SAN JOSE - Researchers in California have created living humans with functioning mice stem cells in their brains. It is believed this will help humans understand why mice and rats have been willing to cooperate and sacrifice themselves in laboratories and cosmetic factories, for centuries. The researchers also hope this will solve the riddle of why both mice and humans crave treadmills and Ferris wheels, and why both species enjoy drinking syrupy concoctions from inverted bottles.
Dr. Josef Mengele, head of research at the IG Farben branch here in San Jose, said "Dis iss a great day for humans und their loyal companions, albino mice und rats." Dr. Mengele went on to say that he hoped to have his research concluded and a paper published, in fifty years.
Dr. Mengele said that injecting mice stem cells into human brains does not make the person behave any less intelligently. In fact, Dr. Mengele said , "this illustrates that injecting mouse stem cells into human brains does not alter nor restructure the brain."
Dr. Mengele noted "It is truly amazing that these animal-human hybrids fit right in with their neighbors."
Medical Breakthrough Or Marketer's Dilemma?
Some scientists and research marketers hope that this will help humans to become better and greater users of cheap consumer goods, produced in endless quantities in Chinese factories.
Dr. Mengele said his research is significant because it will be possible to create human models of mice brain tissue, and conduct further studies of all kinds, without having to use mice in the process.
Simply put, it is a new way to test both medical cures and marketing models, without harming mice test subjects in the process.
However, such cross-species research raises the hackles of ethicists at the well known bio-ethics institute of J Walter Thompson, who fear such tinkering will make human behavior less, not more, predictable.
Dr. Mengele said that the ethics committee at J Walter Thompson has absolutely nothing to worry about. "A few thousand mice brain stem cells will not turn a no talent aspiring actor into a professional clown. Critics of this research would have you believe that these experiments are repugnant. However, humans already consider it fashionable to put on mouse ears."