Spoof news snippets from Tuesday 20 February 2007
President renames Presidents' Day
Presidents day is to be renamed 'billionaire oil magnates puppet day', President Bush announced. The day will consist of an opportunity for Mr Bushs ring piece to recover after having so many wealthy republicans working his sphincter
The dead have returned to life and are eating the flesh of the living and smashing open their heads to feast on the brains of their former friends and family. Oh, hold on. No they're not. Sorry. My mistake.
President Bush picks Guiness record ten pound booger and flicks it at Pelosi
Ten seconds later, his head collapses.
President Bush Had a Wonderful Presidents' Day
Reminded that on this day Americans honor Abe and George, Bush answered, "Yippee! That includes me. MY name is George."
Britney Decapitates Self
Britney Spears has decapitated herself. Although her aides remain silent on the issue, Ms Spears has had her head replaced by a watermelon. "She's clearly on self destruct" said one Hollywood insider before adding "Do you want a large shake or fries with that?"
Move Over Bernie
As her body has begun to deteriorate, coroner has decided to employ the "Weekend at Bernie's" embalming technique to preserve the body of Anna Nicole Smith. She'll kick off her world tour with a quick stop at Disney World.
Video Game Enthusiasts Make Good Laparoscopic Surgeons
If they can be dragged away from the video games and into the operating rooms.
The Pontiff has become enraged that some of his best speeches made to the Vatican Square have been allegedly lifted and incorporated into Joe Pasquales' act.
Blair outlaws spillages
Tougher sentences are on the cards for those who spill coffee or tea around or on the Prime Ministers desk. "I regard it as an act of terror" said the PM "and I will have those responsible brought to justice. Or at least dab my trousers to get the stains out" he added.