Written by MonkeyInTheBath
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Monday, 6 June 2011

image for Secrets of organic meat revealed
The COME report

Today a report was released by the Council of Organic Meat Engineers (COME) which promises to shock the entire meat industry. The in-your-face COME report describes why organic meat tastes better than non-organic meat, and apparently it's all to do with pain.

According to the copious COME report, when an animal dies in extreme pain it produces hormones which give the meat a delicious flavour - like foie gras. But because free range animals normally live a life free of pain and suffering, they are much more sensitive to the trauma of being taken to the slaughterhouse. To them, it is much more of a big deal to be forced into a truck and whisked off to the abattoir. So they release a lot more hormones when they are killed.

Controversially the last chapter of the report could get COME into a sticky problem. There the report suggests that the same flavour could be replicated in non-organic meat, if only the animals were subjected to a much greater degree of pain while they are killed. This would cause them to release a higher level of hormones, similar to organically reared animals.

The consistency of the COME report has been questioned and it is likely we will have to wait until everything is mopped up before the results are clear.

However, it is unlikely that a greater amount of pain would be allowed by the UK's independent regulator of the meat industry, OffalCom.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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