Written by Katarina Frogpond2
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Thursday, 4 August 2011

image for Dark Streaks on Mars Explained by Professor Stephen Hawking
Mars Bars confirmed on Mars

Professor Stephen Hawking has given an answer to the question that every scientist on the planet has been asking for the last 24 hours. What are the dark streaks on Mars?

The answer came in response to an e-mail that was sent to PH's Twitter site just one hour ago and the answer is, of course, Chocolate Milk.

The Professor is said to have believed that there is Chocolate Milk on Mars for a very long time. Friends have said this is because the Egyptians Pharoah's, who still live there, sometimes come back to earth to indulge in their favourite breakfast cereal, which is of course Coco Pops.

Professor Marcus McAlpine, who invented the Magnetic bin, believes it could be water. Someone stole his hose pipe last week and he now believes it was stolen by Aliens who didn't have one on Mars.

He believes the aliens are going to use the hose pipe to tap into ancient reservoirs of water under the surface of Mars to irrigate their rice fields so they can... make their own Coco-pops.

Upon being asked why he believed in the Chocolate Milk theory, too, he is said to have replied "Mars Bars. If there wasn't any chocolate on Mars they would never have named a chocolate bar after it. Subject closed."

Professor Hawking refused to answer any more questions because his diary is full for the rest of the week. Tomorrow he will be busy playing facebook chess with a nuclear physicist from CERN, and the next day he will be playing Scrabble with Professor Brian Cox. So no time to talk about Mars Bars.

By Katarina Frogpond.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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