There were 63 spoof news snippets published in July 2007. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.

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Corrupt Bastards Club Intervenes in Cattle Pollution

CCN - Lord Browne, the BP member of the Corrupt Bastards Club, was sent to reduce the amount of methane produced by cattle.

written by Cal Jennings, 11 July 2007
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Britain Flood Update

It's still raining.

written by Mark, 01 July 2007
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Captain Marvel Dies. Superhero Spoof Writer Mourns.

CCN - Cal-el, who some know as TheSpoof.com writer Cal Jennings, mourns the death of Captain Marvel.

written by Cal Jennings, 02 July 2007
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Dennis Kucinich Teams Up with Ron Paul

CCN - Dennis Kucinich teamed up with Ron Paul today to form the Unity Party after both were kicked out of the parties in which they were trying to run.

written by Cal Jennings, 28 July 2007
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Republicans Change Party Symbol to Chicken

CCN - "The Internets" - All but two of the Republican presidential hopefuls have turned down the one debate being hailed as the format created by the American people. As a result, the party symbol has been changed from an elephant to a chicken.

written by Cal Jennings, 29 July 2007
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George Bush Called Best President EVER!

CCN - According to a writer in India, George Bush will be remembered as the best president EVER! Of course, India hasn't been affected much by Bush.

written by Cal Jennings, 05 July 2007
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Superstar Singer Usher Cancels Wedding

He's quoted as saying, "Hey, I didn't know I was expected to be the groom. I was planning on being just an usher."

written by Gail Farrelly, 30 July 2007
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Husband of five years too embarassed to ask his wife what her name is

"I think it's Kathy or Kerry or something like that..." says area husband Michael Klein. "I'm hoping to find out by asking her to name our daughter after her when she goes into labour next week".

written by Jim Dunson, 05 July 2007
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U.S. Senate Has All-Night Session to Discuss Iraq War

President Bush is glad he didn't have to attend. "I always hated pajama parties," he said.

written by Gail Farrelly, 18 July 2007
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The Spoof Writers Can't Stop Producing Stories about The Spoof Movie

Mark Lowton, owner of The Spoof, laments: "They're out of control. There seems to be a strong and contagious virus infecting anyone who visits The Spoof forum."

written by Gail Farrelly, 29 July 2007
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World's Tallest Man Weds in Mongolia

Next up: Man with World's Tiniest Hands Weds Woman with World's Largest Breasts.

written by BillyTheRocker, 12 July 2007
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Hamas announces that it wants to terrorize other people

After numerous decades of attacking Israel, the Palestinian militant group Hamas has announced that it wants terrorize other people. The group neither confirmed nor denied that its decision was influenced by Israel's much publicized skirmish with Hezbollah last summer.

written by Jim Dunson, 04 July 2007
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US Air Force begs for "swift withdrawal" from Iraq

"We need all of our Airmen on the home front so they can fight in the war against identity theft," said an Air Force general...

written by Robin Berger, 20 July 2007
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Katie Couric Doubts CBS move; Blames Chairs

Katie Couric announced today that she sometimes has serious doubts about her move to CBS, stating 'their chairs make my ass hurt'.

written by BillyTheRocker, 09 July 2007
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Bottled Water Unsafe for Environment

It's been determined bottled water contributes to global warming; study finds bottles were invented by Al Gore shortly before he created the internet.

written by BillyTheRocker, 10 July 2007
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Results of President's Colonoscopy Leaked to the Press

American's stunned to realize that not only is their president a rotten asshole, his asshole seems to be rotting as well.

written by Chuck the Canuck, 31 July 2007
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Ice Cream Salesman Found Dead

Popular ice cream van salesman Mr.Whippy was found dead in his van yesterday, covered in hundreds and thousands. Police believe he topped himself.

written by Ho Lee Crap, 04 July 2007
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New GOP Candidates

Doctors have cloned five new GOP candidates from Bush polyps. Projected to be even bigger asses.

written by Jack Van Gump, 25 July 2007
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Bush Refuses to Pullout of Iraq

President Bush is refusing to withdraw US forces from Iraq; additionally, he plans to blow up the moon and eat a watermelon in one sitting.

written by BillyTheRocker, 09 July 2007
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Latin American men: 'Pesticides made us sterile'

Men in Latin America insist pesticides made them sterile; prior to today's claim, it was believed repetitive masturbation was to blame.

written by BillyTheRocker, 10 July 2007
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Senator On Whore's List

Republican says he thought it was 'More' list for bribery & payoffs

written by Gnarly Erik, 10 July 2007
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Pope: Other Christian Denominations Not True Churches

"And they stole BINGO from us, too," he proclaims!

written by TomFoolery, 11 July 2007
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Canada Has the Most Pot Smokers in Industrialized World

Our neighbor to the north has officially petitioned Cheech and Chong for permission to use "Up In Smoke" as their new national slogan.

written by TomFoolery, 11 July 2007
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Georgia Prosecutor Releases Amateur Sex Tape of Teens That Put 17-Year-Old Behind Bars

Be prepared to fork over ten bucks if you want to watch it!

written by TomFoolery, 12 July 2007
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The mind loser speaks of his heartache

I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.

written by ChillerBaggins, 13 July 2007
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Cats & Dogs : The Truth

Cats are smarter than dogs. You'll never get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

written by ChillerBaggins, 16 July 2007
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In Meeting With Atheists, Rep. Ellison Compares President Bush to Hitler

What possessed the congressman's appalling behavior, God only knows!

written by TomFoolery, 17 July 2007
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Snoop Doggy Dog Getting Sued By Snoopy

"Look, my name is Snoopy and I'm a dog. What more evidence do you need that he stole my name? Moving the letter 'Y' does not make a new name."

written by Johnny Ovaltine, 24 July 2007
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Monica Lewinski on Clinton

"I didn't do it, but if I did do it, here's how I would have done it..."

written by Johnny Ovaltine, 25 July 2007
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Lohan Announces Engagement to Vick

In a move that CNN, ESPN and tabloids worldwide are calling "better than Christmas," Lindsay Lohan announced that she has become engaged to disgraced NFL star Michael Vick. Lohan explained, "He knows what its like to be dogged by the media just like I am..."

written by jssanders, 26 July 2007
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Smoking Ban

It is a popular misconception that passive smoking is inhaling other peoples smoke. It is in fact smoking during a period of peace during a major conflict.

written by newsinfoplus, 27 July 2007
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Microsoft - History Byte

Microsoft is currently in the fifth year of its war on Apple Mac, although the war officially ended seven years ago and was only released due to a bug in windows XP service pack one which launched a pre-emptive strike against the less popular company.

written by newsinfoplus, 27 July 2007
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London Mayor - Opinion

Boris Johnson Vs Ken Livingstone, who will win? Well Boris obviously, which slightly undermines the idea of posing a rhetorical question in the first place. Though now I've said it, it doesn't look too bad as the start of a small paragraph.

written by newsinfoplus, 27 July 2007
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Strange but true - Fact 1

Did you know, fifteen percent of the adult British population farm sheep, or have had sheep farming dreams at some point in their drab wretched lives. Not that I'm judging them, the freaks.

written by newsinfoplus, 27 July 2007
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Strange but true - Fact 2

Studies suggest that more than one in twenty people have hired a contract killer to shoot one of their neighbours, said neighbour's pets or a local dustman, within the remits of their working life, although how many of these people were inebriated at the time is unknown.

written by newsinfoplus, 27 July 2007
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Arnold The Governator Gets New Sandwich

"Hey, girly-man, I have a new sandwich at Wendy's. The Baconator. Eat it or be terminated..."

written by Johnny Ovaltine, 28 July 2007
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Leeds United 1, Cornwall School for Blind 3

LEEDS (HNN) -- Leeds United wrapped up its exhibition season yesterday with a 3-1 loss to the Cornwall School for the Blind. "They saw the ball better than we did," said manager Dennis Wise.

written by Heewack, 31 July 2007
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Justice Roberts 'Acting Like a Democrat,' Doctors Say

Supreme Court Justice was "ashen and foaming at the mouth" following fall from idiopathic seizure, doctors reported...

written by Heewack, 31 July 2007
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Man Says HR Department has "No Sense of Humor"

"All I did was suggest that we 'get a co-ed hot tub for the company cafeteria.' It was a joke," said Arthur Deadbolt, 46, who must attend sensitivity training at Cog Inc.

written by Heewack, 31 July 2007
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Sarina has God on her side

Tennis star Sarina Williams suffered a severe leg cramp destined to cost her the match when the skies opened up and an hour and a half rainstorm allowed recuperation and the win.

written by Skews Me, 04 July 2007
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Exploding iPhones

Batteries in the popular new iPhone line are overheating and bursting into flames claim several consumers in desert climes. Batteries may be replaced by returning the phones to an Apple outlet.

written by Skews Me, 11 July 2007
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Gong Hits 4 Bush

In an attempt to counter his failing popularity ratings, President George W. Bush is planning a propaganda campaign to convince America that a push into Iran is necessary for democracy.

written by Skews Me, 05 July 2007
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"Mamma Mia" - ABBA daba do

The only UK number 1 record to contain in its lyrics the title of the song which knocked it off number 1 was...Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen (lyric: "Mamma Mia")

written by ChillerBaggins, 09 July 2007
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Rocks in your head

98% of the recommended daily allowance of Fibrinogen (vitamin K) can be obtained by eating three small pebbles found on a beach.

written by ChillerBaggins, 08 July 2007
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Ming or Menzies?

Sir Menzies Campbell's name is pronounced "Ming", as in the game of "pinzies ponzies".

written by Quentin Dynamite, 09 July 2007
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Convicted Iranian Adulterer Stoned to Death

Imported Canadian marijuana used to carry out the sentence.

written by TomFoolery, 11 July 2007
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Queen with small one, but big thirst

The QE2 only does 6 inches to a gallon of fuel!

written by ChillerBaggins, 14 July 2007
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Deep thoughts of a deep thinker

"Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a very beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. Of course, I am quite drunk"

written by ChillerBaggins, 15 July 2007
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British Explorer Becomes First Person to Swim at North Pole

Santa Claus scoffed at the claim: "What do I look like, chopped liver?!"

written by TomFoolery, 17 July 2007
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Who Let The Dogs Out??

Grand jury indictment declares the winner: Michael Vick!!

written by TomFoolery, 17 July 2007
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Frisbee turns 50

The popular Wham-O throw toy celebrates its 50th birthday party this summer. A popular chew toy among active canines, remember to get your pets spayed or neutered.

written by Skews Me, 18 July 2007
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Bob The Builder Is Not Corgi Registered

It has been revealed that Bob The Builder is not corgi registered, he is a fraud, do not let him build near you!

written by Terrance Wilkinson, 22 July 2007
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Olympic Pole Vaulter Tired of Vaulting Poles

"Ever since the incident in 2004, my voice has been a few octacves higher... I don't know why the Olympic Commission decided to replace my talcum powder with that oil based lubricant but, I think it was a bad move."

written by Johnny Ovaltine, 24 July 2007
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Man with almost no brain has led a normal life with a slightly lower than normal IQ, doctors say.

Michael Moore is not just your average half-wit!

written by TomFoolery, 25 July 2007
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Lindsay Lohan: Not My Peruvian Flake

"We were playing that game where you change your pants with the person next to you when you're driving, that's when we got pulled over."

written by Johnny Ovaltine, 27 July 2007
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George 'the hairy' Bush and 'Brown-eye' Gordon Meet at Camp David

"If we only had a pair of nards between us we'd really have something!

written by Johnny Ovaltine, 30 July 2007
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Man Watching at Home Wins 'Jeopardy' for 3,658th Straight Time

Arthur Fanbelt, 58, of Norwalk, Ohio, estimates his unachieved lifetime winnings at $17.8 million.

written by Heewack, 30 July 2007
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Bergman "Never Got to Finish Harry Potter Book"

The daughter of Swedish film director Ingmar Bergman, who died this weekend at age 89, said the famed director had only gotten "about halfway through" the final book of the Harry Potter series. "He'll never know how it ends," she said.

written by Heewack, 30 July 2007
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Spoof Editor's Mustache Predicts the Weather

Bull urine once per hour does the trick. "It's way better than being boared with male hog piss." says editor.

written by Gnarly Erik, 07 July 2007
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Katie Couric Bitch Slaps CBS Evening News Editor

Use of word "sputum' beyond blonde bimbo's limited vocabulary, exposes her already obvious 'ditz' factor.

written by TomFoolery, 10 July 2007
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First Corrupt Bastard Convicted

Convicted Bastard asks Bush for presidential pardon.

written by Gnarly Erik, 10 July 2007
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George W.Bush:"I did not have sex with that woman"

After being caught in the back of his limo naked with Paris Hilton,Bush denies ever having sex with her.

written by Jerrbear, 26 July 2007
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Ich bin ein Berliner

Subaru backwards is 'U R A Bus'

written by ChillerBaggins, 07 July 2007
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