Written by Ho Lee Crap
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Wednesday, 15 June 2011

image for Google working on 'Quantum Search'
The project is currently secret

Following their announcement earlier this week that Google is to roll-out both voice and picture-recognition searches to computers, Buster Gonad, an insider explained that the company has something 'much bigger, much clever-er' up it's sleeve.

'We're currently working on a project known simply as QS2' he told our reporter. ' It stands for Quantum Search version 2, and is basically a routine that will instantly display every single, possible, remotely-related piece of information relating to the search subject entered'.

Premature speculation

Google first hinted at Quantum Search last year though the project had been shelved when test computers involved disintegrated when the search was run.

Mess on the floor

'Yeah! QS1 was a bummer to control' said Gonad. 'Initial trials were run searching for data on women such as Penelope Cruz, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Emma Watson. But before the search had finished, the machines just blew-up, their ethernet cables blowing out from the wall and the enormous load of data was spilled over the floor. It turns out that more porn was being created about these women on a per-second basis than any system is capable of handling'.

Hard-coding

Google had to re-think their approach and came up with QS2. 'It's much better' said Gonad. 'It no longer throttles your trusted pipe' he added, with a wink.

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