Written by Nash D. Plott
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Tuesday, 30 August 2011

A Mexican hotel maid underwent successful surgery to restore her face three months after a brutal attack by the legendary Chupacabra. The 19 hour surgery involved complete reconstruction of facial bone and cartilage, as well as transplantation and grafting of donor tissue.

Maria Vasquez was working as a maid at the Mexico City hotel Cabina del Sol at the time of the fateful attack. Speaking through a translator she recounted her terrifying experience. "I saw what looked like a man emerging from the shower with a towel. I thought for one horrifying moment that it was Dominique Strauss-Kahn, but then the creature dropped the towel and I realized to my relief that it was only the Chupacabra. Sadly, the creature chewed my face off before leaving. Fortunately I was able to call for assistance"

Maria's new face was made possible by a crack team of surgeons from Doctors without Borders, a radical group that believes the left-wing socialist ideology that health care exists to alleviate suffering and benefit humankind. Maria is expected to regain partial feeling in her new face, and is expected to regain at least as much muscular control as Nicole Kidman following her recent treatments with Botox.

The Chupacabra remains at large, and Mexican authorities have issued a national warning to hotel service employees. "Just because it is not Strauss-Kahn does not mean that it is not dangerous", stated Mexico City Chief of Police Ramone Belaconte. "We would very much like to detain this alleged Chupacabra. In fact we still believe the Chupacabra to be a mythical creature, and strongly suspect that the creature that Sra. Vasquez encountered was in fact Charlie Sheen." Mr. Sheen would not accept phone calls from Reuters, since he believed the reporter to be a troll.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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