Written by ExiledRoyal
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Topics: Curry, Pain, chilli, Diarrhoea

Sunday, 3 July 2011

image for Scientists discover new 'heat' description
Brown Hot - The MegaPhal

Up until now there have been three different colours to describe heat: Red Hot (just hot), White Hot (very hot) and Blue Hot (extremely hot).

But now a group of scientists from London University have discovered a new colour to describe a new level of hotness, one they describe as supremely, searingly, indescribably hot. Brown Hot.

Professor Mike Olonhurts told us, "We were having a curry at 'The Screaming Anus Curry House' in Tooting on Monday when the manager asked us whether we wanted to try out the restaurant's newest dish, The MegaPhal. Some of us went for it. At the time I have to say that it did hurt. A lot. But it was only the next morning that we discovered the true extent of real hotness. We'd discovered the Grail, Brown Hot."

Manager Jamal Ringsting takes up the story, "We were looking for a new dish, one to make grown men cry like babies. We added Naga Viper pepper, Infinity Chilli, Naga Jolokia pepper and Trinidad Scorpion Butch T pepper to neat Sulphuric Acid, and marinaded an entire live chicken in it for several days. Then we set fire to it and served it up still smoking. The result? Pain. On a never-before seen scale. But we had no idea we would be adding to the Scientific Encyclopedia."

Professor Olonhurts added, "Normally pepper heat is measured on the Scoville Scale, a normal pimento measuring between 100-500. Law enforcement grade pepper spray measures in at 5,000,000-5,300,000. But this badboy was well over 11 million.

Brown Hot? You just have no idea," he sobbed from his bed at the London Hospital's Severe Burns Unit.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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