Spoof news snippets from April 2005
There were 19 spoof news snippets published in April 2005. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Pope Passes Replacement Pending
Due to the passing of John Paul II, God is being forced to replace his earthly right hand. There is however, no need to replace the "Devine Sphincter", G.W. Bush still has four more years to serve.
Scientists Explain Near Death Experience
Extensive research leads scientists to believe bright glow described by many to be merely a result ambient light shining through cranial orifices. Suggest ear and nose plugs as remedy
New Pope to receive "Java Ring of the Fisherman"
Vatican's webmaster describes biometric authentication device as an "upgrade" to traditional pontificate symbol of power. "It will protect the new Holy Father against identity theft..."
Bush Bans Christmas
Dyslexic President Bush concerned with keeping the evil Satan at bay has decided to ban Christmas for the remainder of his term.
Hollywood Celebrities Have More Than Most.
Now they have fashionable to put it. Prada to introduce Alligator skin colostomy bag in spring line.
Celebrity Arrested For Sexual Indiscretions
1980's country music star Billy Ray Sirus was recently arrested in a red light district in southern LA for looking for love in all the wrong places.
I was on the Grassy Knoll
A sometimes reliable scource inside the Vatican has revealed startling information regarding the dying words of Pope John Paul II
Schiavo has Pope's Nasal Tube Removed
Michael Schiavo states "this is what the Pope wanted". Vatican legal teams are trying to have the tube reinserted; however, the Pope is not expected to make it through the night.
God Snubs Pope - Prior Engagement
God has confirmed he will not attend the Pope's funeral if it clashes with Prince Charles and Mrs Parker-Bowles’ wedding. “Fair’s fair – Karol should have checked the date with me before snuffing it”
Pope Snubs God – Chooses Caribbean
Late Pope John Paul 2nd has decided to spend eternity in the Caribbean instead of Heaven, saying it is “warmer and less old fashioned”. His soul can now be reached on the beach at Barbados.
Eggs May Not Be!
Eggs may not actually be eggs claim top scientists in london today, and thats as sure as eggs are eggs!
Bruce Willis-Lindsay Lohan Sex Tape Surfaces!11
Only weeks after reps for the two denied that Bruce Willis and Lindsay Lohan were making out at a nightclub, a videotape of them having graphic sex has been found on the set of their new movie.
ROYAL WEDDING WISH WOES
Frantic efforts are being made to find Prince Charles' piece of string in time for today's fairytale wedding.
Butlers & footmen are searching warm, dark places in the hope of retrieving it.
New Pope To Complete The Quartet
Cardinals gathering in Rome for the forthcoming conclave to choose the next pontiff have at least agreed on a name – George Ringo I ‘to carry on from where John Paul left off’
Michael Jackson's Accuser's Mom Breaks Down
Michael Jackson's accusers mom breaks down and tewlls everyone that MJ was like a dad to her kids and she loves him very much!
Cardinals Caught Playing Texas Hold 'Em During Conclave
An inside source from the conclave currently in progress to elect a new pope has discovered that the cardinals are simply playing poker.
Big Box Store begins selling big boxes
In a move lauded by literalists worlwide, Costco Wholesale began selling big boxes in the big-box stores late last week.
Woody Allen has change of heart
After years of insecurity and self-doubt, Woody Allen is "feeling pretty proud" and has been seen with his chest puffed out and walking with pride.
Cold Fusion Confirmed
Researchers at MIT have published results of a 4 year study, confirming that when you place a cup of water in the freezer, the liquid fuses together into a solid. “It’s the Holy Grail of science.”