Written by IainB
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Topics: Russia, eBay, Mafia

Saturday, 23 July 2011

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Spine, 27" long, one careful owner who did palates. Buy it now: 300roubles

eBay, the auction bidding site has been forced to close their Russian version after it was discovered that the site was being used to sell harvested body parts.

"It certainly upped the yuck factor," said Chief of Police Yuri Trubble. "Contrary to what the West thinks of Russia, we are not a Mafia driven state corrupted from the highest level, and this kind of thing is unacceptable. We have shut down the site while we investigate. Thanks for the fifty roubles, by the way."

Unscrupulous Mafioso gangsters had become fed up with people in need of organs coming to them, as it was slow an inefficient; instead they put their wares on the popular auction site.

Feliks Dacat ran the eBay site in Russia. "They came and found me in person," he said. "They said all the organs were donated, and it was legit. They also said if I didn't believe them, they would sell my organs, to show how donated they were."

According to Dacat, the gang were selling all the transplantable parts: hearts, pancreases, livers, and the like.

"They weren't all evil," said Dacat. "Postage and packing was free and body parts need refrigeration, so that's expensive. They'd even sell outside of Russia, if anybody wanted to buy."

Being a criminal gang, sometimes the organs would be sold twice, leaving the desperate in ever more desperate need.

"We did discover," said Trubble, "one case of the person purchasing a pair of corneas later turning up on eBay as a liver and kidney."

Although the site has now been closed down, the culprits are still at large, and believed to be setting up their own website over which Trubble will have no jurisdiction.

"I might not be able to close down a private site," he said, "but if they put an email on there, they'll never see a legitimate order due to all the spam I will make sure they receive."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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