Written by IainB
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Friday, 24 June 2011

image for Jelly is a superfood
Is it a bird, is it a plane? No! It's a jelly!

The latest research from Roundtree University in Leicester has shown what every pre-pubescent child has always known: Jelly is a super food!

"It's quite remarkable," said chief nutritionist, Henry Murray, of the Gelatine Independent Research Laboratory. "But only the sugar free varieties. The sugar versions of jelly are the evil arch-nemesis for sugar free jelly."

For a start, sugar free jellies have no calories. They are also a high volume food that rapidly fills little tummies.

"Additionally," Murray enthused, "jellies are made with boiling water, so are a good source of clean water. They can be stored for generations in thin sachets and lose no flavour or goodness, making them brilliant storage foods."

Investigations into the few ingredients that do go into sugar free jellies has shown that jellies are a good source of zinc, selenium and iron in the gelatine itself.

"We have found that all jellies contain vitamin C," Murray said. "Plus certain varieties, such as blackcurrant, also have high concentrations of carotenes and anti-oxidants."

Although jellies seem to be the answer to all the worlds ills, doing everything except power the hydrogen economy, like all superheroes they do have one weakness.

"Because they contain no calories," Murray admitted, "a person cannot live on jelly alone. We do have a solution though. We suggest that jellies are made with milk! Calcium, goodness and calories! Jelly should be the national dish of Earth."

Make IainB's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 plus 3?

6 2 4 1
121 readers are online right now!

Go to top