Written by Jason Safoutin
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Topics: America, White House

Saturday, 24 December 2005

image for The US Issues National Tsunami Plan.
George W. Bush's State-of-the-art map of 'National Tsunami Plan'.

Washington DC (The White House) - President Bush, hoping to protect the shores of America from being hammered by a tsunami, issued a national plan Friday for increased volcano and earthquake monitoring systems, ocean buoys, and other state-of-the-art ways of alerting oceanside communities.

But the biggest plan is what Bush calls, "a true masterpiece. I designed this one myself. I admit, it took me since last year to create. I had top advisors working day and night on this one."

According to Bush, the U.S. Army Corp. Of Engineers will build a 1,000 foot wall from Washington state, all the way to the U.S./Mexico border. It will be the biggest man-made project ever, and cost over 900 quadriliion dollars. It will consist of mostly cement and metal with decorative "pictures" on the side facing the shoreline of the US. "It needs to look pretty," Bush said.

Bush assures that "the wall will be as strong as the walls that saved New Orleans from Katrina."

Bush also insists that the wall is in no way trying to stop immigration to the country because "they can just go around the wall," said Bush.

Construction is expected to begin this summer. it will take 35 years to complete and over 1 million workers.

When Bush was asked where the money was going to come from he said, "One Word. Crude Oil. And we have all of Saddam's money. There is plenty of that to go around. And the workers? Well we could clone chimps, or better yet how about 1.5 million Bob Vilas'?"

The NSA has said that the walls will also prevent terror attacks on the United States.

In a Gallop Quick poll, more than half of all Americans polled said the wall will "isolate America" from the rest of the world.

President Bush requested that a plan be designed after the deadly tsunami a year ago, in the Indian Ocean, that killed nearly 300,000 people and "demonstrated international vulnerability,'' said John Marburger, Bush's top science adviser.

Terrorists Respond To Tsunami Plan -

"Aaawww...aren't the flowers pretty. Martha Stewart right?"

...Martha Stewart refused to comment.

Japan in Tsunami Plan -

(Translated) "Someone needs to lock him (Bush) up. He is crazy. Completely nuts," said Japanese prime minister Junichiro Koizumi.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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