There were 154 spoof news snippets published in February 2007. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.

Order by:
Rating:

Pelosi demands a bigger plane

Republicans offer the Spruce Goose

written by Jalapenoman, 09 February 2007
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President Bush picks Guiness record ten pound booger and flicks it at Pelosi

Ten seconds later, his head collapses.

written by Jalapenoman, 20 February 2007
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Wade Phillips, another of the father/son coaching legacy, takes over as head coach of NFL's Cowboys

Dallas team now called the "Son of a Bum's boys."

written by Jalapenoman, 09 February 2007
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Anna Nicole's breasts to hang in the Smithsonian

The tragic centrefold's breast have been saved for the Nation after Congress approved a $10million rescue deal

written by queen mudder, 09 February 2007
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Britney Decapitates Self

Britney Spears has decapitated herself. Although her aides remain silent on the issue, Ms Spears has had her head replaced by a watermelon. "She's clearly on self destruct" said one Hollywood insider before adding "Do you want a large shake or fries with that?"

written by Ed Parnell, 20 February 2007
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Juror Dismissed from "Scooter" Libby Trial

She requested early dismissal so she can start writing her book about the trial.

written by Gail Farrelly, 28 February 2007
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NASCAR controversy grows

Officials levy big fines against "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" and "Flubbermobile" for spiking their fuel with illegal substances...

written by Robin Berger, 17 February 2007
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Writers at The Spoof Have Become Obsessed with Anna Nicole Smith

"It's a sad addiction," confirmed Paul and Mark Lowton, owners of The Spoof. "We're sending them all off to Rehab."

written by Gail Farrelly, 14 February 2007
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Belgian Court Claims Google Violated Copyright Rules

Google has gone through its search engine and removed information on everything Belgian, including Belgian chocolates and Belgian detective Hercule Poirot.

written by Gail Farrelly, 15 February 2007
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History Department at Vermont's Middlebury College Disallows Citing of Wikipedia in Papers or Exams

Citing Vermont Spoof writer Willis Rodney is still allowed but not recommended.

written by Gail Farrelly, 21 February 2007
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Whole Foods Proposes Merger with Wild Oats

Was going to just sow Wild Oats but then decided to buy them instead.

written by Gail Farrelly, 22 February 2007
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Researchers Say Chimps Use Spears (NOT as in 'Britney') to Hunt Bushbabies

Democrats are surprised to learn that President Bush has babies but say they have no plans to hunt them down.

written by Gail Farrelly, 24 February 2007
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Tom Vilsack, Former Governor of Iowa, Is Now OUT of 2008 Race for U.S. President

Who knew he was IN?

written by Gail Farrelly, 25 February 2007
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Peter Pan Outraged over Salmonella Outbreak

"I told Tinker Bell to clean up that fairy dust and not let it contaminate the peanut butter."

written by Gail Farrelly, 25 February 2007
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Al Gore's Movie Wins Oscar for Best Documentary

The Hollywood crowd, tired of being pulled between presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, dumps them both and supports Al Gore for president.

written by Gail Farrelly, 26 February 2007
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March 1 is National Peanut Butter Lovers' Day

This year it will be celebrated in emergency rooms and hospitals.

written by Gail Farrelly, 27 February 2007
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Drug Makes Retarded Mice Smarter

Oh goody! Just what we need -- smarter mice.

written by Gail Farrelly, 27 February 2007
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US military insists no plans to invade Iran

"President Bush needs time to recover from the death of Anna Nicole Smith," said a Pentagon official...

written by Robin Berger, 17 February 2007
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NYC restaurant buys poisoned peanut butter

"Rats love peanut butter and we've got a rat problem," said the restaurant owner. "It just seems like a no-brainer..."

written by Robin Berger, 26 February 2007
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Tainted peanut butter kills "AskKaren.gov" medical expert

The civil servant known to many as "AskKaren.gov" will be "sorely missed," said the US Surgeon General...

written by Robin Berger, 27 February 2007
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Jet Blue Strands Passengers for Hours on Planes at NY Airport

Bored passengers try to entertain themselves by singing "Am I Blue?"

written by Gail Farrelly, 16 February 2007
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Creationists Lose in Latest Science Curriculum Vote in Kansas

God is disappointed with the defeat but has told his staff, "We'll bide our time. Even THEY say it's survival of the fittest."

written by Gail Farrelly, 16 February 2007
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Handheld Laser Device to Promote Hair Growth Now on the Market

Bald eagles and hairless pandas are overjoyed.

written by Gail Farrelly, 17 February 2007
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The New World Had Chili Peppers 6100 Years Ago

Spoof writer Jalapenoman is older than we thought!

written by Gail Farrelly, 17 February 2007
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Report Claims Proposed Linking of Chrysler and GM Would Be an Alliance, Not a Merger

First they'll live together, THEN they'll consider marriage.


written by Gail Farrelly, 18 February 2007
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US Air Force halts printing of weekly base newspapers

Military's transition to "web-based newspapers" spells disaster for ink manufacturers and crossword puzzle makers. "We're expecting massive layoffs in those sectors," a Pentagon spokesman said...

written by Robin Berger, 18 February 2007
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Readers Complain that a Little Green Man is Popping up on The Spoof

They've been told by Mark and Paul Lowton, owners of The Spoof, to have another drink and stop whining.

written by Gail Farrelly, 19 February 2007
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President Bush Had a Wonderful Presidents' Day

Reminded that on this day Americans honor Abe and George, Bush answered, "Yippee! That includes me. MY name is George."

written by Gail Farrelly, 20 February 2007
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Video Game Enthusiasts Make Good Laparoscopic Surgeons

If they can be dragged away from the video games and into the operating rooms.

written by Gail Farrelly, 20 February 2007
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Viacom is Hooking up with Joost, a Rival of YouTube

But it's not a monogamous relationship. Viacom's chief executive has commented, "We're always open to partners."


written by Gail Farrelly, 21 February 2007
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Taller People Make Bigger Bucks

Elevator shoes really pay off!

written by Gail Farrelly, 22 February 2007
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Florida Judge Lawrence Korda Says He's Unsure of His Jurisdiction in Anna Nicole Paternity Battle

His REAL reason for not taking the case? He doesn't like to cry in public.

written by Gail Farrelly, 24 February 2007
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Rats Stage Takeover of Taco Bell/KFC Restaurant in NYC

But they promptly vacate the premises in disgust when they learn that Taco Bell suffered a recent E. coli scare.

written by Gail Farrelly, 25 February 2007
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Two New Yorkers Plead "No Contest" in Alleged Extortion of MySpace

Claimed they thought it was TheirSpace.

written by Gail Farrelly, 28 February 2007
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"Borat" Sequel is a Possibility

South Carolina frat boys are already gearing up for second appearance and second lawsuit.

written by Gail Farrelly, 09 February 2007
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What's Killing Honeybee Colonies in the US?

Bees are in mourning for their queen bee, Anna Nicole Smith, and desperately need grief counseling.

written by Gail Farrelly, 12 February 2007
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Research Shows Regular Naps Help Your Heart

Cats the world over are saying, "Told you so."

written by Gail Farrelly, 13 February 2007
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Bald Eagle Reveals Why He Landed on Singer's Head as She Performed Live

"The stress of being bald made me do it. I felt like she was flaunting that full head of hair."

written by Gail Farrelly, 09 February 2007
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Greyhound Buses Will Be Going from the US to the UK

Hope they can roll on water.

written by Gail Farrelly, 09 February 2007
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Prince Frederic von Anhalt, Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband, Says He May Be Father of Anna Nicole's Baby

Officials tell him that, even though he's royalty, he has to take a number and get in line with other "father" applicants.

written by Gail Farrelly, 10 February 2007
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Senator Barack Obama Formally Enters U.S. Presidential Race

Senator Joe Biden is staying home and busily washing his mouth out with soap, reminding himself not to repeat his misstatement about Obama.

written by Gail Farrelly, 10 February 2007
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Top Runner for Harvard Presidency is a Woman

She's currently being frisked to make sure she's not packing mace, a knife, or a BB gun.

written by Gail Farrelly, 10 February 2007
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Researchers Grow Teeth in Lab Dish, Transplant Them to Mice

The better to eat you with, my dear.

written by Gail Farrelly, 19 February 2007
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North Korea Signs 8-Track Tape Deal with Russia

Pyongyang, North Korea - In the latest test of America's resolve, North Korean leader Kim Jong-il signed a 10 year, $25,000,000 deal with Russia to develop 8-Track tapes and tape players.

written by Mark Garrison, 12 February 2007
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Blair outlaws spillages

Tougher sentences are on the cards for those who spill coffee or tea around or on the Prime Ministers desk. "I regard it as an act of terror" said the PM "and I will have those responsible brought to justice. Or at least dab my trousers to get the stains out" he added.

written by Ed Parnell, 20 February 2007
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Pope angry

The Pontiff has become enraged that some of his best speeches made to the Vatican Square have been allegedly lifted and incorporated into Joe Pasquales' act.

written by Ed Parnell, 20 February 2007
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Zombies

The dead have returned to life and are eating the flesh of the living and smashing open their heads to feast on the brains of their former friends and family. Oh, hold on. No they're not. Sorry. My mistake.

written by Ed Parnell, 20 February 2007
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President renames Presidents' Day

Presidents day is to be renamed 'billionaire oil magnates puppet day', President Bush announced. The day will consist of an opportunity for Mr Bushs ring piece to recover after having so many wealthy republicans working his sphincter

written by Ed Parnell, 20 February 2007
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Bird flu

The UK Government has announced that the recent outbreak of bird flue in a Suffolk turkey farm is nothing to worry about. So it's now official. Thousands will die in the biggest pandemic known to mankind.

written by Bunts, 05 February 2007
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Vaccines: Mandate or choice?

- Gays pleased.

written by Moose&Squirell, 09 February 2007
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Suspect held in British letter bombs

- "It is a tragic ordeal, but, unpaid postage...is unpaid postage!"

written by Moose&Squirell, 09 February 2007
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Courtesy Daily Reaper Headlines:

Deceased Anna Nicole Smith's Rival, Deceased Stepson, Pierce Marshall, of Deceased Tycoon J. Howard Marshall, Dead at 67

written by Moose&Squirell, 10 February 2007
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Russert: Witness Stand Is Uncomfortable

- "Damn Hemorrhoids!"

written by Moose&Squirell, 11 February 2007
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Paris Hilton: Tasteless Crap

It was revealed by celebrity SCAT scooper : Paris' **** don't stink..or taste of anything.

written by Matt 'Crusty' Morgan, 11 February 2007
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The Irish are reputed to say Be Gorra, although I have yet to hear one say this.

But in the light of the 6-Nations Rugby, this has now changed to 'By O'Gara'

written by Bunts, 11 February 2007
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Britney Is A Limp Rag Doll After Sex

- Revealed model, Isaac Cohen, The rock divas most recent ex-beau. "She looses all her air. So you got to blow her up, again. Boy, are my cheeks sore!"

written by Moose&Squirell, 12 February 2007
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Chip Can Do A Trillion Calculations A Second

- and comes in "Wavy and Bar-B-Q flavored, too!

written by Moose&Squirell, 12 February 2007
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Australian PM Stands By Obama Attack

- Australian Prime Minister John Howard on Monday stood by his comments from a day earlier, "He is the cleanest Nigger in the wood pile!"

written by Moose&Squirell, 12 February 2007
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American runs away with $17,000 prosthetic leg

- Thief is said to be the 'Winner' of the three-legged races competition at the annual Hooterville County Picnic & Tractor Pull.

written by Moose&Squirell, 12 February 2007
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Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Sufferers Self Centred

100 sufferers were interviewed about their condition. A leading psychologist reports "It's all ME ME ME"

written by Matt 'Crusty' Morgan, 13 February 2007
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New Lottery For Eskimos

But..you have to be Inuit to win it!!

written by Matt 'Crusty' Morgan, 13 February 2007
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Bush endorses Brazilians

Bush calls for all American military personnel serving overseas to sport a Brazilian. The White House has declared well trimmed pubic hair as a fundamental signal of liberty and a beacon of freedom to the hirsute and undemocratic heathens of the world.

written by aningeniousname, 13 February 2007
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Britons Ignorant About Sex, Survey Reveals

- "All this time I thought, we were scratching those hard to get at places?"

written by Moose&Squirell, 13 February 2007
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How Severely Should a Teacher Be Punished For Showing Pornography?

- They should have their pants pulled down & spanked...slowly.

written by Moose&Squirell, 16 February 2007
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Turtle Eaten by Golden Retriever Lives

- "Turtle not shaken. Knew all 'retievers' suffer with anorexia nervosa."

written by Moose&Squirell, 16 February 2007
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Move Over Bernie

As her body has begun to deteriorate, coroner has decided to employ the "Weekend at Bernie's" embalming technique to preserve the body of Anna Nicole Smith. She'll kick off her world tour with a quick stop at Disney World.

written by TomFoolery, 20 February 2007
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Roofers

I walked by a chap in the street, who was hammering out a sheet of lead. "I have never seen that before in Nottingham - someone putting lead ON a roof".

written by Bunts, 17 February 2007
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Cheaper Calls for Gay Folk

A phone company's typo has caused 1000's of gay people to scramble for cheap calls. It read :"50% saving on all local homo calls"

written by Matt 'Crusty' Morgan, 17 February 2007
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Cactus-Eating Moth Threatens Favorite Mexican Food

- Makers of XXX Mezcal Tequila say, "As hard as that moth tried, he just wasn't stong enough to break the bottle to get at that worm inside!"

written by Moose&Squirell, 17 February 2007
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More Cheating: 24 Air Force Cadets Confess

- "What ever happened to, "Don't ask, Don't tell !?"

written by Moose&Squirell, 17 February 2007
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Ear Ear

A dog groomer in the USA tried to hide the fact that he had cut off the ear of shih tzu by super-glueing it back on. He only became exposed when the owner went to wash the dog.....and it's ear dropped off.

written by Bunts, 17 February 2007
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New York Man Found Dead One Year Later

- "Yup! We buried him a year ago & he's still there today!"

written by Moose&Squirell, 18 February 2007
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U.N. Urged To Take Action On Assteroid Threat

- "The conditions of some of the upholstery in the chairs at the United Nations Assembly Hall, made it a priority issue for an immediate response.

written by Moose&Squirell, 18 February 2007
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Clinton Urges Start Of Iraq Pullout In 90 Days

- "Trust me, I'm a expert in knowing when to pull it out", Bill says with a smirk.

written by Moose&Squirell, 18 February 2007
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Bush Abolishes Presidential Term Limits

Washington, D.C. - President Bush, citing increasing criticism, announced the signing of a Presidential order abolishing term limits earlier today. The order also bans any future President's not named "Bush" from ever taking office or holding high level Government positions.

written by Mark Garrison, 24 February 2007
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One in 150 US children suffer autism - reports

- Analysis Courtesy "Rocking Chair Sales of America"

written by Moose&Squirell, 09 February 2007
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Sister Says 'Anna Nicole Was 'Full Of Life'

- Ya Think......?!!!

written by Moose&Squirell, 10 February 2007
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Man Saves Grandson From Large Snake

- "I had to do something. Anacondas are an endangered species."

written by Moose&Squirell, 10 February 2007
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Study: Male Sweat May Be Women's Aphrodisiac

- "Not so!", according to Dr.Sholls

written by Moose&Squirell, 10 February 2007
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Blair resigns

Prime minister Tony Blair today announced from the steps of ten Downing street that he is totally resigned to the fact that his funny tooth will never again be colgate white.

written by aningeniousname, 13 February 2007
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The Secret Is Out: Armitage Was the CIA Leaker

- "Pass the Depends"

written by Moose&Squirell, 13 February 2007
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Edible animal found in Paris

The French government today confirmed earlier reports, that some kind of animal was discovered late last week in a Paris suburb, that does not appear to be on any menu in the city.

written by aningeniousname, 15 February 2007
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New report on nostalgia.

The eagerly awaited new government report on nostalgia, has come to the conclusion, that it's not what it used to be.

written by aningeniousname, 15 February 2007
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Local Stores Removing Potentially Tainted Peanut Butter

- Breaking News: Food scare really a Secret Government Cover-Up! Mr. Peanut is missing!!

written by Moose&Squirell, 15 February 2007
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Man Loses Hand in Pit Bull Attack

- "He growled, then, came at me with a Royal Flush!"

written by Moose&Squirell, 15 February 2007
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Teens Turn to Legal Drugs

- It's now Cool to take "Children's Milk of Magnesia".

written by Moose&Squirell, 15 February 2007
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New Mexico Orders 500 Talking Urinal Cakes

- Cake will be adapted as answering machines for majority of state representatives known to be "full of it!"

written by Moose&Squirell, 15 February 2007
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Human Brain Can Make New Cells: Study

- Report debunked as 'stack of lies'! "The brain alone cannot produce anything on its own. It would need hands!"

written by Moose&Squirell, 15 February 2007
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Adventurer to Open Online Education Center in Antarctica

- The frozen continent will share its many secrets to: "The many ways to catch a cold."

written by Moose&Squirell, 16 February 2007
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Scientists Track Fish to Understand Climate Change

- Scientist working under a $340 million grant believe, this fish has the answer. "If only we knew how to communicate with it."

written by Moose&Squirell, 16 February 2007
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Longevity Linked To Learning

- "I knew that high school diploma would come in handy some day"

written by Moose&Squirell, 16 February 2007
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Retired NBA Star Hardaway Says He Hates 'Gay People'

- "What's wrong with being melancholy"

written by Moose&Squirell, 16 February 2007
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Study: Fish Good For Pregnant Women

- Only drawback is keeping balance on boat.

written by Moose&Squirell, 16 February 2007
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Obama, Clinton Battle for African-American Endorsements

- NAACP: We believe it is about time we put 100% backing on a black candidate and we will do just that, as soon as one comes along.

written by Moose&Squirell, 16 February 2007
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Teen Has Hiccups For Three Weeks, No Cure In Sight

- "I sure wish someone can help me soon", pleads high school teenager, Ferris Bueller.

written by Moose&Squirell, 16 February 2007
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Drunk Fisherman Catches Shark With Bare Hands

- Correction...bare "HAND"

written by Moose&Squirell, 16 February 2007
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NASA postpones THEMIS launch for 24 Hours

- Astronauts not bothered, "No sweat, we have our RAGS on!"

written by Moose&Squirell, 17 February 2007
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Italy orders CIA kidnapping trial

- "We ordered it to GO!"

written by Moose&Squirell, 17 February 2007
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Britney Spears, Shaved Bald, Gets a New Tattoo

- "My vagina now has identity & feels chilly!"

written by Moose&Squirell, 17 February 2007
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Woman Faces Two Years In Jail For Throwing Ice

- Drug dealers charge that, "She doesn't know the value in the production of meth!"

written by Moose&Squirell, 18 February 2007
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