Written by Gary Potter
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Thursday, 4 August 2011

image for Too much moonshine!
The result of two moons colliding? It could only happen in evolutionland!!!!!

Fans of stupid theories and implausible concepts are today celebrating as the origins debate rages on.

Quacks at the California University have come up with yet another physics bending theory, that the Earth once had TWO moons which somehow collided, producing the one big Moon which we see today.

Dawkin Richards, hardcore evolution fundamentalist was as usual overly enraptured by this latest pipe dream. "For years we have been mocking evolution deniers as claiming that the moon was made of cream cheese - well now, at the stroke of a pen, we have theorised a whole new moon!! Up until recently we have been pompously and deceptively asserting that we know a huge amount about our solar system, fooling a gullable public! Maybe it was this imaginary moon, where perhaps life originated, but due to the collision, the evidence, has now conveniently disappeared. In fact, the missing links might have been up there in a cupboard." We left the befuddled gentleman to his excited musings.

Meanwhile, our resident scientist, was as always far more critical "This theory scores highly on the ridiculous BS scale. If nothing else, it does prove that science still has no idea as to what the moon actually is, or how it was formed. I remember as a child playing marbles and conkers (ed. for our international readers - conkers are horsechestnuts dangled on a string) - collisions resulted in the marbles flying off in different directions and the conkers smashing. Never did I witness the marbles combining into bigger marbles and starting to orbit. Prior to this hokum, the 'best' 'scientific' theory was that the moon was once a part of the Earth, which was somehow fell off, turned into a sphere and then adopted the rotation and orbit that we see today. Then we have the what is known as the 'gravity clumping stuff together' theory. In evolutionary and origins folklore, 'nothing' can somehow have a gravitational centre so as to attract passing stuff with such force as to compact it to form bodies such as the moon, or even entire universes. Again, this is more pseudoscientific whimsy. With this admission that they have not got a clue as to the moons origin, there is no reason whatsoever to believe them when any other planetary body is concerned."

More research needs to be done. A lot more. Boffins at Oxbridge University are already seeking permission to buy the soon to be completely useless Hadron collider. Figures in the region of £1.50 have been thrown around. They postulate that firing conkers at one another through it could result in a bumper horse chestnut and a mammoth conker harvest in the autumn of 2013.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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