Written by Tommy Twinkle
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Friday, 26 August 2011

image for British Government's Anti-Obesity Measures Revealed!
Too easy to open!

Tougher action is to be taken by the government to tackle the problem of obesity in Britain. Removing unnecessary packaging from unhealthy junk foods by the supermarkets, part of the governments determined efforts to see a significant reduction in Britain's greenhouse emissions, is believed to have added to the problem.

It is now thought that the psychological effect of presenting junk food to shoppers in smaller boxes simply causes them to think the portions of food inside them are also smaller. Obese people have been responding to smaller packaging of the unhealthy products by buying more of them and getting even fatter by eating double the amount.

The government say there can be no going back to the larger boxes because of Britain's commitment to reduce it's greenhouse emissions. Instead all boxed foods produced by companies in future will have to be much more difficult for people to open.

The plan is to use boxes made from the extremely strong nanocardboard NASA now uses on their new Multi-Purpose Crew Vehicle(MPCV) in place of the ceramic tiles of the old space shuttle. Together with the most modern industrial strength super glues now available to stick down the plastic wrappers around the boxes of food products it is thought this will ensure obese people will be burning up far more calories trying to get the boxes open than the calories contained in the food inside.

"People will no longer need to go to a gym or even to go for a walk in order to get enough exercise" said a government spokesman. "In fact, obese people will find it so hard to get these new nanocardboard boxes of junk food open that the lazy sods will probably decide to fill their guts up with healthy fruit instead!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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