Spoof news snippets from Saturday 7 August 2004
David Blunkett blind-sided over id cards
David Blunkett admitted to journalists in a pub that the trial ID card was badly designed, before being advised that he was holding a round beer mat.
Conservative Party Games
Tim Yeo has urged the Conservative Party to raise its game. Suggestions have included Brag and Scrabble though Michael Howard is known to favour anything that involves bats.
Michael Jackson pops out
Michael Jackson made an unexpected visit to a shopping mall and delighted fans. He denied it was just a publicity stunt and said that he often popped out for a nibble at the slightest invitation.
Religion & women again
The Pope said he will stand firm on women. At least until they stop wriggling about.
Vatican and feminism
The Pope condemned feminism as demeaning to women. He said a bunch of militant lezzers could never have the empathy and understanding that unmarried sado-masochistic men in dresses could produce.
German has words
Germany is holding a competition for the most beautiful German word. There are several thousand entries so far but the British bet for a winner is whichever one translates as Federal Superstate.
The Chief Executive of the Football Association has resigned after his affair with Faria Alam. He said it was a mistake and that his ball control was about as good as England’s in Euro 2004.