."
BBC Defends Policy to Sack all White News Presenters
"Having white people on television isn't going to reach our core demographic of Guardian readers," says BBC spokesman, Robert Mugabe.
Liverpool Fans Worst in Europe
"I'd even seen one nicking the hubcaps off the Pope Mobile," says UEFA head, David Moyes.
Harry Potter in Shock Internet Sex Tape
Wizard Potter denies claims that a tape of him and Ron Weasley is authentic.
Mother with White Child Spotted Moving into Council Estate
"It just ain't right!" says shocked neighbour, Scabbia Dovukal-Aldey.
Bush discusses Gay Marriage with Pope
"After many hours of discussion, we have agreed that I should be the bitch." said the proud President.
Lewis Hamilton exposed as Cyborg!
"Once my personality chip gets installed I will be complete," droned the one-person party Animal, Hamilton.
Tom Cruise found in Kangaroo's Pouch!
Hollywood star was only seeking refuge from world press says spokesman, Xenu Xanudu.
Man with Sausages for Arms Discovered!
"Definitely a true story," says North Korean Press.
The enemy of your enemy is your friend so the saying goes
When the enemy despises everything about you, you better keep a closer watch on your friend.
Runaway "Hiccup Girl' Found Safe
Found 'hopping' along some two miles from home, turned 180 degrees, she hiccuped all the way back home.
A report published by the Association of British Windfarms has shown that 73% of British children believe that Sikhs wear turbines. A spokesman from the Council of British Turbans said he was "blown away" at the news.
Hey, George W., What Time Is It?
President Bush has watch stolen from his wrist as he greets Albanians. Guess they're telling him it's time to go back home?!
Banana-Flavored Twinkies Return to Shelves After Half-Century Hiatus
Rosie O'Donnell, Roseanne Barr and Oprah are ecstatic!
Naked Nintendo Wii Sports Craze Hits Britain!
Video footage of Pauline Quirke playing Wii Sports while naked has been condemned by Nintendo. Footage of Kelly Brook playing was not condemned.
Nineteenth-Century Harpoon Found in Live Whale
The harpooner, sadly, was digested and excreted decades ago.