Written by P.M. Wortham
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Tuesday, 19 July 2011

image for Scientists Confirm Paris Hilton's Theory, The Earth is HOT
"That's Hot"

With reports of Albert Einstein physically turning over in his grave, scientists have recently confirmed that the popular theory made famous by media favorite, Paris Hilton, that the Earth is indeed "HOT".

Measuring the radioactive decay of our planet, researchers at the U.S. Department of Energy in Berkley California say that the naturally occurring levels of decay over time, have added to the general warming of the planet. Dr. Hayman Cookitt, 47 year old virgin and lead researcher at the DOE says, "For years we thought Paris was just trying to market a new catch phrase, but it turns out she was right all along. Everything is Hot".

With recently adapted technology and deep core temperature studies, the DOE was able to measure the amounts of radiation and heat generated by the Earth's core. "But, it's still not as hot as Paris", commented the Attention Deficit Disorder medication candidate, Cookitt. "That's probably why she wears pink everywhere, because she's so hot, just like the Earth's mantle, and my coworker's new iPad. OK. It's time for lunch now. Has anyone seen my pencil?".

Hilton could not be reached for extensive comment while Jeremy Bloomy, her personal assistant, assured us that she was indeed very busy doing something. He did mention that after hearing the news report about the Earth, Paris claimed, "I knew it. And the fact that I knew that, is Hot".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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