Written by Lady Godiva
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Monday, 18 July 2011

image for Teaching Hospitals open wards in order to study detoxing 'News of the World' readers
Former News of the World reader detoxing

A number of Teaching Hospitals have opened wards for the sole purpose of admitting and performing scientific studies on former News of the World readers who are not coping at all well with the closing down of their favourite newspaper.

A Professor at McMaster University Hospital, Shrewsbury, stated that this is the first time he, or indeed, any of his colleagues have come across such cases of people having to detox from their addiction to a newspaper.

The one symptom the patients in the study have in common is that they wander around muttering, "Where is it? Has it arrived yet?" over and over again.

Another symptom manifested by some former News of the World readers is patients picking of daily papers, screaming, sobbing and shredding the papers as quickly as they can, scattering paper all around.

No cure is yet available as this is such a new 'mental illness'. The most doctors can do is keep the patients from hurting themselves or each other whilst scientists complete their studies and, hopefully, develop a cure.

Families have been broken apart. Children of former News of the World readers who have been hospitalized, have either been taken in by family members or taken into 'care' by local authorities until their parents are, hopefully, cured and able to lead a normal life once more.

The fact that not ALL former News of the World readers have reacted this way has been put down a number of people having established the habit of reading other Sunday papers as well as the News of the World. They have these other Sunday papers to read and are, therefore, able to cope very well.

Results of studies will be published as soon as they are completed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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