An One year study by British scientists into why a dropped slice of buttered bread always seems to hit the floor on the buttered side has been 'successfully' completed after the team of scientist involved came up with an explanation acceptable to the government.
"We'd hoped to reach a satisfactory explanation much sooner and so not need to use up all of the £20m. grant the government had set aside for the study" explained Professor Marigold Parsnip who headed the team. "But every time we presented what we thought they'd feel to be a sufficiently scientifically complicated and convincing explanation the government took a look at it then told us it wasn't scientifically complicated enough.They said they were basically wanting an answer the public wouldn't understand."
"Perhaps in our desire to keep costs down to a minimum our first answer had been rather too scientifically uncomplicated. They said 'it just does' was not acceptable to the Prime Minister"
A later explanation offered by the team, that it was caused by poltergeist activity in people's kitchens, also failed to meet with government approval.Apparently the Prime Minister 'thought long and hard' about whether to give the answer his nod of approval until it was pointed out to him by government advisers how it could lead to public panic with people refusing to return to their homes believing them to be possessed of malicious spirits playing with their food.
The explanation finally deemed scientifically complicated enough to receive official approval from Mr Cameron is explained by Professor Parsnip. "It's all to do with the moon" he says, "and the stars, and the planetary alignments relative to the Earths tides. And of course sunspots. And mobile phones. Oh, and also global warming - they said to make sure I included global warming."
Professor Parsnip added, "I've been told to make it absolutely clear that it was just a coincidence that we came to find the correct answer to the question on the very last day of the one year study. Unfortunately that did of course also mean we used up all of the £20m. grant"